my wife and crazy sister

[Anonymous]

First, I love my sister. I feel she's generally well intentioned. My sister lacks boundaries. When I say lacks boundaries, I truly believe she's never been taught about boundaries. It's not something ever taught to us by our parents and they were poor examples of boundaries. With all of that said, my sister is causing friction in my marriage. She will get mad and go as far as asking me to divorce my wife. Even when my wife's in ear shot. My sister always expects me firmly on her side, she's generally the one in the wrong. I don't have rose colored lenses with my wife, I promise. I was discussing getting a vasectomy with my dad(the hospital I go to is Catholic and doesn't do them). My sister went off saying how my wife should be the one getting sterilized. She said "what if you divorce her, thats so stupid". If my wife gets pregnant, it could literally kill her. I almost lost her after she had our daughter. My sister knows this. Her inserting herself in my marriage is causing major friction. My mother is very sensitive. All my wife has to do is gently correct her and she will cry. Then my sister will text me flipping out about my wife. When I say gently correct I mean Ex: Kathy, thank you so much for helping with Ella. Remember, we don't use baby powder." I don't know what to do with my sister. I've told her to quit and she says she defends her family and I need to learn to start. Advice?

[Anonymous]

Cut back on the time you spend with your sister. Don't share information that she doesn't need to know (ie, your vasectomy). Tell her it's not her business. If she won't stop discussing it, hang up the phone or leave the room. Read "Boundaries" author is Cloud.

[Anonymous]

If you don't use baby powder, why have it in the house?

Why are you discussing your private issues with your family given you know what the reaction would be? I'd be really pissed at my husband for having the vasc. discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to do with my sister. I've told her to quit and she says she defends her family and I need to learn to start. Advice?

"When I got married, my wife became my family, too. My first allegiance is to her."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cut back on the time you spend with your sister. Don't share information that she doesn't need to know (ie, your vasectomy). Tell her it's not her business. If she won't stop discussing it, hang up the phone or leave the room. Read "Boundaries" author is Cloud.

OP here. I've tried cutting back the time I spend with her. In turn that means less time with my parents because she is with them 5-7 days a week. When I spend less time with my extended family(parents and sister) it gets blamed on my wife. They will start saying how my wife is controlling me but they understand that I have to keep my wife happy and they love me anyway.

[Anonymous]

Wut?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't use baby powder, why have it in the house?

Why are you discussing your private issues with your family given you know what the reaction would be? I'd be really pissed at my husband for having the vasc. discussion.

I guess your sister reads DCUM, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't use baby powder, why have it in the house?

Why are you discussing your private issues with your family given you know what the reaction would be? I'd be really pissed at my husband for having the vasc. discussion.

The baby powder was at my mom's house. I was simply asking my dad for a doctor recommendation.

[Anonymous]

Boundaries go both ways OP. I get it. I was raised in a similar family. You need to set boundaries, too. Don't share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cut back on the time you spend with your sister. Don't share information that she doesn't need to know (ie, your vasectomy). Tell her it's not her business. If she won't stop discussing it, hang up the phone or leave the room. Read "Boundaries" author is Cloud.

OP here. I've tried cutting back the time I spend with her. In turn that means less time with my parents because she is with them 5-7 days a week. When I spend less time with my extended family(parents and sister) it gets blamed on my wife. They will start saying how my wife is controlling me but they understand that I have to keep my wife happy and they love me anyway.

Be a little blunter. "No, it's not because of my wife, it's because you can't seem to treat her respectfully! See you in a couple weeks!" etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to do with my sister. I've told her to quit and she says she defends her family and I need to learn to start. Advice?

"When I got married, my wife became my family, too. My first allegiance is to her."

Perfect. x1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boundaries go both ways OP. I get it. I was raised in a similar family. You need to set boundaries, too. Don't share.

OP here. I seem to be the only one of them who believes spending every day with your parents when you're grown with a family of your own is unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't use baby powder, why have it in the house?

Why are you discussing your private issues with your family given you know what the reaction would be? I'd be really pissed at my husband for having the vasc. discussion.

I guess your sister reads DCUM, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, I love my sister. I feel she's generally well intentioned. My sister lacks boundaries. When I say lacks boundaries, I truly believe she's never been taught about boundaries. It's not something ever taught to us by our parents and they were poor examples of boundaries. With all of that said, my sister is causing friction in my marriage. She will get mad and go as far as asking me to divorce my wife. Even when my wife's in ear shot. My sister always expects me firmly on her side, she's generally the one in the wrong. I don't have rose colored lenses with my wife, I promise. I was discussing getting a vasectomy with my dad(the hospital I go to is Catholic and doesn't do them). My sister went off saying how my wife should be the one getting sterilized. She said "what if you divorce her, thats so stupid". If my wife gets pregnant, it could literally kill her. I almost lost her after she had our daughter. My sister knows this. Her inserting herself in my marriage is causing major friction. My mother is very sensitive. All my wife has to do is gently correct her and she will cry. Then my sister will text me flipping out about my wife. When I say gently correct I mean Ex: Kathy, thank you so much for helping with Ella. Remember, we don't use baby powder." I don't know what to do with my sister. I've told her to quit and she says she defends her family and I need to learn to start. Advice?

These are not good intentions, just so you know. If I were your DW, by this time your sister would be out of my social circle and circle of trust. I hate people who have a loose tongue like that.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree with your sister, you should learn to defend your family, which is now your wife and daughter. Your should grow a spine and stop allowing your family to offend and disrespect your wife. When your sister offends your wife, or simply inserts herself in something that is not her business, you should immediately and firmly stop her, and if she keeps doing it than kicker out of your life until she learns about boundaries (she will learn them very quickly). also, stop justifying bullying behavior with BS. your mom is not "very sensitive" ,she appears to be a master manipulator and a bully using the worse passive aggressive technique to control your wife. sorry but it looks like you are the problem, your wife married a weak guy surrounded by bullies.