5th grader with LD thinks kids are his friends but they just take advantage of him. How can I help?

[Anonymous]

My ds has epilepsy and learning disabilities. He is very sweet and kind but also very immature and naive. He has a nice group of neighborhood friends (mostly younger) but school friendships have been difficult. He seems drawn to kids who end up using him. Sometimes it's so they can play with his stuff or In the past, I have asked him how he knows when someone is a friend and he said if they talk to him, they are his friend. Most recently, a boy was asking ds to buy snacks from he cafeteria for him and give him an expensive light saber we have. But, otherwise doesn't ask him to play. He also scribbled an unkind name on ds's notebook. We talked about how friendships aren't one sided and unfortunately some kids will take advantage of his kindness and those aren't tru friends. What should I do? I get so worried about him as he gets closer to middle school.

[Anonymous]

What kinds of learning disabilities does he have? I'm not sure what you should do. My son sounds very similar. I worry, too. Does he play any sports?

[Anonymous]

Have you thought about trying something like Boy Scouts?

[Anonymous]

Does he go to a social skills group? One of the topics in my DS10's social group was how to tell if others are making fun of you-- the topic title was more diplomatic, but the intent was to help these vulnerable kids be more aware. They had another about reciprocal friendships vs. one sided.
The most protective thing you can do is get your DS in activities where he makes at least one "real" friend. He can then compare and contrast the behaviors of real friends and user friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kinds of learning disabilities does he have? I'm not sure what you should do. My son sounds very similar. I worry, too. Does he play any sports?

He has processing deficits/focus/attention/executive functioning issues. He doesn't do sports but is very involved in performing arts. Those are his
"People" but those kids aren't at his school. While he doesn't like sports, he is aware that sports are the common denominator with most boys. I think he knows that he is not like most of the boys but so desperately wants to be accepted by them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kinds of learning disabilities does he have? I'm not sure what you should do. My son sounds very similar. I worry, too. Does he play any sports?

He has processing deficits/focus/attention/executive functioning issues. He doesn't do sports but is very involved in performing arts. Those are his
"People" but those kids aren't at his school. While he doesn't like sports, he is aware that sports are the common denominator with most boys. I think he knows that he is not like most of the boys but so desperately wants to be accepted by them.

Ugh. I'm so sorry. My son has epilepsy and is going to have almost exactly these issues too, I think. I think a lot of kids with ADHD also seem much younger than they really are. Is he on ADHD medication and is it helping? I would think about social skills classes. Also, what about something like Tae Kwon do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kinds of learning disabilities does he have? I'm not sure what you should do. My son sounds very similar. I worry, too. Does he play any sports?

He has processing deficits/focus/attention/executive functioning issues. He doesn't do sports but is very involved in performing arts. Those are his
"People" but those kids aren't at his school. While he doesn't like sports, he is aware that sports are the common denominator with most boys. I think he knows that he is not like most of the boys but so desperately wants to be accepted by them.

Ugh. I'm so sorry. My son has epilepsy and is going to have almost exactly these issues too, I think. I think a lot of kids with ADHD also seem much younger than they really are. Is he on ADHD medication and is it helping? I would think about social skills classes. Also, what about something like Tae Kwon do?

At least I am not alone! No meds for adhd yet as our neurologist wants to get seizures under control first. I really should look into social skills classes. It's hard because at his rehearsals, he is surrounded by quirky kids like him. He feels so successful and included there. I wonder if I should just give up on school friendships. Problem is, the majority of his day is at school not rehearsal.

[Anonymous]

It's wonderful that he is sweet and loving. I totally understand your fear. Middle school is a tough place. Is a small special needs school an option at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kinds of learning disabilities does he have? I'm not sure what you should do. My son sounds very similar. I worry, too. Does he play any sports?

He has processing deficits/focus/attention/executive functioning issues. He doesn't do sports but is very involved in performing arts. Those are his
"People" but those kids aren't at his school. While he doesn't like sports, he is aware that sports are the common denominator with most boys. I think he knows that he is not like most of the boys but so desperately wants to be accepted by them.

Ugh. I'm so sorry. My son has epilepsy and is going to have almost exactly these issues too, I think. I think a lot of kids with ADHD also seem much younger than they really are. Is he on ADHD medication and is it helping? I would think about social skills classes. Also, what about something like Tae Kwon do?

At least I am not alone! No meds for adhd yet as our neurologist wants to get seizures under control first. I really should look into social skills classes. It's hard because at his rehearsals, he is surrounded by quirky kids like him. He feels so successful and included there. I wonder if I should just give up on school friendships. Problem is, the majority of his day is at school not rehearsal.

What kind of epilepsy? We are on lamictal and it's been awesome, FWIW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kinds of learning disabilities does he have? I'm not sure what you should do. My son sounds very similar. I worry, too. Does he play any sports?

He has processing deficits/focus/attention/executive functioning issues. He doesn't do sports but is very involved in performing arts. Those are his
"People" but those kids aren't at his school. While he doesn't like sports, he is aware that sports are the common denominator with most boys. I think he knows that he is not like most of the boys but so desperately wants to be accepted by them.

Ugh. I'm so sorry. My son has epilepsy and is going to have almost exactly these issues too, I think. I think a lot of kids with ADHD also seem much younger than they really are. Is he on ADHD medication and is it helping? I would think about social skills classes. Also, what about something like Tae Kwon do?

At least I am not alone! No meds for adhd yet as our neurologist wants to get seizures under control first. I really should look into social skills classes. It's hard because at his rehearsals, he is surrounded by quirky kids like him. He feels so successful and included there. I wonder if I should just give up on school friendships. Problem is, the majority of his day is at school not rehearsal.

What kind of epilepsy? We are on lamictal and it's been awesome, FWIW.

We are on lamictal and zarontin and they control the seizures but an EEG showed seizure activity. Lamictal has been a wonder drug for us too! I haven't looked into smaller schools bc of the price. We are in fcps and so far have received great sped services but I wonder if a smaller school would address the social issues better. I feel like I don't really get anywhere on the social issues when I bring it up.

[Anonymous]

Ds has childhood absence seizures.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if ADHD meds will help? We have not tried them yet - but these don't really sound like ADHD issues. Its wonderful he has outside friends. I would make it easy for him to invite those friends over or go get food with them or what have you after rehearsals, if possible. What about a swim team for the summer?

[Anonymous]

OP - I would encourage you to look into Boy Scouts if it is not too late to do so as that would be another peer group. Also if you are not tied to a particular church ask around for ones that have a good middle and high school youth group. Then I would go so far as to talk to the youth program staff to see if there might be a couple of more mature kids who could give him a chance introducing him to a wider group.

[Anonymous]

I'd follow his interests. My kid is a little older and very similar to yours. Roundhouse Theater and Imagination Stage have fun classes and are pretty inclusive.

a social skills group might be a good idea as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kinds of learning disabilities does he have? I'm not sure what you should do. My son sounds very similar. I worry, too. Does he play any sports?

He has processing deficits/focus/attention/executive functioning issues. He doesn't do sports but is very involved in performing arts. Those are his
"People" but those kids aren't at his school. While he doesn't like sports, he is aware that sports are the common denominator with most boys. I think he knows that he is not like most of the boys but so desperately wants to be accepted by them.

Can you help him learn the most popular sport among the boys in his grade? He doesn't have to play on a team but at least having an understanding of the game and how to talk about it might help him be seen less as an outsider and that alone could bring about more inclusion.