Apology 12 years after the incident

[Anonymous]

Yesterday I accepted a facebook friends request from a guy I worked with at my first job out of college 12 years ago. We were work friends for about a year and would go out often with group of 10 or so others young people from the office. One night I went back to his place and we slept together.

After that he never spoke to me again unless it was absolutely required by work. It was so awkward I transferred to another location. I was hurt because I had liked him so much.

After I accepted his request, he sent me a message that said he was really sorry for his behavior all those years ago. I don't know how to respond. I haven't thought about what happened for many years. But now that he brings it up, I remember those feelings. What do I say?

[Anonymous]

"So kind of you to send this message. It has long been water under the bridge but I really appreciate it. Hope all is well."

[Anonymous]

I would not respond.

[Anonymous]

I think I would say "Thanks. That's so sweet of you to apologize like that."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"So kind of you to send this message. It has long been water under the bridge but I really appreciate it. Hope all is well."

+1. He is basically telling you he was young and stupid. "it's water under the bridge" is probably a good way to respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"So kind of you to send this message. It has long been water under the bridge but I really appreciate it. Hope all is well."

This. I would also hide my feed from him and block his. Don't know why you'd want to be friends with him.

[Anonymous]

It's nice to receive validation I guess, but what do you think will result in talking about it more?

[Anonymous]

He's making amends, that's good. You can say "Thanks, I appreciate the apology." And leave at that. No need for further pleasantries.

[Anonymous]

He may be going through some sort of recovery program and that is a step. A guy from middle school that I sat next to in English class hunted me down 25 years later to apologize if he had done anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"So kind of you to send this message. It has long been water under the bridge but I really appreciate it. Hope all is well."

This. I would also hide my feed from him and block his. Don't know why you'd want to be friends with him.

Ummm, maybe it really is water under the bridge and maybe the guy really is sorry? At one point Op thought that he was pretty nice. He was at an awkward/young/dumb stage. People do awkward/dumb things sometimes. You either forgive or you don't. If it really isn't water under the bridge for you don't tell him that it is. If you don't want to forgive him just don't respond and block him. Whatever - but that seems like a dumb way to spend your energy.

[Anonymous]

I might say, "You know, Bob, it bothered me at the time, but it is long since water under the bridge. I appreciate you reflecting on it, but no worries. Best to you."

[Anonymous]

This happened to me a few years ago. I was seeing someone, and it started to become clear that I was a lot more into it than he was. I slept with him anyway, but he pretty much stopped talking to me right after. He apologized to me via FB 10 years later. Said that it was a shitty way to treat someone awesome and that he's sorry that he treated me that way.

I actually really appreciated it, because it was heartfelt. We caught up. I met his now-wife, he met my husband and child. We are friends.

[Anonymous]

Is his name Earl by chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may be going through some sort of recovery program and that is a step. A guy from middle school that I sat next to in English class hunted me down 25 years later to apologize if he had done anything.

+1 it's probably a recovery/12 step thing. I find the premise of it very annoying and self centered - "Oh hey, I'm going to bring this long ago incident up and possibly make you relive any the hurt I have caused you, regardless of what's going on in your life, so I can get apologize and get closure."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may be going through some sort of recovery program and that is a step. A guy from middle school that I sat next to in English class hunted me down 25 years later to apologize if he had done anything.

This was my thought. I'm in recovery and apologized to people who probably thought it was out of the blue. From my point of view, admitting wrong (where it wouldn't cause further harm) is important in getting and staying sober. Who knows if this is the case with this guy, but it can't be wrong to meet his message with a thank you.