Apology 12 years after the incident

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I might say, "You know, Bob, it bothered me at the time, but it is long since water under the bridge. I appreciate you reflecting on it, but no worries. Best to you."

There you go. You've gotten your apology, he's been forgiven. Ahhh, nice ending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may be going through some sort of recovery program and that is a step. A guy from middle school that I sat next to in English class hunted me down 25 years later to apologize if he had done anything.

+1 it's probably a recovery/12 step thing. I find the premise of it very annoying and self centered - "Oh hey, I'm going to bring this long ago incident up and possibly make you relive any the hurt I have caused you, regardless of what's going on in your life, so I can get apologize and get closure."

It's not about getting forgiveness. It's about admitting wrong.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I would ignore. He is doing it to appease his feelings and it has nothing to do with you. Hopefully, he will leave you alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may be going through some sort of recovery program and that is a step. A guy from middle school that I sat next to in English class hunted me down 25 years later to apologize if he had done anything.

+1 it's probably a recovery/12 step thing. I find the premise of it very annoying and self centered - "Oh hey, I'm going to bring this long ago incident up and possibly make you relive any the hurt I have caused you, regardless of what's going on in your life, so I can get apologize and get closure."

It's not about getting forgiveness. It's about admitting wrong.

It's actually about making amends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would ignore. He is doing it to appease his feelings and it has nothing to do with you. Hopefully, he will leave you alone.

It sounds as though he is simply acknowledging a wrong and accepting responsibility for it. Forgiving him would be more for you than him and totally your call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's making amends, that's good. You can say "Thanks, I appreciate the apology." And leave at that. No need for further pleasantries.

+1

[Anonymous]

I agree with the "water under the bridge" approach. A similar thing happened to me but it was an ex boyfriend I had more of a relationship. I was angry for many years at him and he friended me, then messaged me in much the same language as OP's guy. It was actually very freeing for my soul to accept the apology. Maybe that's what I'd been waiting for all those years to finally move on and completely close the book. We still don't talk much at all except the occasional comment but it was good for my soul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's making amends, that's good. You can say "Thanks, I appreciate the apology." And leave at that. No need for further pleasantries.

+1

+2 Keep it short and sweet and let him decide how to proceed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would ignore. He is doing it to appease his feelings and it has nothing to do with you. Hopefully, he will leave you alone.

This

[Anonymous]

Another vote for him doing a 12-step recovery program of some sort. The making amends part is supposed to be carefully considered, and actually reaching out and apologizing to people you've hurt should only be done if it's not going to hurt them to open up old wounds. Very tricky.

You don't need to respond to him. It's not supposed to be about getting a response from you. It's about him acknowledging he treated you badly, and it was him, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would ignore. He is doing it to appease his feelings and it has nothing to do with you. Hopefully, he will leave you alone.

This

Why wouldn't he leave her alone? You sound totally paranoid. Sounds like he regrets it or is making amends – whichever – and the gracious thing to do is accept and move on.

[Anonymous]

I would not have excepted the friend request in the first place so I'm not sure what do you want to do. Jan

[Anonymous]

First PP has the right answer.
Many one night stands wouldn't have bothered sending apologies.

[Anonymous]

I would say you appreciate his apology (if you do appreciate it) and then defriend him.

[Anonymous]

First mistake was accepting his "friending" request. He clearly is not a friend the way he treated you. But since you did I like the water under the bridge thought but I would not end it with any comment that might solicit a response from him. Example - if you say "hope all is well" that keeps the conversation open ended. Keep it simple like "Thanks for the apology but it was a long time ago and is water under the bridge." Then I would unfriend him.