Friend who often invites me to events, but then won’t talk to me
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Anonymous
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I have a friend who I have known for many years. She often invites me to activities, parties, events and so on, but once we are there, she won’t talk to me. I feel like the purpose of getting together with a friend is to talk -- at least for a few minutes -- but she either avoids talking to me, talks to me for a minute, then makes an excuse and leaves, introduces me to someone and then leaves, or turns her back and gets into a long one to one conversation with someone else there. WWYD?
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Anonymous
| If you don't have fun then stop accepting her invitations. If you have fun anyway, chalk it up as one of her weird quirks, and keep attending. |
Anonymous
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I'd stop going to group gatherings with her.
You can go to dinner with just the two of you if you want to catch up. |
Anonymous
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Are these the only times you see one another? That's not really a friendship, if so.
If she's a good friend to you generally speaking, then I think you have to write this off and not take it personally. If you want to keep accepting invitations, knowing you'll be going to meet new people and not to reconnect with her, you should. If you don't enjoy yourself, you can easily and politely decline and simply see her in other capacities (e.g. 1:1 brunch). |
Anonymous
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These are the facts of life at large parties.
Which is why I only host small gatherings where everyone can listen in or contribute to meaningful conversations. |
Anonymous
| Do you see her outside of these large group situations? Maybe she doesn't get to see the other people other than at these parties, so she's focusing on them. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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Hmm...This is really odd behavior.
I cannot wrap my head around why she would even take the time to invite you to do something if you will just be invisible to her. She is an odd one, that's for sure. |
Anonymous
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Maybe she's not really into spending time with you and invites you to events where there's a plausible reason for ignoring you just so she can feel she's being a friend instead of cutting you off?
Whatever the reason is - it's not a nice thing to do. |
Anonymous
OP here: Yes, it is very odd. Several times I have thought OK she does not want to continue the friendship, but other freinds say she speaks well of our friendship to them. And then she will text me to get together. She ignores me at a committee that we both serve on, but she is the one who asked me to serve in the first place. I have to say that it does make me feel bad at times. Our friendship has been downgraded to acquaintance? I have never really been in a situation quite like this one. Help me out DCUM, please. |
Anonymous
| That's not a friend. She is weird. I'm not sure if she is socially awkward or what. Have you just asked her why she does that? This is the best approach. You might get a better explanation than from strangers. Either way real friends don't do that, speaking as someone who gets invited to parties and enjoys talking. Pp do you have other friends? Save yourself the headache and consider her as just an acquaintance for going out once in a while. Lower your expectations when she invites you and plan to have fun on your own. |
Anonymous
| Is she hosting and busy? |
Anonymous
| Maybe she is inviting you in the hopes of helping you expand your social circle. She thinks you may enjoy the event and may meet other people you'd like. |
Anonymous
| It's just the way she is. Most of us have our eccentricities. That's hers. Don't take it personally. If it bothers you enough, don't go places with her. |
Anonymous
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Go if you have fun.
Don't go if you don't have fun. Stop expecting a different outcome when you keep doing the same thing. |