Dating : exclusive ?

[Anonymous]

guy, late 40s, back on the 'market'. Had a few great dates with different women. When should it be exclusive to one person ?

[Anonymous]

When you both want it to be and you discuss that topic and agree to be exclusive.

It sounds like you're just starting to date after a divorce. Slow your roll. It's not a race to find a new partner. Have fun. See what's out there. Don't be that guy who can't be alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

guy, late 40s, back on the 'market'. Had a few great dates with different women. When should it be exclusive to one person ?

Never. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Woman here, in a LTR now but was dating after divorce. My personal rule was that in order to have sex, we needed to be exclusive. Up until that point, fair game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

guy, late 40s, back on the 'market'. Had a few great dates with different women. When should it be exclusive to one person ?

Never. Seriously.

When she starts paying for the dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here, in a LTR now but was dating after divorce. My personal rule was that in order to have sex, we needed to be exclusive. Up until that point, fair game.

Well you really are not dating if you are not having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here, in a LTR now but was dating after divorce. My personal rule was that in order to have sex, we needed to be exclusive. Up until that point, fair game.

Well you really are not dating if you are not having sex.

That's your opinion. Just like I think I can have sex with someone and not be dating them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you both want it to be and you discuss that topic and agree to be exclusive.

I like this.

[Anonymous]

When you feel so strongly about each other that you don't want either of you dating other people.

You will know when.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here, in a LTR now but was dating after divorce. My personal rule was that in order to have sex, we needed to be exclusive. Up until that point, fair game.

+1 million.

Signed, another woman.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the person but in general 2-3 months. Some people agree sooner and some people want to take it a lot slower. The other thing to consider is some women want exclusivity before having sex others will have sex without exclusivity or really being sure this is the guy they want to date for any length of time. Many, though not all, women will date other guys if you aren't exclusive, not that's it a reason to rush into anything but just so you aren't surprised.

Now there comes a point when your feelings for someone can impact their feelings for you and vice versa. If they aren't interested, you can't will someone to return your interest. But if they really like you and feel that you are reciprocating that interest they may feel like there is no point dating other people and they want to be exclusive. But if they really like you and it isn't obvious you reciprocate the feeling they may feel it makes sense to move on to someone else. In that case the lack of having an exclusivity discussion is a sign - like the Maya Angelou quote I've seen from someone else on DCUM "Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here, in a LTR now but was dating after divorce. My personal rule was that in order to have sex, we needed to be exclusive. Up until that point, fair game.

I was the OP, except in my early 40s - this was pretty much how it worked out for me too. There was only one time when I was sleeping with two different women and I personally found it to be a super-stressful couple of weeks. I actually got to the point where I was happy to delay sex (normally a 3rd date person) so that I could comfortably continue dating a couple of different people - in that one instance both of the women pushed for sex sooner - one is now my DW.

[Anonymous]

It's difficult, but here's my advice. If it's just been a few dates (let's say 3-4) and there's been no sex there's no need to have "the talk." I think when you start going on many more dates than that OR it's getting very physical then there should be a talk. It doesn't have to be a huge deal, but people deserve honesty. If you find yourself going on the 5th date with someone and you're still dating other people, just say that's what's happening. Just be upfront so people don't get unnecessarily hurt. Look back at the postings here and you'll find people (both men and women) posting about how hurt they are finding out a month into dating someone that the other person was seeing other people for most of that time. I think it's perfectly ok to be going on dates with more than one person but I think once it goes beyond a brief introductory period that it's important to make sure everybody is "on the same page" as to what's happening. And people can make their own decisions about what to do next. Maybe that girl who has gone on 8 dates with you wouldn't want to go on any more if she knew you were still trying out other people. Or maybe you wouldn't want to be investing your time in someone who was seeing other people. Or maybe the opposite. I think the best policy is being casually upfront and honest. good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's difficult, but here's my advice. If it's just been a few dates (let's say 3-4) and there's been no sex there's no need to have "the talk." I think when you start going on many more dates than that OR it's getting very physical then there should be a talk. It doesn't have to be a huge deal, but people deserve honesty. If you find yourself going on the 5th date with someone and you're still dating other people, just say that's what's happening. Just be upfront so people don't get unnecessarily hurt. Look back at the postings here and you'll find people (both men and women) posting about how hurt they are finding out a month into dating someone that the other person was seeing other people for most of that time. I think it's perfectly ok to be going on dates with more than one person but I think once it goes beyond a brief introductory period that it's important to make sure everybody is "on the same page" as to what's happening. And people can make their own decisions about what to do next. Maybe that girl who has gone on 8 dates with you wouldn't want to go on any more if she knew you were still trying out other people. Or maybe you wouldn't want to be investing your time in someone who was seeing other people. Or maybe the opposite. I think the best policy is being casually upfront and honest. good luck.

OP : thanks everyone, very helpful !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

guy, late 40s, back on the 'market'. Had a few great dates with different women. When should it be exclusive to one person ?

Never. Seriously.

When she starts paying for the dates.

And hell freezes over !