Grandparent Visits During Schoolyear
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Anonymous
| How do you handle grandparents who want to visit after school? Our son doesn't get home from school until after 4pm, and we try to settle him down and get him to bed by 8pm at the very latest. From the second we get home, it's hectic with homework, dinner, lunch packing, bath time, etc (as I am sure you can all relate to!) Inlaws refuse to make time during the weekends, and although they live nearly 90 minutes away, they want to visit after school. Am I wrong to just say no? Make time during the weekends? |
Anonymous
| I'd be flexible on Friday nights, but other than that I'd say Mon-Thurs is off limits. Unless they are helpful and are alleviating you of "things to do" and not creating more "things to do" (like make them dinner and entertain them). |
Anonymous
Oh, they expect dinner and help with nothing! I like this approach. Thanks! |
Anonymous
| Nope, they need to visit or could join for weekday dinner (if you would be able to get them to leave). Could you ask them to pick up a pizza on the way over & do dinner after bath time. You could eat dinner together, read him a book, put him to bed, and leave. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| So, my folks live a long drive away and my inlaws a long flight; so this doesn't come up that often. But I don't generally mind. They're not big helpers but they love entertaining the kids. So they entertain the kids while I get dinner on the table, and clean up. It actually reduces some of the chaos in my house, generally, to have a couple of extra child-minders in the evening. They don't get to socialize with me very much, but they don't usually want to! Sometimes I make use of them during bedtime too but I usually find it is easier to set them up with a cocktail and a tv show while I get the kids in bed or just shoo them politely back to a hotel. |
Anonymous
| ...and the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon... |
Anonymous
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My parents are came to help because I've been quite ill. They make meals, clean the house, schlepp the kids. THANK GOD for them.
If yours are not helping at least a little bit, you'll have to have a talk with them. |
Anonymous
This was my reaction. Unless your son has 3 hrs of homework, I don't see what the issue is. My parents come over in the afternoon all the time. I won't compare the situations because my parents usually are very helpful (bring over dinner for the kids, for example, and help with baths) but even when they're not and do things like get them hyped up on sugar cookies and disregard bedtime, I think it's worth it to facilitate the grandparent relationship. And my kids love seeing them so much. |
Anonymous
In what grade is your son? If you are still giving baths, then I would assume K-1. How much homeowrk can there be? Have Granny or Pops sit with him as he does his reading or have them read to him. Do not wait for them to offer. Say, 'since I am getting dinner ready, why don't you sit with Larlo while he reads.' Have DH do the lunch packing ( what 15 minutes tops????). I think you are over thinking this. |
Anonymous
Can't believe that there is 3 hours of homework if they are still giving DC a bath. |
Anonymous
Right. |
Anonymous
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Entertaining grandparents on a weeknight- no way. People who have helpful parents/ in-laws that don't need to be entertained don't understand.
Tell them weekend or nothing. |
Anonymous
Perhaps he takes a bath alone, but still has one every night. I'd imagine the issue is that the grandparents want you to SKIP all the routine stuff (homework, chores, bed time) to spend time with THEM. OP didn't say that, but that's the vibe I got. It throws a wrench into the middle of the busy work/school week. I can totally understand why that would be annoying. These grandparents don't live around the corner, they live 90 mins away. SO they are driving a bit to see the grand kid and probably expect some sort of special accommodations to go along with that. I'd push them to weekends if they aren't helping with the nightly routine. |
Anonymous
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How often do they want to visit? Unless they want to do this every week, I would be flexible. They can pick him up from school/meet the bus, spend the afternoon with him, have dinner altogether (take-out?), skip a bath (skipping a bath once is not going to hurt him) and then they can do the bedtime routine. My kids would love this, and it's easier on you than having them around all weekend.
If he's in high school and has hours of homework then I'd feel differently, but it doesn't sound like he's that old. |