Grandparent Visits During Schoolyear

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...and the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon...

This was my reaction. Unless your son has 3 hrs of homework, I don't see what the issue is. My parents come over in the afternoon all the time. I won't compare the situations because my parents usually are very helpful (bring over dinner for the kids, for example, and help with baths) but even when they're not and do things like get them hyped up on sugar cookies and disregard bedtime, I think it's worth it to facilitate the grandparent relationship. And my kids love seeing them so much.

Can't believe that there is 3 hours of homework if they are still giving DC a bath.

Perhaps he takes a bath alone, but still has one every night.

I'd imagine the issue is that the grandparents want you to SKIP all the routine stuff (homework, chores, bed time) to spend time with THEM. OP didn't say that, but that's the vibe I got. It throws a wrench into the middle of the busy work/school week. I can totally understand why that would be annoying. These grandparents don't live around the corner, they live 90 mins away. SO they are driving a bit to see the grand kid and probably expect some sort of special accommodations to go along with that. I'd push them to weekends if they aren't helping with the nightly routine.

+1

Are they just bored retired people? If so, that's their issue. They need to find other things to occupy their time. Spending as much time as possible with the grandchildren is the easiest solution for them. Doesn't involve self reflection and puts responsibility of purpose onto the shoulders of their adult children.

[Anonymous]

*responsibility of finding a new purpose

[Anonymous]

How often are they driving the 90 minutes? You have people who want to be involved in your kids lives. That's awesome. If it's every week, yup - that's a problem and you need to put the brakes on it.

But once a month you can manage so that your kids have a good relationship with the grandparents.
Would it be great if they were helpful? Sure. Would it be great if they worked around your schedule? Sure. But they don't, so work with what you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Entertaining grandparents on a weeknight- no way. People who have helpful parents/ in-laws that don't need to be entertained don't understand.

Tell them weekend or nothing.

I agree. Evenings are terrible for us. Too much going on with after school sports, clubs, dinner and homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...and the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon...

This was my reaction. Unless your son has 3 hrs of homework, I don't see what the issue is. My parents come over in the afternoon all the time. I won't compare the situations because my parents usually are very helpful (bring over dinner for the kids, for example, and help with baths) but even when they're not and do things like get them hyped up on sugar cookies and disregard bedtime, I think it's worth it to facilitate the grandparent relationship. And my kids love seeing them so much.

This exactly. And I'd put my parents in the "think they are helpful but are actually unhelpful" category but they have a wonderful relationship with my kids and that is what matters. This seems like not that big of a deal. Just have the kids go about doing what they have to do and grandparents can help or not. And give them jobs - please pick up pizza, please chop veggies, etc. They will either get the hint and help or suddenly find other things to do on weekdays ....

[Anonymous]

Does your child go to a school where parents and grandparents can have lunch with him? My sons did and my parents would occasionally surprise them at lunch.

[Anonymous]

Tell them no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...and the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon...

NP. OK, yes, but...

1) The grandparents aren't making weekend time, which is better for OP's family. So if the grandkids really were a priority, they would be more flexible about this.
2) The grandparents aren't being helpful on weeknights. They expect dinner and to be entertained, not to pitch in and make a nice night for the whole family. They could give a little here, and get a lot.
3) OP is by no means saying "no grandparent visits," she's just understandably frustrated about them being inflexible and unhelpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...and the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon...

This was my reaction. Unless your son has 3 hrs of homework, I don't see what the issue is. My parents come over in the afternoon all the time. I won't compare the situations because my parents usually are very helpful (bring over dinner for the kids, for example, and help with baths) but even when they're not and do things like get them hyped up on sugar cookies and disregard bedtime, I think it's worth it to facilitate the grandparent relationship. And my kids love seeing them so much.

Can't believe that there is 3 hours of homework if they are still giving DC a bath.

Perhaps he takes a bath alone, but still has one every night.

I'd imagine the issue is that the grandparents want you to SKIP all the routine stuff (homework, chores, bed time) to spend time with THEM. OP didn't say that, but that's the vibe I got. It throws a wrench into the middle of the busy work/school week. I can totally understand why that would be annoying. These grandparents don't live around the corner, they live 90 mins away. SO they are driving a bit to see the grand kid and probably expect some sort of special accommodations to go along with that. I'd push them to weekends if they aren't helping with the nightly routine.

OP here. This EXACTLY! They expect to go out to dinner, or have us make one. (They don't offer to bring dinner, ever.) Once that is said and done, our son is hyped up when we would normally be settling him down, they go home, and we are left to deal with him the next morning (and the next day, when he comes home exhausted.) They are probably just bored, retired folks with nothing to do during the week. BUT, they want to make this an every week thing. I wouldn't mind once a month. Since they won't budge on the weekends, I guess I don't see how us setting weekday guidelines is any different, but it just feels a little wrong. I don't know.

[Anonymous]

tell them they can come if you guys have a pizza night. or crockpot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...and the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon...

This was my reaction. Unless your son has 3 hrs of homework, I don't see what the issue is. My parents come over in the afternoon all the time. I won't compare the situations because my parents usually are very helpful (bring over dinner for the kids, for example, and help with baths) but even when they're not and do things like get them hyped up on sugar cookies and disregard bedtime, I think it's worth it to facilitate the grandparent relationship. And my kids love seeing them so much.

Can't believe that there is 3 hours of homework if they are still giving DC a bath.

Perhaps he takes a bath alone, but still has one every night.

I'd imagine the issue is that the grandparents want you to SKIP all the routine stuff (homework, chores, bed time) to spend time with THEM. OP didn't say that, but that's the vibe I got. It throws a wrench into the middle of the busy work/school week. I can totally understand why that would be annoying. These grandparents don't live around the corner, they live 90 mins away. SO they are driving a bit to see the grand kid and probably expect some sort of special accommodations to go along with that. I'd push them to weekends if they aren't helping with the nightly routine.

OP here. This EXACTLY! They expect to go out to dinner, or have us make one. (They don't offer to bring dinner, ever.) Once that is said and done, our son is hyped up when we would normally be settling him down, they go home, and we are left to deal with him the next morning (and the next day, when he comes home exhausted.) They are probably just bored, retired folks with nothing to do during the week. BUT, they want to make this an every week thing. I wouldn't mind once a month. Since they won't budge on the weekends, I guess I don't see how us setting weekday guidelines is any different, but it just feels a little wrong. I don't know.

Open your mouth and set some guidelines and boundaries that will work for everyone.

"Mary, Ted, we are very busy on weekend nights, between work and school. We'd love to have you, but frankly, we can only have you on weeknights if you can pitch in. If you can bring a pizza, we'll have salad and dessert ready. And please note that Timmy is going to do homework from 5-5:30, and will go up for a bath at 7:30 as usual. If you want more flexibility, weekends are much better for us."

[Anonymous]

Let them come and run the whole after school/dinner routine. You and DH go out.

[Anonymous]

My children have no living grandparents. I would give anything for my children to have a visit from their grandparents. No matter what the disruption would be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My children have no living grandparents. I would give anything for my children to have a visit from their grandparents. No matter what the disruption would be.

OK, well you had better not be posting about any problems or questions, ever. Because I guarantee someone doesn't have a spouse, or a sister, or a home, or what have you. Stop. OP has some legitimate questions and concerns, and we are trying to help her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...and the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon...

This was my reaction. Unless your son has 3 hrs of homework, I don't see what the issue is. My parents come over in the afternoon all the time. I won't compare the situations because my parents usually are very helpful (bring over dinner for the kids, for example, and help with baths) but even when they're not and do things like get them hyped up on sugar cookies and disregard bedtime, I think it's worth it to facilitate the grandparent relationship. And my kids love seeing them so much.

Can't believe that there is 3 hours of homework if they are still giving DC a bath.

Perhaps he takes a bath alone, but still has one every night.

I'd imagine the issue is that the grandparents want you to SKIP all the routine stuff (homework, chores, bed time) to spend time with THEM. OP didn't say that, but that's the vibe I got. It throws a wrench into the middle of the busy work/school week. I can totally understand why that would be annoying. These grandparents don't live around the corner, they live 90 mins away. SO they are driving a bit to see the grand kid and probably expect some sort of special accommodations to go along with that. I'd push them to weekends if they aren't helping with the nightly routine.

OP here. This EXACTLY! They expect to go out to dinner, or have us make one. (They don't offer to bring dinner, ever.) Once that is said and done, our son is hyped up when we would normally be settling him down, they go home, and we are left to deal with him the next morning (and the next day, when he comes home exhausted.) They are probably just bored, retired folks with nothing to do during the week. BUT, they want to make this an every week thing. I wouldn't mind once a month. Since they won't budge on the weekends, I guess I don't see how us setting weekday guidelines is any different, but it just feels a little wrong. I don't know.

Open your mouth and set some guidelines and boundaries that will work for everyone.

"Mary, Ted, we are very busy on weekend nights, between work and school. We'd love to have you, but frankly, we can only have you on weeknights if you can pitch in. If you can bring a pizza, we'll have salad and dessert ready. And please note that Timmy is going to do homework from 5-5:30, and will go up for a bath at 7:30 as usual. If you want more flexibility, weekends are much better for us."

This. Be a grown up and communicate the specific issues without taking the extreme position.