Class fund non-participants: where do you think the party food comes from??

[Anonymous]

I had no idea parents even did this.

My kids go to a Montessori elementary school and there are no class parties organized by parents-none. And it is GREAT. The kids come up with their own fun ways to celebrate in the classroom (sharing family traditions, handwritten valentine notes to every classmate, Halloween bingo) that don’t require parents to go out and buy things and/or provide food. My kids adore their school and have so much fun learning without all of this unnecessary stuff you are all talking about.

Staff appreciation is a potluck or catered lunch during the year provided by the parents. There is a sign up sheet to either donate money, time, or supplies for this but I have never been hounded about it.

No one asks or tries to strong arm money for teacher gifts. There is an optional holiday collection, but parents can do their own thing or nothing too, no influences one way or the other. I’m not aware of birthday or end of the year gifts being given to teachers and have never done this or known anyone to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You see it as a demand. I see it as a way to appreciate people who positively affect my family’s life: tutor, leader of book club, teacher, dentist if we go that month, close neighbors, all get something. What’s the “a lot” you’re donating to the classroom? Supplies for the kids - like napkins for parties - or gifts for a teacher to thank her?

+1

We have donated homemade dishes for staff appreciation events when money was tight at home. I have volunteered to cut, sort, copy, assemble stuff for teachers at home so that they can prep for future lessons and I have donated whenever I could afford to give, Thankfully, we are now blessed to be able to afford to give $5 -$10 dollars every semester without any problem.

As a room parent, I create an excel spreadsheet with all the parents names and amount contributed and put it on a shared google drive. I update as needed. I keep sending the link to parents in a group message, and I have set a limit of $20 for the entire year. I do not accept more than that because it pays easily for classroom supplies and one or two ice cream party in the middle and end of the school year. People can see who has contributed etc, and that is an effective way to have everyone contribute in a timely manner. I have parent who will contribute on behalf of other families too when they see that these families have not contributed even after several reminders.

Well that is embarrassing for families who need the "charity" of other families.

Welcome to the real world.

Some people are selfish and some generous. Some have money and some need the charity of others. I am not in the business of making the world fair for everyone.

I have only taken the volunteer task of making sure that the classroom has supplies, books and one or two ice-cream social that coincides with the culmination of a big class project etc. My attempt was to do it in the most equitable way by keeping costs down ($20 is affordable for our class demographics), being transparent (the shared google drive), having accountability (excel spreadsheet) and good communication without it sucking up all my time. It has helped to set a precedence for the next room parent and has set expectations about what to expect in terms of communication for the entire class. I am grateful to the parents who want to give more and have covered for other parents.

If the classroom needs supplies or books, you ask for donations of such as well as party stuff. Demanding $20 per family and harassing them until you get it is not ok.

You will be happy to know that no one gets harassed as other families step in and give for those who do not give. Usually those who do not give do so because - they don't read the emails, they don't want to give, they cannot be shamed into giving. Very rarely it is because of their economic situation. Other parents give on their behalf and they are happy to ride the gravy train. Oh well - you will always have the freeloaders in all situations in life. You just soldier on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Potato -potahto. Point is, it’s generally expected that a room parent organies class gifts at least for Xmas, teacher appreciation week and usually the end of year. You all you think it’s a choice and you don’t have to - it’s generally understood that is a part of the job. Don’t know about you, but if I take a job I do it to the best of my ability. You all are cheap and and unappreciative. We’re talking about $5 or so per family per gift. If it’s so offensive to you that teachers are given gifts a few times a year, don’t contribute. We will continue to spotting you so that she feels appreciated.

What other professional needs gifts multiple times per year to feel appreciated? I just don't get it. My mom taught for 30 years. She got some X-mas gifts and maybe some flowers for teacher's appreciation week. It really was enough. Where is this whole idea coming from that teachers need multiple cash presents in each year to feel appreciated? If kids make cards for their teachers and write why they love their teachers, is the teacher really not going to feel appreciated without money?

PP, I still think you're a bossy busybody who decided what teachers ought to have, and then want to bully everyone else into financing what you view as an appropriate gift or a party. You really need to chill out. Gifts are gifts. They're not a tax or a fee. And kids can enjoy simple, non-bourgeois parties.

Don't you get bonuses at your job? Holiday party, company picnic, staff appreciation lunches? It would be ideal if the school system paid for these, but since that is not the case, I don't have an issue with chipping in to make these types of things happen.

Also, do you give gifts/bonuses to your cleaning people, hairdresser, trash collectors, etc? Why not show appreciation to teachers?

My husband and I have never gotten bonuses. We don't have cleaning people, our trash collectors are county paid, etc. You can show reasonable appreciation but the demand is greedy. I donate a lot to the classroom.

You see it as a demand. I see it as a way to appreciate people who positively affect my family’s life: tutor, leader of book club, teacher, dentist if we go that month, close neighbors, all get something. What’s the “a lot” you’re donating to the classroom? Supplies for the kids - like napkins for parties - or gifts for a teacher to thank her?

And it’s fine if you see it that way, but when you dictate and demand how other families spend their money, it’s a problem. When room moms try to shame parents into contributing, it’s a problem. When room moms overspend their budget, it’s a problem. When room moms choose to add money from their own pocket then complain about it as though they were forced, it’s a stupid problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a subset of "room moms" who are very aggressive about taking over and some of them are silly about showy party favors, teacher gifts, etc.

I contribute to the fund but I admit to resenting these aggressive "show" moms.

One of our room moms insists on collecting money and donations and ends up keeping the money for herself. I will no longer work with her and I will never ever give her cash since there is no accountability.

This is along that cynicism that the room parent does it to bribe the teacher to do things just for her. Or the room mom does it to throwbthese outlandish pintrist inspired parties.

Gmafb

I assure you that type of room parent is few and far between. Most want to get the thankless job done by supplementing the teacher’s job when asked, doing a few nice things for the teacher and kids and that’s it. Are you conspiracy theorists also hoarding grain for the end of the world?

Ps - are these suspicious and stingy folks the same who are aghast that teachers don’t want ornaments and mugs for Xmas?

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me so happy that my kids attend normal, sane schools with no room parents. People just donate the requested items for parties and give the gifts that work for them. Keeping track of who did or didn't contribute would never fly, since half of the kids are FARMS. You rich McLean people are cracking me up. You all seem so high maintenance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I had no idea parents even did this.

My kids go to a Montessori elementary school and there are no class parties organized by parents-none. And it is GREAT. The kids come up with their own fun ways to celebrate in the classroom (sharing family traditions, handwritten valentine notes to every classmate, Halloween bingo) that don’t require parents to go out and buy things and/or provide food. My kids adore their school and have so much fun learning without all of this unnecessary stuff you are all talking about.

Staff appreciation is a potluck or catered lunch during the year provided by the parents. There is a sign up sheet to either donate money, time, or supplies for this but I have never been hounded about it.

No one asks or tries to strong arm money for teacher gifts. There is an optional holiday collection, but parents can do their own thing or nothing too, no influences one way or the other. I’m not aware of birthday or end of the year gifts being given to teachers and have never done this or known anyone to do it.

Gotta love the Montessori parents. They never fail to take an opportunity to say or write things exactly like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Usually those who do not give do so because - they don't read the emails, they don't want to give, they cannot be shamed into giving. Very rarely it is because of their economic situation. Other parents give on their behalf and they are happy to ride the gravy train. Oh well - you will always have the freeloaders in all situations in life. You just soldier on.

You're making a lot of assumptions. Maybe the family is having a medical crisis or some other crisis. Maybe they're not on the email list or don't check that email account. You don't know people's personal or financial situations and why they may or may not be contributing.

You should step down from being a room mom at least for next year. The entire thing seems like it's turning you into a bitter, judgmental person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I had no idea parents even did this.

My kids go to a Montessori elementary school and there are no class parties organized by parents-none. And it is GREAT. The kids come up with their own fun ways to celebrate in the classroom (sharing family traditions, handwritten valentine notes to every classmate, Halloween bingo) that don’t require parents to go out and buy things and/or provide food. My kids adore their school and have so much fun learning without all of this unnecessary stuff you are all talking about.

Staff appreciation is a potluck or catered lunch during the year provided by the parents. There is a sign up sheet to either donate money, time, or supplies for this but I have never been hounded about it.

No one asks or tries to strong arm money for teacher gifts. There is an optional holiday collection, but parents can do their own thing or nothing too, no influences one way or the other. I’m not aware of birthday or end of the year gifts being given to teachers and have never done this or known anyone to do it.

Gotta love the Montessori parents. They never fail to take an opportunity to say or write things exactly like this.

Yep: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/771668.page#14171909

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so happy that my kids attend normal, sane schools with no room parents. People just donate the requested items for parties and give the gifts that work for them. Keeping track of who did or didn't contribute would never fly, since half of the kids are FARMS. You rich McLean people are cracking me up. You all seem so high maintenance.

It doesn't have to be crazy with room parents or low FARMS schools. Our Bethesda school has room parents, but they made one fairly modest request at the beginning of the year and made it clear it was voluntary. The couple of parties have been very low key - juice, mini muffins, oranges, and some simple crafts. People did their own things for gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I had no idea parents even did this.

My kids go to a Montessori elementary school and there are no class parties organized by parents-none. And it is GREAT. The kids come up with their own fun ways to celebrate in the classroom (sharing family traditions, handwritten valentine notes to every classmate, Halloween bingo) that don’t require parents to go out and buy things and/or provide food. My kids adore their school and have so much fun learning without all of this unnecessary stuff you are all talking about.

Staff appreciation is a potluck or catered lunch during the year provided by the parents. There is a sign up sheet to either donate money, time, or supplies for this but I have never been hounded about it.

No one asks or tries to strong arm money for teacher gifts. There is an optional holiday collection, but parents can do their own thing or nothing too, no influences one way or the other. I’m not aware of birthday or end of the year gifts being given to teachers and have never done this or known anyone to do it.

Gotta love the Montessori parents. They never fail to take an opportunity to say or write things exactly like this.

What? That it is possible for kids to love school and have a good time without a pizza/cupcake/Pinterest party for every occasion? How outlandish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I had no idea parents even did this.

My kids go to a Montessori elementary school and there are no class parties organized by parents-none. And it is GREAT. The kids come up with their own fun ways to celebrate in the classroom (sharing family traditions, handwritten valentine notes to every classmate, Halloween bingo) that don’t require parents to go out and buy things and/or provide food. My kids adore their school and have so much fun learning without all of this unnecessary stuff you are all talking about.

Staff appreciation is a potluck or catered lunch during the year provided by the parents. There is a sign up sheet to either donate money, time, or supplies for this but I have never been hounded about it.

No one asks or tries to strong arm money for teacher gifts. There is an optional holiday collection, but parents can do their own thing or nothing too, no influences one way or the other. I’m not aware of birthday or end of the year gifts being given to teachers and have never done this or known anyone to do it.

Gotta love the Montessori parents. They never fail to take an opportunity to say or write things exactly like this.

What? That it is possible for kids to love school and have a good time without a pizza/cupcake/Pinterest party for every occasion? How outlandish.

No, dear. It isn’t about whether you need food for it to be a good time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so happy that my kids attend normal, sane schools with no room parents. People just donate the requested items for parties and give the gifts that work for them. Keeping track of who did or didn't contribute would never fly, since half of the kids are FARMS. You rich McLean people are cracking me up. You all seem so high maintenance.

It doesn't have to be crazy with room parents or low FARMS schools. Our Bethesda school has room parents, but they made one fairly modest request at the beginning of the year and made it clear it was voluntary. The couple of parties have been very low key - juice, mini muffins, oranges, and some simple crafts. People did their own things for gifts.

This must be for lower elementary. A 6th grader and a mini muffin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Usually those who do not give do so because - they don't read the emails, they don't want to give, they cannot be shamed into giving. Very rarely it is because of their economic situation. Other parents give on their behalf and they are happy to ride the gravy train. Oh well - you will always have the freeloaders in all situations in life. You just soldier on.

You're making a lot of assumptions. Maybe the family is having a medical crisis or some other crisis. Maybe they're not on the email list or don't check that email account. You don't know people's personal or financial situations and why they may or may not be contributing.

You should step down from being a room mom at least for next year. The entire thing seems like it's turning you into a bitter, judgmental person.

No one else wants to do the work of a room mom. Most people appreciate the work I do, and the few who do not contribute are covered by the generosity of other parents. And if they were having a medical/financial crisis these parents are savvy enough to start a GoFundMe. What do you do about the crisis of poor upbringing or the crisis of lack of civic sense? Sorry but no sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a room parent and always do Sign Up Genius for snacks and supplies for any party. I only do one $ collection a year and that is for the teacher end of year gift. We are an affluent community and I would never expect everyone to contribute to pizza - that is ridiculous. PTA is different - that is for overall school enrichment, not individual class parties.

After reading this thread, I've concluded this is the best approach.

The only thing I would say is ask for a small amount for the gift because many may give something on their own as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a room parent and always do Sign Up Genius for snacks and supplies for any party. I only do one $ collection a year and that is for the teacher end of year gift. We are an affluent community and I would never expect everyone to contribute to pizza - that is ridiculous. PTA is different - that is for overall school enrichment, not individual class parties.

After reading this thread, I've concluded this is the best approach.

The only thing I would say is ask for a small amount for the gift because many may give something on their own as well

It is insanity that people are in a huff about a pizza party once or twice during the whole year. You don’t provide lunch that day. Your kids enjoy it. This is such a tiny thing to help build the classroom community to have downtime for a special occasion - field day or Xmas time. I am
Baffled by any other stance than this is okay. I get lots of appreciative remarks from parents how they love the pics I sent of the class party- even from those that contributed zero. It’s a fricken special lunch 1-2 times out of 9+ months. My goodness.