Sibling physical fight - tell me how I did
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Anonymous
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5 & 7 year olds got in a fight after dinner... I'd called them to come upstairs for showers and I think my 5 yr old son ran up first and my 7 year old DD might have been scared or might have been trying to be first, but sh scratched his back (I didn't see it til his shower) then DS reached around and hit her in her face, scratching her below the eye.
I exploded at him, yelling in my scariest voice, put him in the guest room with light off, told him I'd take his new toy away, and finally told him he'd be going straight to bed after shower - no book, no cuddles, nothing. I was so angry - one reason I reacted so emotionally is bc DD has 2 scars on her face from him - he threw a matchbox car in her face when he was 2 and its left a bad scar and he scratched her when he was 3/4 on her face and left another scar and I feel so guilty and so sad that her perfect beautiful face has these marks. Then, when I got him into the shower, I saw his back and got mad at DD - also told her to go to bed. She cried for a really really long time. Like quiet sobbing - not hysterical drama queen crying. She's a super fragile kind of kid and this is the harshest I have ever been with her. I told both of them that they have to be kind to each other, that I care more about kindness than how well they read or how smart they are, and that they can't hurt each other's bodies. I also threatened that we wouldn't go to the back to school party this weekend. I just went and checked sleeping DD and face looks fine - thank god he didn't break skin. But man, kids are tough. I definitely was too hard on my son at first, but was deeply upset about DDs face... Interestingly, just a couple hours before, is praised them both for being so cooperative and nice and helpful... Then it all went to shit. |
Anonymous
| You overreacted. |
Anonymous
| Down the road, he should pay for her plastic surgery to fix the scars. Tell him now. |
Anonymous
Twice. |
Anonymous
| You overreacted and you need to supervise them better. |
Anonymous
| 50% of the time, it all goes to shit in our house too. You know you didi poorly- I won't make you feel worse, but next time, don't put kids in room w/o lights. Its mean and super scary. Doesn't teach them anything. Instead, we have a peace table in our house. When someone is mad at a family member, the person who is upset needs to invite the offender to the peace table, and let them know why you are upset. then the other person get to say what happened in their mind. Half the time it works, it's usually miscommunication or just the act of going to the peace table and hearing each other out helps. The other 50% of the time, it still goes to shit. but hey, we try |
Anonymous
| Siblings fight all of the time. It's completely normal. You need to apologize to your kids in the morning. And your feelings about her "perfect beautiful face" are ridiculous. |
Anonymous
| Makes you wonder who hit who first. One of your kids was defending his/her self and got screamed at by you. Not to mention you ruined the evening and put them to bed stressed. Its natural competition between siblings. Your reaction to a scar on your daughters face is going affect bith kids. Get over it. He was two and threw something. |
Anonymous
NP - nope if more than one person feels the same its not ridiculous. Its just that you cant relate. |
Anonymous
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I think you were fine op. I would have acted the exact same way. My kids know they can not on any way shape or form hit each other.
But then again, my kids don't and haven't gotten to this point, so maybe my overreacting works. |
Anonymous
| I don't have specific advice, but read Siblings Without Rivalry. It's the classic on managing siblings. |
Anonymous
| You totally overreacted. Kids fight. Of course you should address it and dole out consequences when necessary, but you went over the top. Putting a kid in a dark room and closing the door is cruel and scary. You don't have to terrifying them to discipline them. Take a step back and reassess your style, OP. |
Anonymous
That's really messed up |
Anonymous
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I'm not a perfect mom, so no soap box here. My response when they go after each other (which is rare) is to remind them of what they are to each other. "Hey, I gave you a best friend for life! What's going on?!!! You guys know better than this!" Once it was established that she scratched first, I'd have her apologize and assume she didn't do it on purpose. I probably would've followed up with a hearty "Stop running on the stairs!!" If they were both being jerks about it and I couldn't get them to hug it out and remember who they are to each other, I may have sent them to bed without the treat of hanging out together and reading stories and all that. But, with reluctance and sadness, not rage. "If you guys can't figure it out, maybe you need time to yourselves." FWIW, I don't tolerate fighting. I don't allow for it because it's normal or whatever. All they have is each other, so I shut that down HARD and give loads of praise around the positives they do for one another. We all draw a line on some issue, this one is mine. As for her face, CVS has a scar cream that you'll have to apply for weeks, but it works wonders. I use it on my little one's knees all winter to repair the summer damage. GL!! I figure the hard work you put in now will pay off when they're teens. I'd rather they conspire against me than work against each other. And they do---already at 5 and 7 also. Maintaining that bond is really important to me. |
Anonymous
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Um- too much op. Too much.
Kids fight. You teach them to engage in other behaviors instead of hitting, scratching etc. I wonder if your kids understood not to fight again or not to piss you off again. |