Am I Doing Something Wrong?

[Anonymous]

I've been friends with him and his family for about 10 years now. Over the last couple months I've been thinking that he's flirting with me but didn't say anything to our group of friends because I didn't want to put anything in anyone's head. I couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore though after we all went out and he got drunk. He told me "there's no one else I would rather be talking to" and "you are mind blowing". I didn't say anything until he text me after I ran into him at the store and I was stand offish. He started off his message by saying he knew why I was mad at him. (I thought great he's going to apologize!) but come to figure, he had came to the conclusion that I wanted him to leave his wife. He even flat out told me he would date me.

I went off on him. Told him how inappropriate he was being and that he needs to focus on his family. He has 4 children yet he attempts to contact me every night and even tells me about the issues him and his wife are having. After I was done telling him he should work on his marriage, he apologized and begged for us to still be friends and for me to still hang around our initial group of friends. I agreed but it doesn't feel right. Am I doing something wrong by still hanging out in a group setting with him? He still texts me almost every night I guess as a "friend" but I just ignore it because I know he wants more. I don't want to stop hanging around my friends just because he hangs around them too. And I also don't want to say anything to his wife because I don't want his family to suffer just because he's an idiot. But then again I don't know why I'm protecting him for his own consequences. Please help.

[Anonymous]

I'd block him on your phone, and never be alone with him.

[Anonymous]

Keep ignoring his texts. He should get the message. I guess it would be hard to give up your friends, so keep going out with them and be civil with him but don't be alone. Does his wife go out with you guys too?

[Anonymous]

I know a guy like you. He doesn't want to cheat. He doesn't want more than the texts, and pretends to be upset by them. But really he loves the attention and affirmation. He gets off on the fact that someone still wants to chase after him, even if he doesn't return her feelings. He claims to find her behavior off putting, but he refuses to cease contact.

[Anonymous]

Fantasy

[Anonymous]

I can see why you think that there are some issues here. This is dangerous territory for both of you. I am proud of you for encouraging him to work on his marriage and for ignoring his text. I would even go as far as recommending individual counseling for him and marriage counseling for them both, if his advances continue. It is a hard place to be when you all have close, mutual friends. Like some of the PP's have said, continuing to ignore is advances/communication and only be around him in a group setting is best. Do you think that will help or do you think at some point you'll have to be more aggressive in telling him to leave you alone?

[Anonymous]

Be firm + consistent.

Make it perfectly clear to him that he overstepped his boundaries w/you & that he needs to halt all communication w/you.

You do not want to be involved in any way, shape or form to any of his marital or life issues.
Let him know you will be blocking his phone no.# stat and if he continues contacting you then things will definitely get out of hand and not in a good way regarding him.

This should get this pathetic guy to leave you alone once + for all.

[Anonymous]

Block his number. If you really want to stop him dead in his tracks, tell him you will show his wife the text messages. Don't do it, of course, but this should stop him. And I agree: don't be alone with him ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Block his number. If you really want to stop him dead in his tracks, tell him you will show his wife the text messages. Don't do it, of course, but this should stop him. And I agree: don't be alone with him ever.[/quote

Yep. That you have any kind of exchange with him just encourages him. Make it too 'costly' for him to do so. But, I would follow through. His wife deserves better than him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see why you think that there are some issues here. This is dangerous territory for both of you. I am proud of you for encouraging him to work on his marriage and for ignoring his text. I would even go as far as recommending individual counseling for him and marriage counseling for them both, if his advances continue. It is a hard place to be when you all have close, mutual friends. Like some of the PP's have said, continuing to ignore is advances/communication and only be around him in a group setting is best. Do you think that will help or do you think at some point you'll have to be more aggressive in telling him to leave you alone?

Thank you. I've actually told him they should try marriage counseling but he laughed at me and said they had already been through that years ago and it made everything worse. I'm going to threaten to show his wife the text messages and hopefully it'll finally get through to him that I'm not interested...cause apparently he doesn't get the message when I say it directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep ignoring his texts. He should get the message. I guess it would be hard to give up your friends, so keep going out with them and be civil with him but don't be alone. Does his wife go out with you guys too?

She does about half the time but honestly, I wish she was with him all the time because he doesn't act or say inappropriate things towards me when she's there.