Drinking to avoid my husband

[Anonymous]

I don't enjoy spending time with him. We shouldn't have married ten years ago. We don't make a good team. I am realizing this and instead of acting on it I am drinking too much to avoid/escape. Eventually I will get it together and move ahead, I hope.

Have others done this? How long does it take? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Took me about 5 years to realize what I was doing and break the pattern.

[Anonymous]

Excessive drinking on your part may make him disappear, but probably not on your preferred timeline.

[Anonymous]

Your drinking because you never learned healthy coping skills. You are not drinking because you "don't enjoy your H".

You would have eventually come up against something else in your life that was not "working out" and you would have started drinking to avoid deal with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your drinking because you never learned healthy coping skills. You are not drinking because you "don't enjoy your H".

You would have eventually come up against something else in your life that was not "working out" and you would have started drinking to avoid deal with that.

Stop the drinking and get to therapy. A therapist can help you figure out how to cope effectively, as well as help your marriage because you are going to get stronger as a person.

I mean, that said, I like to drink to avoid DH, too.

[Anonymous]

OP here--I acknowledge that my coping skills are rudimentary. Working on it.

Nonetheless, my probably STBX husband is an adult-sized child. Seriously, cannot hold a job. Has two beautiful, wonderful kids that he barely engages with on a day to day basis.

I do everything. For real. What do you recommend?

[Anonymous]

I mostly watch TV to avoid mine. The question is whether the drinking is unhealthy. From your post, it sounds like it is. I'd find a new way to avoid him. Reading DCUM is a great avoidance tactic.

[Anonymous]

Did I write this when I was drinking last night?

Same boat, OP, on everything.

[Anonymous]

I have a co-worker in her late 50's who routinely takes a 2 hour lunch and drinks. She is happily married (no kids) to a man who probably is also an alcoholic. Too each their own...

[Anonymous]

I did the same - I was so agitated by my husband (for very deep issues) that I drank to take the edge off of being around him. I didn't even realize I was doing it, it wasn't "problem" drinking so I wasn't concerned but obv not healthy.

We went to marital counseling, fixed our marriage in ways I never thought possible, and now while I still drink socially and for fun, I feel no drive to drink the way I was. I didn't need to address the drinking, I needed to address the problem I was escaping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did the same - I was so agitated by my husband (for very deep issues) that I drank to take the edge off of being around him. I didn't even realize I was doing it, it wasn't "problem" drinking so I wasn't concerned but obv not healthy.

We went to marital counseling, fixed our marriage in ways I never thought possible, and now while I still drink socially and for fun, I feel no drive to drink the way I was. I didn't need to address the drinking, I needed to address the problem I was escaping.

That sounds really really good! Yay for you! I take the edge off a lot. I hate feeling as though I have to.

[Anonymous]

I am so worried my son will become like your DH. We tried, OP.

[Anonymous]

That or binge eating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a co-worker in her late 50's who routinely takes a 2 hour lunch and drinks. She is happily married (no kids) to a man who probably is also an alcoholic. Too each their own...

Can I join her at lunch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't enjoy spending time with him. We shouldn't have married ten years ago. We don't make a good team. I am realizing this and instead of acting on it I am drinking too much to avoid/escape. Eventually I will get it together and move ahead, I hope.

Have others done this? How long does it take? Thanks.

If one's always drunk, it's hard to make a good team...