Help DD navigate the bus stop

[Anonymous]

So, I have a kindergartener and she is riding the bus to school. Week One was fabulous. Today, I got 'I don't want to go to school.' But I really think it revolves around the bus stop. She is fine at school, loves her teacher, etc. There are about 12 kids at the stop and most of them live in the 3-4 houses next to each other. So they are all friends and hang out. My DD knows a couple of these kids and has played with them off and on. They are nice to her, but they are nicest when DD has something they want to play with. Once they get a better offer, they drop her like a hot potato. There is only one other kindergartener but she has two siblings also at the bus stop. This morning, I watched DD try to integrate with this group and they don't even look her direction, even the kids she knows! She talks and no one responds. I've tried to help her, by trying to get the kids to talk, but most of them look at me like I have three heads. Ugh! My DH is so much better at this than me, but he is already gone by this time of the morning. This part of parenting sucks, and I'm steeling myself for the I don't want to go to school routine all week.

Anyone have advice or something I can do to try and ease this transition (for her and for me!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I have a kindergartener and she is riding the bus to school. Week One was fabulous. Today, I got 'I don't want to go to school.' But I really think it revolves around the bus stop. She is fine at school, loves her teacher, etc. There are about 12 kids at the stop and most of them live in the 3-4 houses next to each other. So they are all friends and hang out. My DD knows a couple of these kids and has played with them off and on. They are nice to her, but they are nicest when DD has something they want to play with. Once they get a better offer, they drop her like a hot potato. There is only one other kindergartener but she has two siblings also at the bus stop. This morning, I watched DD try to integrate with this group and they don't even look her direction, even the kids she knows! She talks and no one responds. I've tried to help her, by trying to get the kids to talk, but most of them look at me like I have three heads. Ugh! My DH is so much better at this than me, but he is already gone by this time of the morning. This part of parenting sucks, and I'm steeling myself for the I don't want to go to school routine all week.

Anyone have advice or something I can do to try and ease this transition (for her and for me!)

Get to the bus stop later - so there is less hanging around time. It will improve as she gets to know kids on the bus better. Hang in there, I know the first month is a tough one!

[Anonymous]

She doesn't need to be best friends at the bus stop. The bus is just a form of transportation. I'd try to emphasize that's the way she gets to school and what matters is feeling comfortable in her own class with kids her own age. I don't like the cliques at the bus stop either. The bus stop kids don't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

Why is she hanging around so long? My kids got to the bus stop no more than 5 minutes before the bus showed up. Tell her to bring a book. She doesn't need to make friends at the freaking bus stop.

[Anonymous]

Tell her that they're acting like they're too cool to be friends, so she should act the same way back. Just say hi and not talk to them anymore bc they aren't being nice. She can stare into space or read a book or whatever. She should only talk to them if they initiate first and act nice, otherwise she has your permission to ignore them.

Would that work with your kid or is she the type who WANTS to talk and be friends with everyone?

[Anonymous]

Is your DD the only kindergarten student? Are you the only mom at the bus stop? If you drive to the stop, have her hang in the car until you can see the bus coming.

[Anonymous]

I had the same issue. Still do, though my DS is in 3rd this year. I took that time to talk and interact with DS rather than have him try to talk to the other kids. We talk and horse around and are just silly. I noticed that some of the other kids started coming around when I was playing with DS directly and wanted to join in, but trying to get my attention and get me to include them in my play. it was VERY hard for me not to be a jerk to them because they basically ignored my son even when he'd go up and try to play with the others. They'd just ignore him and he'd eventually just walk back to where I was standing. It was heartbreaking for me. Only when I was coming up with fun stuff for him and me did they suddenly want to play. Ugh.

Anyway, I might have not done the right thing because he is still very attached to me and maybe didn't learn to navigate rejection or integrating into a group of kids but at the time all I wanted to do was protect his feelings and help him have a good experience.

[Anonymous]

I can literally see the bus stop from my front door, so driving would be silly, except in rain or extreme cold.

[Anonymous]

Drive her to school. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can literally see the bus stop from my front door, so driving would be silly, except in rain or extreme cold.

OP, you really like none of the solutions given, and I'm inclined to believe you're part of the problem. One of those moms who thinks that everyone has to like and be friends with their special snowflake. News flash: not everyone will want to talk to your DD. Not everyone will want to be her friend or even be friendly with her. Not everyone will even acknowledge her presence. And that is fine. You can't make the other girls or kids talk to her and you stepping in just makes the kids not want to talk to her even more.

Either you make sure that she spends as little time as possible at the bus stop, or you drive her to school instead, or you explain the above to her and let her just hang out by herself without you meddling. But you really don't have a ton of other options here. So accept one and move on.

[Anonymous]

It took my son years to be comfortable at the busstop to actually play. But only a few weeks to like it. Just keep going. She will eventually get to know the other kids, but busstop have a unique chaos that takes some kids awhile to adjust to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can literally see the bus stop from my front door, so driving would be silly, except in rain or extreme cold.

If you are that close, just wait to send her out until the bus comes! Our bus is so consistent that we do not stand around at the bus stop. We walk up and within 60 seconds the bus arrives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can literally see the bus stop from my front door, so driving would be silly, except in rain or extreme cold.

If you are that close, just wait to send her out until the bus comes! Our bus is so consistent that we do not stand around at the bus stop. We walk up and within 60 seconds the bus arrives.

[Anonymous]

See if your DD wants a play date with the other kindergartener. If she does,mthen contact her mom to set it up.

[Anonymous]

It is normal at this age for children to say they don't want to do something even though they are fine and enjoy themselves while at the activity and in class. It is difficult for children to switch activities and also to contemplate the whole day ahead of them. I would try very hard not to let your perception or insecurity of what you observed at the bus stop color your assumptions about this behavior which would be normal and expected under any social circumstances. If she hasn't specifically brought up the bus stop, I think you need to just keep trying to help her navigate those situations socially and strengthen her friendships elsewhere with other kids who may have more shared interests.