Sister is angry with me. Was I wrong?

[Anonymous]

Sister and I had a disagreement, which ended in her having a cooling off period from me.
She later wrote me a letter that outline her feelings and her opinions on her relationship.
I read the letter, and also shared it with my husband and my best friend for perspective. My sister is now mad at me for doing that.
I only shared with them because they know me well and I trust them to give me honest feedback about some of the behaviors she accused me of.
I also feel that at 23 she should have been able to discuss her feelings with me face to face, but I guess she wanted to gather her thoughts.
Give it to me straight DCUM: Was I wrong and do I owe her an apology for sharing the letter?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you do.

[Anonymous]

No! Why would you owe her an apology. She directed that letter to you. It is yours to do whatever you wish is right. She feels a certain way about yo. It is your right to process those thoughts however you see fit, even if it includes consulting your husband or friends.

[Anonymous]

Yes you were wrong.
Yes, of course you should apologize.
My guess is you have a long history of minimizing her or ignoring her feelings, so the letter was cathartic for her as well as a way to actually say what she has to say. Because she doesn't discuss the way you would does not make her immature or whatever.

Are you the poster of all the "my sister hates me" threads? If so, you need to do more than apologize. You need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you were wrong.
Yes, of course you should apologize.
My guess is you have a long history of minimizing her or ignoring her feelings, so the letter was cathartic for her as well as a way to actually say what she has to say. Because she doesn't discuss the way you would does not make her immature or whatever.

Are you the poster of all the "my sister hates me" threads? If so, you need to do more than apologize. You need therapy.

why?

[Anonymous]

How did she find out that you shared it with anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you were wrong.
Yes, of course you should apologize.
My guess is you have a long history of minimizing her or ignoring her feelings, so the letter was cathartic for her as well as a way to actually say what she has to say. Because she doesn't discuss the way you would does not make her immature or whatever.

Are you the poster of all the "my sister hates me" threads? If so, you need to do more than apologize. You need therapy.

+1

I don't know if it's a real person, but if so, I'm thinking OP's sister need a restraining order. The degree to which OP is obsessed with her sister is batshit nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did she find out that you shared it with anyone?

I told her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you were wrong.
Yes, of course you should apologize.
My guess is you have a long history of minimizing her or ignoring her feelings, so the letter was cathartic for her as well as a way to actually say what she has to say. Because she doesn't discuss the way you would does not make her immature or whatever.

Are you the poster of all the "my sister hates me" threads? If so, you need to do more than apologize. You need therapy.

No that's not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you were wrong.
Yes, of course you should apologize.
My guess is you have a long history of minimizing her or ignoring her feelings, so the letter was cathartic for her as well as a way to actually say what she has to say. Because she doesn't discuss the way you would does not make her immature or whatever.

Are you the poster of all the "my sister hates me" threads? If so, you need to do more than apologize. You need therapy.

+1

I don't know if it's a real person, but if so, I'm thinking OP's sister need a restraining order. The degree to which OP is obsessed with her sister is batshit nuts.

That's not me.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't have told her you showed her email to others. You had to have known that would piss her off. Now go apologize for having done it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you were wrong.
Yes, of course you should apologize.
My guess is you have a long history of minimizing her or ignoring her feelings, so the letter was cathartic for her as well as a way to actually say what she has to say. Because she doesn't discuss the way you would does not make her immature or whatever.

Are you the poster of all the "my sister hates me" threads? If so, you need to do more than apologize. You need therapy.

why?

Because your are obsessive about being the "good"/ savior sister, to the detriment of your relationship with her and others. You are irritated by the fact that share is younger and more independent than allowing herself to be under your control. You reassure yourself of your superiority by telling anyone who will listen that she is younger, disrespectful, her life is a mess, instead of just letting her go be the adult that she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you were wrong.
Yes, of course you should apologize.
My guess is you have a long history of minimizing her or ignoring her feelings, so the letter was cathartic for her as well as a way to actually say what she has to say. Because she doesn't discuss the way you would does not make her immature or whatever.

Are you the poster of all the "my sister hates me" threads? If so, you need to do more than apologize. You need therapy.

Basically she tole me in so many words that she feels just what you said. Also that I hold onto things and don't tell her right away when I'm bothered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you were wrong.
Yes, of course you should apologize.
My guess is you have a long history of minimizing her or ignoring her feelings, so the letter was cathartic for her as well as a way to actually say what she has to say. Because she doesn't discuss the way you would does not make her immature or whatever.

Are you the poster of all the "my sister hates me" threads? If so, you need to do more than apologize. You need therapy.

why?

Because your are obsessive about being the "good"/ savior sister, to the detriment of your relationship with her and others. You are irritated by the fact that share is younger and more independent than allowing herself to be under your control. You reassure yourself of your superiority by telling anyone who will listen that she is younger, disrespectful, her life is a mess, instead of just letting her go be the adult that she is.

I'm not that poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did she find out that you shared it with anyone?

I'd really like to know the answer to this question too, because I suspect it would give a lot more insight into the situation and into what your best course of action is.