Sister is angry with me. Was I wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did she find out that you shared it with anyone?

I'd really like to know the answer to this question too, because I suspect it would give a lot more insight into the situation and into what your best course of action is.

As I said upthread I told her. I emailed he like she requested me to and told her I got her letter, and my feelings , and that my husband and friend agreed with her about some of my behavior. She then got upset that I had showed them the letter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did she find out that you shared it with anyone?

I'd really like to know the answer to this question too, because I suspect it would give a lot more insight into the situation and into what your best course of action is.

As I said upthread I told her. I emailed he like she requested me to and told her I got her letter, and my feelings , and that my husband and friend agreed with her about some of my behavior. She then got upset that I had showed them the letter.

This just feels weird to me. Why did you even need to reference that your husband and friend agreed with her? It kind of comes across like you're keeping score on who's right and wrong, even though in this case it cuts against you. I think what she was really looking for was for you to acknowledge/validate her feelings and her experience of you, and show some self-awareness about the issues she raised. She probably doesn't especially care what your husband and friend think (except to the extent she might suspect you showed it to them to try to make her look bad), she cares what you think. Did you own what you did? Did you acknowledge the validity of how she experienced you?

[Anonymous]

Did your parents set up some antagonistic relationship between you 2? I told my girls to side with each other (they are young)--I want to avoid this jealousy if at all possible, good sis/bad sis etc

[Anonymous]

It seems like the OP is leaving out something significant in this story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like the OP is leaving out something significant in this story.

Yeah, I'm kind of thinking that the sister's version of this story would be very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sister and I had a disagreement, which ended in her having a cooling off period from me.
She later wrote me a letter that outline her feelings and her opinions on her relationship.
I read the letter, and also shared it with my husband and my best friend for perspective. My sister is now mad at me for doing that.
I only shared with them because they know me well and I trust them to give me honest feedback about some of the behaviors she accused me of.
I also feel that at 23 she should have been able to discuss her feelings with me face to face, but I guess she wanted to gather her thoughts.
Give it to me straight DCUM: Was I wrong and do I owe her an apology for sharing the letter?

Not for sharing it with your husband. Husband trumps sister, and I would absolutely share with my DH to get his thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Feelings are overrated. Behavior is what's important. Are you as courteous and kind to her as you would be to a neighbor? Do you treat sister like you would a friend - - such as - do not give advice unless it's asked for? Flip-side of this is: her "feelings" don't change how you ought to behave. My guess is she's using "feelings" to manipulate and amplified by putting it on paper in black and white.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why she had an expectation that you wouldn't show it anyone else, especially your DH. If she didn't want anyone else to see it, she shouldn't have sent it.

[Anonymous]

Instead of validating her feelings (which it sounds like you're guilty of what she's accusing you of) and saying "you know sis, I though about it and you're right. I do do those things and I'm sorry. I will work on it" you said "yes my husband and friend agree with you". I have a feeling thatd what she's mad about. Youre still not acknowledging that YOU accept her evaluation of the situation.