Cheating wife

[Anonymous]

Not to get into a lot of details here, but a friend of mine has cheated on her husband for over a year and they are headed to a divorce. Should she be the one to move out of the house?
In this case, the husband is still willing to work on the marriage, but the wife refuses to and is insistent on the divorce. He doesn't want her to leave, or for him to leave.
She is still seeing her lover when her husband is at work, it seems like she wants to pursue this relationship instead of save her family.
The husband is also way more involved in their kid's lives and I think this would suffer is he is forced out.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I think she is still in the affair fog and delusional about where she's headed and how it will end. He should give her the ultimatum to stay or go. If she stays, cut contact and if she leaves, it's divorce time.

If she's not remorseful and not ready to work in the marriage this is already a bad sign and the marriage may not be worth saving. He should pull the 180 and kick her out IMO.

Just out of curiosity why do you ask for a friend? It sounds as if you are the friend.

[Anonymous]

Why are you posting about someone else's business on this forum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you posting about someone else's business on this forum?

It's totally her.

[Anonymous]

Your friend is being a fool for trying. She should leave but where would the kids stay?

[Anonymous]

If people cannot agree about who gets to stay in the house, the way that it usually works is that they put the house up for sale and split the selling price. Everyone moves somewhere else. If they can agree, the person who stays often buys the person who leaves out of the house.

Personally, I feel that if she wants to leave the marriage, she should leave the marriage, but I can understand why she doesn't want to do that. It's a pretty sweet set up, getting everything you want and none of the inconvenience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If people cannot agree about who gets to stay in the house, the way that it usually works is that they put the house up for sale and split the selling price. Everyone moves somewhere else. If they can agree, the person who stays often buys the person who leaves out of the house.

This. It always amazes me how there's this belief that somehow the person who cheated or just wanted the divorce (for any reason) is supposed to be punished or threatened with a huge financial loss - mostly I suspect as a way of keeping them from leaving an unwilling dumpee. Sure, the courts will make sure nobody gets left destitute and that children are properly supported (which may include getting the house), but that's done for the children - not as a consolation prize for the person being left.

The way it works is: the marriage is over, the joint assets get divvied up and you go on your way. It is extraordinarily rare anymore for anyone to be awarded a consolation prize of all the joint assets. That's a Victorian fantasy.

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I feel that if she wants to leave the marriage, she should leave the marriage, but I can understand why she doesn't want to do that. It's a pretty sweet set up, getting everything you want and none of the inconvenience.

Re-read the original posting..she does want to leave the marriage.

The woman having the affair should insist on a divorce and get a PSA drawn up with a lawyer. She can force things along by filing while she is still living with him. If she's got a lick of sense, she will stop seeing the AP lest her hubby decide to hire a PI and photograph them in Flagrante Delicto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If people cannot agree about who gets to stay in the house, the way that it usually works is that they put the house up for sale and split the selling price. Everyone moves somewhere else. If they can agree, the person who stays often buys the person who leaves out of the house.

This. It always amazes me how there's this belief that somehow the person who cheated or just wanted the divorce (for any reason) is supposed to be punished or threatened with a huge financial loss - mostly I suspect as a way of keeping them from leaving an unwilling dumpee. Sure, the courts will make sure nobody gets left destitute and that children are properly supported (which may include getting the house), but that's done for the children - not as a consolation prize for the person being left.

The way it works is: the marriage is over, the joint assets get divvied up and you go on your way. It is extraordinarily rare anymore for anyone to be awarded a consolation prize of all the joint assets. That's a Victorian fantasy.

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I feel that if she wants to leave the marriage, she should leave the marriage, but I can understand why she doesn't want to do that. It's a pretty sweet set up, getting everything you want and none of the inconvenience.

Re-read the original posting..she does want to leave the marriage.

The woman having the affair should insist on a divorce and get a PSA drawn up with a lawyer. She can force things along by filing while she is still living with him. If she's got a lick of sense, she will stop seeing the AP lest her hubby decide to hire a PI and photograph them in Flagrante Delicto.

PP here. I meant if she wants to leave the marriage, she should leave the marital home.

[Anonymous]

Sell it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to get into a lot of details here, but a friend of mine has cheated on her husband for over a year and they are headed to a divorce. Should she be the one to move out of the house?
In this case, the husband is still willing to work on the marriage, but the wife refuses to and is insistent on the divorce. He doesn't want her to leave, or for him to leave.
She is still seeing her lover when her husband is at work, it seems like she wants to pursue this relationship instead of save her family.
The husband is also way more involved in their kid's lives and I think this would suffer is he is forced out.

Thoughts?

You should stop being friends with this person except to advise her to leave the house entirely. She isn't fit to be a mother or wife. Tell her to leave the house and join her AP immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to get into a lot of details here, but a friend of mine has cheated on her husband for over a year and they are headed to a divorce. Should she be the one to move out of the house?
In this case, the husband is still willing to work on the marriage, but the wife refuses to and is insistent on the divorce. He doesn't want her to leave, or for him to leave.
She is still seeing her lover when her husband is at work, it seems like she wants to pursue this relationship instead of save her family.
The husband is also way more involved in their kid's lives and I think this would suffer is he is forced out.

Thoughts?

It should be about what's best for the kids, not about who cheated (is cheating) on whom.

[Anonymous]

Another scumbag wife.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not to get into a lot of details here, but a friend of mine has cheated on her husband for over a year and they are headed to a divorce. Should she be the one to move out of the house?
In this case, the husband is still willing to work on the marriage, but the wife refuses to and is insistent on the divorce. He doesn't want her to leave, or for him to leave.
She is still seeing her lover when her husband is at work, it seems like she wants to pursue this relationship instead of save her family.
The husband is also way more involved in their kid's lives and I think this would suffer is he is forced out.

Thoughts?[/quote]

You should stop being friends with this person except to advise her to leave the house entirely. [b]She isn't fit to be a mother or wife.[/b] Tell her to leave the house and join her AP immediately.[/quote]


So true. Let your "friend" know that she is a miserable mother and wife and tell her she will lose the respect of her family, friends and most importantly her children. She deserves a life of shame and humiliation

[Anonymous]

In MD the wife will be required to move out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If people cannot agree about who gets to stay in the house, the way that it usually works is that they put the house up for sale and split the selling price. Everyone moves somewhere else. If they can agree, the person who stays often buys the person who leaves out of the house.

Personally, I feel that if she wants to leave the marriage, she should leave the marriage, but I can understand why she doesn't want to do that. It's a pretty sweet set up, getting everything you want and none of the inconvenience.

+1.

Regardless of who stays, typically the other person has to pay/negotiate assets for the money to buy the other person out. You aren't magically owed more or less based on how much of a douche your partner may or may not be. If only the world worked that way.