Not any of the PPs to which you are replying, but it's funny to me that you don't see that you're the one tying yourself into knots. No one is defending mom cliques. People are saying that it's ok for a group of people to get together once without inviting every single person they've ever met. This is not a group of 15 that are in OP's circle that she is being excluded from. She doesn't even know most of the people who were there. Who in their right mind would be upset about not being invited to something like that? |
Or maybe, just maybe, those people who did know OP (and by the way, weren't even her close friends, but knew her), understand that when you are invited to something, you don't then get to invite additional people. Honestly, who acts like that? Do you extend invitations to whoever you like when you have been invited to something? If I'm invited to an event and I don't turn around and invite my three best friends, that's not an accident. I am purposefully not inviting people to something I am not in charge of. I am totally lost as to how you people don't understand this. |
It's never useful to tell someone they "shouldn't" feel some way. You can tell OP that those women almost certainly didn't exclude her intentionally, and tell her the expectation of inclusion isn't really reasonable since of course not everyone can be invited to everything. And I'd agree. But if OP feels left out, that's just how she feels. It doesn't matter if you think it's ridiculous or not. If that's how she feels, it likely reflects the broader context of how she fits into this school community and her neighborhood, and as others have noted, might be a result of her not having many friends. She also just might kind of long for a group of women to go out with in that way, and be sad to learn that some of her friends have a group like that... but she's not part of it. I think it's strange how many posters (or a few posters, posting repeatedly) felt like OP had done something wrong by just feeling awkward or sad about this situation. She shouldn't have sent the bitter text message, but there's nothing wrong with just feeling hurt. It is what it is. Maybe it's a wake up call to OP to put herself out their more or cultivate her friendships more, so that seeing other women having fun together doesn't trigger her in this way. |
You felt excluded. I get it. That's a crap feeling.
But that I don't see how that makes them a "clique". It's ok to have different friends than the moms at school. |
Not reading all 39 pages. But OP is crazy. How did Monday go? |
Yeah, I don't understand this either. Did OP come back and say she somehow found out all these 15 women were getting together every Friday? The text was strange. |
I find posts like this amusing. You are criticizing PPs for saying OP shouldn't have felt hurt, but then you say that OP unreasonably assumed that she had been excluded and that she presumably felt hurt only because something is wrong in her life, i.e., she doesn't have many friends. That really is not meaningfully different than telling OP that she shouldn't have felt hurt. |
It's not a few posters, seems like the majority don't agree with you no matter how many ways you feel the need to try to make your point over and over again that they are all wrong and you're the only correct one. Just let it go. |
Nope. No knots. There are some reasonable posts on here but even Jeff noted how people attacked the OP, esp. early on in the thread. I'm not arguing about OP's specific situation but rather the reactions to her post. Just fascinated in a sad way at how DCUM posters always always assume the worst about the OP and just make stuff up to justify tearing an OP down. It happens all the time on here. This thread was no different. Stop pretending it isn't. |
DP. and it is sad that the majority are so cold hearted. The DCUM mantra = suck it up, buttercup. |
Thank you for trying. At this point everyone’s so ground in they aren’t able to receive one another’s message. What you’re saying makes complete sense to me for what it’s worth |
New poster here. To be fair I don’t think anyone is right. It’s just a conversation, a circular one at that’. so maybe everyone can let it go? |
For all the women who wonder if you are in a clique or if you just happen to have a group of friends who get together, often casually and spontaneously, because you are all on the same PTA committee, your kids are on the same sports team or activity, you live in the same neighborhood and chat at the bus stop or on the walk to school.
If you are at a winery celebrating Larla’s birthday / a successful PTA auction / the end of basketball season or planning Teacher Appreciation week / organizing camp car pools and a woman whose children goes to the same school as most of the people in the group walks in to meet with the manager or buy a gift card . . . You are a clique if you all look away or whisper to each other and generally look like you really hope she doesn’t wave or stop by to say hello. You aren’t a clique if you wave to her and when she comes over you say “Hello! We’re all (insert reason for the gathering). Do you have time to join us?” Sharing the reason is key. If OP knew why they were gathered, she would know if it was a group that purposely excluded her or if it happens that they all have a connection that doesn’t include OP. I try to get groups of moms together in my backyard for wine on a regular basis. When I send out the invite I clearly state how I defined the group so it’s not a mystery. “4th Grade Moms” “Cub Scout Moms” “Longfellow Street Moms”. It’s not a clique because if I invite the people I know well enough to text, but if a 4th grade mom says “can I bring my neighbor Suzy who is also a 4th grade mom?” I say “Of Course!” and then I make introductions when she comes and add her to the list for next time. |
Well duh. At this point its just people tone policing others. |
No, I didn't say she only felt hurt because there was something wrong in her life. I'm saying that if she felt excluded, that feeling is real and based in something, and not just some unreasonable feeling she should stop feeling. My suggestion is that since what she describes doesn't really seem like intentional excluding to most of us, OP should maybe think about why it felt that way to her. I don't actually know why, and it's even possible that those women were being exclusive and clique-y and OP just didn't describe the behavior that made it feel that way. The point is that if OP says she felt excluded, she felt excluded, and no amount of "you shouldn't feel that way" is going to make her feel different. |