Would you continue a friendship with someone who became sober?

[Anonymous]

I'm several weeks into sobriety and am very committed to my recovery.

Many of my friends are drinkers. I would still like to continue these friendships but worry they won't want to spend time with me now that I'm not drinking.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have a problem with it, unless you expect everyone else to not drink when you go out together.

[Anonymous]

I don't drink much and for a long time I was on medication where I couldn't drink any alcohol--as long as you're not judging them or making comments about their drinking I don't know why they wouldn't want to hang out with you. As long as you appear to still have fun sober, it shouldn't be a problem!

[Anonymous]

Op I'd say it's on you to suggest activities that don't revolve around drinking. It's pretty easy to hang out with friends at the museum on Sunday afternoon without a few drinks. I think you have to own it. And ps congratulations!

[Anonymous]

I would never alienate somebody because they don't drink. Not intentionally, and hopefully not at all. If I like you, I like YOU. So, drinking or not, you are my friend.

[Anonymous]

Some of your relationships will not survive, especially with other alcoholics. This is normal. Most others will be fine and will probably strengthen as you move into more authentic relationships. Your sponsor should be able to help you navigate some of this.

[Anonymous]

Op, the fact that you have to ask this question is an indication of one of two things 1.) you struggle with establish friendships or maybe you are very young or 2.) you don't have good friends.

I have friends that drink ( sometimes excessively) and some that don't drink. Ive had parties at my home where I make drinks for both my friends that drink and non-alcoholic drinks for the ones that don't. I don't think it's a big deal.

[Anonymous]

The only times I've seen relationships fail when someone gets sober is a) when the sober person can't stay friends with people that have their own addiction issues they aren't addressing so sober person cuts ties or b) when the sober person starts pathologizing the normal drinking behavior of those around them so the friends cut ties.

When one of my uncles got sober, he became very anti any alcohol and really laid into anyone that wouldn't admit alcohol is the devil and a terrible sin. He'd spent years putting his family and all of us through hell with his drinking and awful behavior so to then have him then sit in judgement about how awful we are for having a beer at a cookout was just too much to stomach. He couldn't see that some of us could have a beer and it was just a beer, it didn't turn into 18 beers and beating the hell out of your family.

[Anonymous]

I would. I don't have to drink when I'm around you.

[Anonymous]

Of course. Anyone who would drop a "friendship" over that was never a friend to begin with.

[Anonymous]

I have several friends who don't drink at all, and a number of friends who stop drinking for a time for various reasons, like paleo challenges, diets, general health, etc. My circle is very much a drinking circle, but we are adults about it - people drink as much or as little as they want, or not. But they have to be comfortable in bars and restaurants with people who continue to drink.

I won't agree to not drink around a sober person, though - it's not fair to expect people to change their own behaviors just because you have. But I'm happy to find stuff to do with you that doesn't involve drinking, like a hike or movies or whatever.

[Anonymous]

I'd want to do things with you that aren't going to a bar. So let's do that! Museums, hiking, coffee, I like all that too.

Congrats on your sobriety!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course. Anyone who would drop a "friendship" over that was never a friend to begin with.

or more likely is an alcoholic not yet in recovery.

[Anonymous]

I come from this from many angles.

1. Maybe not. It depends what awful things you did before your sobriety and how many times you have tried to be sober. I may wait until you can show that you have been sober for at least 6 months, maybe a year. If it is your 8th time through rehab, longer, maybe never.

2. Probably if I did not know you when you were drinkings (my BFF is 25 years sober). Sometimes though, she expects me to order wine when I don't want it because she is afraid I am not drinking because she is not.

3. Why do you want these friends. I find sobriety is really hard if you don't change your life style. If you just go back to hanging out with your friends that go to wine festivals every Saturday, it is really going to be hard.

4. Remember ... people may be afraid to invite you to drinking events... dinner party, football games, etc. They don't want to tempt you. They may not be trying to leave you out but they are trying to be sensitive and in turn are insensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm several weeks into sobriety and am very committed to my recovery.

Many of my friends are drinkers. I would still like to continue these friendships but worry they won't want to spend time with me now that I'm not drinking.

In my opinion, that is shallow if that is how they are going to be. They should be supportive if your recovery process.