Would you continue a friendship with someone who became sober?

[Anonymous]

I have friends who have always been sober. I also have friends who are in recovery. I think it depends on the person and the friendship. If your friendships previously centered around bars or booze cruises or vineyard tours, it might be hard to continue the friendships. It's hard being the only sober one because drunk people are generally obnoxious to be around unless you're also drunk, and for people whose socialization revolves around alcohol, it seems like it's sometimes hard to connect with sober friends. There are also people who definitely interpret one person's commitment to sobriety as a criticism of their lack of sobriety and act like assholes as a result.

It's also harder if your sobriety translates into a total inability to be around alcohol. If you are not able to go to a restaurant and sit next to someone who is having a glass of wine, some friends will not invite you to dinner. I don't think that's kind, but I have seen it happen.

[Anonymous]

I think YOU are the one who may rethink these friendships.

Sober person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think YOU are the one who may rethink these friendships.

Sober person.

+ 1

If the relationships were built on drinking or drinking activities it's going to be tough for you OP.

[Anonymous]

I've been sober for more than a decade.
I understand your fears. Lots of people will be happy to hang out with you sober.
If your friends are young, as they get older and have kids, they stop drinking as much anyway.
I do think relationships can change, though. My marriage changed. My DH told me recently that although he supported my sobriety, I was "more fun" when I was drinking in some ways. I knew what he meant but it was kind of depressing.
I did go through a depression after I stopped drinking that went untreated for far too long. I think that influenced my relationships more than the sobriety so watch out for that.

[Anonymous]

Well, I've always been sober, so yes. I think your best bet is to accept that you're going to lose some friends, and reach out to new people who can get to know the new, sober you. Also, come up with a few fun activities you can do with your old friends that don't involve drinking. Like rather than wine-tasting, playing tennis. Rather than a sports bar, a book-reading.

Also, as a tip, come up with a couple of non-alcoholic drinks you can order in bars. I go to comedy clubs a lot, and they expect people will drink. But I don't, and have a go-to virgin drink to always get.

[Anonymous]

Of course! I have friends in recovery, and it's no big deal. I'm happy for them for taking control of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Yes! It shows true grit and willingness to overcome.

[Anonymous]

Of course! I have friends in recovery, and it's no big deal. I'm happy for them for taking control of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm several weeks into sobriety and am very committed to my recovery.

Many of my friends are drinkers. I would still like to continue these friendships but worry they won't want to spend time with me now that I'm not drinking.

I guess the question is why would you want to hang out with anyone who wouldn't want to hang out with you when you're sober?

I watched my MIL try to get sober repeatedly. My now exDH lost his marriage and children because he couldn't control his behavior when drunk and he wouldn't stop drinking. Both of them were surrounded by people who encouraged or excused their drinking.

It's tough to lose friends and family members to drinking, but we are each responsible for deciding what kind of environment we want to live in and arranging our life accordingly. I decided I didn't want to spend time with people who think that a martini is more important than me. I also didn't want to spend time with people who couldn't have fun without a drink.

Now that my kids are older, I can see what an important positive impact it has had on them to live in a family where drinking is not a central part of socializing.