Opinions wanted about privacy of parent-child communications

[Anonymous]

My ex-spouse has requested that when he is on the phone with our 8 year old that I not be in "hearing distance and/or in the room during the conversation" (his words). My child often talks to his dad on the phone when we are in the car, and I live in a 2-bedroom condo, so there are not a lot of spaces in my house where I wouldn't be able to hear a phone conversation unless I purposefully hide in my bathroom every time he's on the phone with his dad. My child has never requested privacy during phone conversations. He is allowed to talk to his dad whenever he wants (in fact, his dad has repeatedly told me that I let my child call him too much).

I am wondering if it is a reasonable request from my ex to request privacy on this level or if I have a reasonable reason to state that this is logistically difficult as well as cumbersome to enact this request 100% of the time and that if he wants privacy in his conversations, he should have those conversations when he is with my child in person. I assume that the conversations I have on the phone with my child are heard by my ex and don't have a problem with that.

I would appreciate hearing multiple perspectives on this to get a better sense of the appropriate response for this situation.

Thanks for any opinions you can share!

[Anonymous]

I would say no. 8 is too young for that. It will be weird for your child if you hide in the hallway.

What does your ex want to discuss privately?

[Anonymous]

Just say "I'm happy to make sure we're in separate rooms while the two of you are talking." Then tell your son "Go in your room while you're on the phone with Daddy."

Teach your son that it is rude to speak on the phone in the living room while someone else is watching tv, and teach him that the polite thing to do is to say "I'm in the car with Mommy going to swim practice" when he first calls a friend or relative so they know who might overhear part of a conversation.

It's reasonable to step away from others while on a call, so telling your Ex you'll make sure you're in separate rooms is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

I think it's reasonable, and probably something I'd want if I was in that situation.

-- solo parent who has no actual experience co-parenting a child old enough to talk on the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say "I'm happy to make sure we're in separate rooms while the two of you are talking." Then tell your son "Go in your room while you're on the phone with Daddy."

Teach your son that it is rude to speak on the phone in the living room while someone else is watching tv, and teach him that the polite thing to do is to say "I'm in the car with Mommy going to swim practice" when he first calls a friend or relative so they know who might overhear part of a conversation.

It's reasonable to step away from others while on a call, so telling your Ex you'll make sure you're in separate rooms is reasonable.

+1

[Anonymous]

Absent a specific reason, I think if he gets private time in person then he doesn't need to have it on the phone. you can go in another room, but in a small condo you will still be able to hear it, so that's not a real solution


what do you think he wants to talk about?

[Anonymous]

OP - does his request generally weird you out or is this par for the course with your ex?

Personally - I'd be very bothered by the request.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - does his request generally weird you out or is this par for the course with your ex?

Personally - I'd be very bothered by the request.

He tends to get angry with me and send me emails criticizing me as a parent and as a person.

He sent several of those emails to me in the past few days because my son is with me for a few extra days this week since my ex was supposed to go on a business trip, yet when my son called him the other night to ask where he was going, he told my son the business trip had been cancelled and he wasn't actually going anywhere. I was present for that phone conversation and my ex believed that I put my son up to it because I *knew* that he wasn't going out of town (not true).

This request about phone call privacy from him came after I sent an email (in response to one of his emails criticizing me) letting him know that I would only read/respond to emails from him that were directly about things related to our child.

The request did bother me, but I wasn't sure if I was overreacting about it due to the angry emails he's been sending me. That's why I was looking for other perspectives/opinions before responding.

[Anonymous]

I would say no. What if the child later mentions something that was discussed on the call and your ex flips out and accuses you of listening in? it puts the burden on your child to keep the conversation a secret and that's inappropriate and unfair.

[Anonymous]

So basically he wants the privacy to facilitate his deceiving his child. Say no.

[Anonymous]

Definitely say no. the child is old enough to catch in more and more to his dad's sucky parenting, so there will be no end to this kind of thing. Even if you told him you weren't listening, he wouldn't believe you. it would just be one more thing to fight over, plus expose your child to more unsupervised contact with a crazy parent.

[Anonymous]

How often does he spend time with your child? Why can't he just speak privately to the kid then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often does he spend time with your child? Why can't he just speak privately to the kid then?

We have 50/50 custody. We each have him 2 days during the week and then alternate weekends.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a narcissist NPD. Good job setting limits (will not read/respond unless it is about the kid).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often does he spend time with your child? Why can't he just speak privately to the kid then?

We have 50/50 custody. We each have him 2 days during the week and then alternate weekends.

So that's plenty of time to talk with the child privately. He sounds like a nut.