Opinions wanted about privacy of parent-child communications

[Anonymous]

Nope. My 7 yo doesn't get private time to talk on the phone bc my ex often asks where the kid wants to live and whether he wants to move. They get plenty of time to chat during ex's parenting time, at my house I get to monitor as I please.

If my child was asking for private time, or choosing to go into a different room, that would be a different matter altogether.

[Anonymous]

I don't think he can ask you to quarantine yourself in the bathroom of your own house whenever your child or he wants to talk. What if you're cooking dinner or something? It just isn't realistic, and you probably still would hear it anyway.

[Anonymous]

Just want to offer a different perspective...

I'm a stepparent, and my stepchild responds differently on the phone at the other house when that parent (not my spouse) is present vs when that parent is not present. My stepchild is much more conversational when they have privacy, and it is a much better conversation. When they were younger (5-8 yo), this "increased chattiness" was the difference between one-word answers and maybe getting a full sentence out of them, or a 2 minute phone call and a 5 minute phone call. It can feel like a big difference when you are really trying to feel connected to their daily life.

Children can feel torn between their parents, especially if they sense conflict between them. While my stepchild doesn't ask for privacy for calls from the other parent when they are at our house (although sometimes they will leave the room when their other parent calls) we encourage them to take the call privately, or we try to leave the area and give them privacy when the other parent calls. The other parent hasn't asked for this, btw, it is just something we have chosen to do based on our observations.

Not saying that this is the case in your situation, but there may be a good reason your child's other parent is asking for privacy. Just something to think about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just want to offer a different perspective...

I'm a stepparent, and my stepchild responds differently on the phone at the other house when that parent (not my spouse) is present vs when that parent is not present. My stepchild is much more conversational when they have privacy, and it is a much better conversation. When they were younger (5-8 yo), this "increased chattiness" was the difference between one-word answers and maybe getting a full sentence out of them, or a 2 minute phone call and a 5 minute phone call. It can feel like a big difference when you are really trying to feel connected to their daily life.

Children can feel torn between their parents, especially if they sense conflict between them. While my stepchild doesn't ask for privacy for calls from the other parent when they are at our house (although sometimes they will leave the room when their other parent calls) we encourage them to take the call privately, or we try to leave the area and give them privacy when the other parent calls. The other parent hasn't asked for this, btw, it is just something we have chosen to do based on our observations.

Not saying that this is the case in your situation, but there may be a good reason your child's other parent is asking for privacy. Just something to think about.

OP here. Thanks for this perspective and all the opinions provided so far!

[Anonymous]

I would agree to leave the room or ask the kid to go to his room, but I wouldn't take extraordinary measures to avoid possibly hearing anything.

[Anonymous]

It's silly and unreasonable. Ex-H is not allowed to micromanage YOUR household.

[Anonymous]

My ex demanded the same thing. I think he tells her one thing and then tells me something different. I'm not supposed to ask what he told her so I usually find out after things go wrong and she says "But Daddy said..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a narcissist NPD. Good job setting limits (will not read/respond unless it is about the kid).

+1 I divorced one and pulls the same crap. Setting limits and completely ignore irrational requests such as this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often does he spend time with your child? Why can't he just speak privately to the kid then?

We have 50/50 custody. We each have him 2 days during the week and then alternate weekends.

I have a similar schedule. I personally remove myself from my son's conversations with his dad. I go to the other room, or do something. I never put him on speaker. My son is 5. I don't think it's terrible to request privacy. i always assume if I'm speaking to my son, his dad is listening in, and therefore my conversations hold only one value, I get to hear my kid's voice. I don't expect much else from the conversation and definitely not privacy. Anyway, TL,DR, it's not that odd of a request unless you think your ex is a weird person trying to do something with that request.