Not dropping off for a 7 year old's birthday party

[Anonymous]

Advice please ...

My rising second grader is turning seven shortly. She's having five friends over for dinner and a movie. The girls will be here for around 3.5 hours, which feels long to me for a birthday party but since most of the "activity" is watching a movie, it will be fine. I'll be in and out of the TV room checking on them, but not planning to stay in there the entire time. My daughter is the youngest of the girls, with everyone else being 7.5 or a bit older. None of the guests have any food allergies. We don't have any pets or weapons.

One of the guest's parents RSVPd for three people - the seven year old, a toddler sibling, and the parent. I wasn't planning on doing "extra" entertaining. Is it okay for me to email something along the lines of "Enjoy your night off and just drop Jane off here. Pick up is at 8 PM." Or do you have other ideas?

Bad on me for not specifying that it's a drop-off party on the invitation, but it never occurred to me this mom would try to stay. My daughter wanted a small, chill event and having a three year old watching the movie with the girls isn't quite her idea of the plan. I'm sure she'll be gracious but disappointed. Also, this guest has been here twice before without her mom and I know the mom casually; she's neither a stranger (at which point I'd understand her wanting to hang around) or a good friend.

What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I'd write just what you said. Maybe this is the kid's first post-preschool birthday party invite, and Mom's just in the habit of staying. I know my sons' birthday party invites dropped way off after preschool, so I hadn't known when exactly the drop-off parties started.

[Anonymous]

Do not force your daughter to entertain her friend's three year old sister. Ye gods. Just tell the woman that this is a drop off party for big girls only, and apologize for the confusion.

[Anonymous]

Ack that woman is strange.
Pls just email her and set her straight! (who invites their toddler along of a bigger girls movie night???? People are so clueless).

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't write "enjoy your night off ... etc"

as its not addressing the issue directly and its rude, frankly.

but you're right the mom doesn't need to be there and the toddler definitely doesn't.

you might be better placed to say "apologies for the confusion, we aren't having siblings this time as its a very small group, you're welcome to pop in for a drink with me in the next room if want to..."

[Anonymous]

I was welcome to stay with my toddler when my friend hosted a dinner and movie night for 8 year olds, but that was because we were close, I could help her and provide some conversation.

I agree that if you are not close to this other parent, you should gently tell her that this is a drop-off party.

[Anonymous]

...but otherwise its a drop off"

sorry - missed the end off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't write "enjoy your night off ... etc"

as its not addressing the issue directly and its rude, frankly.

but you're right the mom doesn't need to be there and the toddler definitely doesn't.

you might be better placed to say "apologies for the confusion, we aren't having siblings this time as its a very small group, you're welcome to pop in for a drink with me in the next room if want to..."

OP here. Thanks to all for sanity-checking me. I reached out to the mom and she was relieved to hear drop-off was okay. Whew!

[Anonymous]

Don't leave anything up for discussion. Tell the mom that this is a drop off party.

[Anonymous]

Be explicit in the invitation if it's drop off. Otherwise your guests don't know what to do. That's a general plea to birthday party hosts. I hate getting ambiguous invites.

As a guest, I don't assume it's ok to drop of unless the invite says it's ok. Some parents don't do drop-off parties at this age for a specific reason and that's fine. (Examples: the place is very far away, something that requires one-on-one supervision like rock climbing.) But people just need to know what the host is planning and expecting.

[Anonymous]

I agree. Just let me know politely and I'll comply. Even at 7, our group is a mix. I don't drop off at swim parties though, my one exception.

[Anonymous]

At what age is drop-off implicit? 12? 10? 8? (Not for a party with higher risk - swimming, rock climbing, etc. for a party like the OP mentioned - kids watching a movie in someone's house.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be explicit in the invitation if it's drop off. Otherwise your guests don't know what to do. That's a general plea to birthday party hosts. I hate getting ambiguous invites.

As a guest, I don't assume it's ok to drop of unless the invite says it's ok. Some parents don't do drop-off parties at this age for a specific reason and that's fine. (Examples: the place is very far away, something that requires one-on-one supervision like rock climbing.) But people just need to know what the host is planning and expecting.

You're not getting invited - your kid is!

[Anonymous]

"I wouldn't write "enjoy your night off ... etc"

as its not addressing the issue directly and its rude, frankly. "

I know. Why do women always do this? Learn to put on your big girl panties and say what you actually mean. Don't be afraid. Get some backbone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be explicit in the invitation if it's drop off. Otherwise your guests don't know what to do. That's a general plea to birthday party hosts. I hate getting ambiguous invites.

As a guest, I don't assume it's ok to drop of unless the invite says it's ok. Some parents don't do drop-off parties at this age for a specific reason and that's fine. (Examples: the place is very far away, something that requires one-on-one supervision like rock climbing.) But people just need to know what the host is planning and expecting.

If it's far away, you go somewhere else in the interim, like Barnes and Noble. And no rock climbing birthday party set up for kids is going to require parental supervision.