What to say and how to support a parent who's child is transitioning to a different gender

[Anonymous]

Please excuse any incorrect vocabulary. This is new to me!

I just spoke to the parents of one of our neighbors and dear friends. They are beginning the process (?) of helping their child switch genders. The child is 7. There's obviously a LOT more info that they shared with us but isn't necessary to this post.
Basically, I just want to know what to say and how to support them. The parents, of course, are under the guidance of top experts in this field. I don't want to ask THEM for help as they already have enough going on. I want to be equipped with good responses, questions, vocab, and emotional strength!
I will begin to read some books....any suggestions? Any articles? Anything I should say beyond, "we are here to support you!"
The parents are wonderful and accepting, but this is very difficult and emotional for them. We want them to know we aren't downplaying the challenges but also want to let them know that we are 110% on board.
We love them dearly and want to support them and the child.

Any advice is SO appreciated.

[Anonymous]

OP here. ARGH. It's "Whose". SORRY! Not the vocab I thought I messed up!

[Anonymous]

I'll be honest, I have a hard time supporting a gender transition in a child that young. I don't understand fixing a label on such a young person who hasn't been through puberty yet. I feel like the pendulum has swung way to far in the opposite direction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest, I have a hard time supporting a gender transition in a child that young. I don't understand fixing a label on such a young person who hasn't been through puberty yet. I feel like the pendulum has swung way to far in the opposite direction.

OP here. Thanks for giving a clear example of what NOT to say.

I really don't want to this to be a debate. Like I said, there is a LOT more to the story that I am choosing not to share. If you have advice, please give it. If not, start an anti-gender transition thread.

[Anonymous]

A child in my daughters class is gender non-conforming. At this time, the parents are working through letting the child choose which gender he/she wants to be on any given day. For example, some days, he is in schools as a boy and some as a girl and some really it's a mix.

The kids (same age as your OP) really go with the flow on it. As for parental support....the child is the same kid today as yesterday as tomorrow. Gender doesn't mean the person inside changes. Just talk to the child as you would any other and be open to any discussions the parents may (or may not!) want to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest, I have a hard time supporting a gender transition in a child that young. I don't understand fixing a label on such a young person who hasn't been through puberty yet. I feel like the pendulum has swung way to far in the opposite direction.

it's easier on the kid to transition before puberty. Otherwise they're stuck in that body, if they switch earlier there's meds they can take to stop the body changing. I've been watching the show " I am Jazz" about a trans teen who did it a very young age. It's a very informative show.

[Anonymous]

OP. Just to add, we ourselves do not have any children yet (I am pregnant) so I don't need to know how to talk to my own child about this. It's really just us. How to be supportive to the parents and validate ALL of their mixed emotions.

[Anonymous]

That seems so young but as with anything else just go with it. Don't stare or ask intrusive questions. Follow the parents' lead. I don't think you need to read any books or anything, that seems excessive. Is this one of those things where the body parts are one thing but the chromosomes are something else? That is the only way I see this happening with a 7 year old.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have friends who are going through the same thing. Our children were born 5 weeks apart and I've known this child since they were born. From the get go I saw this child did not identify with their physical gender. Long story short, I totally believe this child is transgendered. It's been a very stressful and painful experience for this family. The people who say it's child abuse have no idea what they are talking about. Making the child live as someone they are not, is child abuse. So back to our question, I just try and let them know that I am supportive of them and always ready to listen. I think the best thing to do is to still treat them as you always have. Don't be awkward. Don't avoid them. Just maintain your friendship and be supportive with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have friends who are going through the same thing. Our children were born 5 weeks apart and I've known this child since they were born. From the get go I saw this child did not identify with their physical gender. Long story short, I totally believe this child is transgendered. It's been a very stressful and painful experience for this family. The people who say it's child abuse have no idea what they are talking about. Making the child live as someone they are not, is child abuse. So back to our question, I just try and let them know that I am supportive of them and always ready to listen. I think the best thing to do is to still treat them as you always have. Don't be awkward. Don't avoid them. Just maintain your friendship and be supportive with them.

Thank you. This is VERY similar to my situation.

[Anonymous]

OP is very kind of you to want to be supportive in this situation. Some things are basic like using proper pronouns and names etc. There's a great podcast about a woman with a young child who transitioned. It's well done and might be useful. It's called How to be a Girl, you might check it out.

And when in doubt just ask how you can be supportive.

[ThatBetch]

Anonymous wrote:Please excuse any incorrect vocabulary. This is new to me!

I just spoke to the parents of one of our neighbors and dear friends. They are beginning the process (?) of helping their child switch genders. The child is 7. There's obviously a LOT more info that they shared with us but isn't necessary to this post.
Basically, I just want to know what to say and how to support them. The parents, of course, are under the guidance of top experts in this field. I don't want to ask THEM for help as they already have enough going on. I want to be equipped with good responses, questions, vocab, and emotional strength!
I will begin to read some books....any suggestions? Any articles? Anything I should say beyond, "we are here to support you!"
The parents are wonderful and accepting, but this is very difficult and emotional for them. We want them to know we aren't downplaying the challenges but also want to let them know that we are 110% on board.
We love them dearly and want to support them and the child.

Any advice is SO appreciated.

Just be honest. "This is new to me, and I'm honestly not quite sure what to say, but I want you to know that you and (child's name) have my full support 110%!" with a side of "How can I help?" if you're actually willing to help.

Then show up, and listen. And when you come across questions, Google is your friend. Or PFLAG: https://www.pflag.org/allies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please excuse any incorrect vocabulary. This is new to me!

I just spoke to the parents of one of our neighbors and dear friends. They are beginning the process (?) of helping their child switch genders. The child is 7. There's obviously a LOT more info that they shared with us but isn't necessary to this post.
Basically, I just want to know what to say and how to support them. The parents, of course, are under the guidance of top experts in this field. I don't want to ask THEM for help as they already have enough going on. I want to be equipped with good responses, questions, vocab, and emotional strength!
I will begin to read some books....any suggestions? Any articles? Anything I should say beyond, "we are here to support you!"
The parents are wonderful and accepting, but this is very difficult and emotional for them. We want them to know we aren't downplaying the challenges but also want to let them know that we are 110% on board.
We love them dearly and want to support them and the child.

Any advice is SO appreciated.

What does "switch genders" mean in practice?

I really wouldn't have anything constructive to say, except to smile and express my hope their child feels right doing this.

Also there have been several posts on DCUM recently about this subject. I hope you're not a troll.

[Anonymous]

Definitely not a troll.

I don't know if "switch genders" is the correct term. Transition gender? Basically the family and therapists and everyone is figuring out how to help the child go from the birth/sex determined gender to the gender s/he identities with and believes s/he is.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you need to do anything other than accepting their child as he or she presents themselves. Disregard whether they have a penis or vagina. If David says to you "I'm Danielle" then call her Danielle and use female pronouns.