How did STBX take it when you introduced kids to new SO?
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Anonymous
| I am curious what responses people have had, especially if divorce is not yet final. |
Anonymous
|
Every family psychologist in the world would say it is irresponsible to introduce a SO if you have not been living separately for at least 1 year.
So any STBX who loves their children would not be happy about haphazard meetings of random new SOs. Can you give a little more background? |
Anonymous
|
In my experience this never goes well. We were both advised in the parenting class and by our lawyers to wait until after the divorce was final. Our family therapist asked us to wait until a year after the divorce was final before introducing any new SOs to the kid.
I waited. My ex didn't. That didn't surprise or distress me because I was emotionally out of the marriage for 2-3 years before. She showed up at my house with my then STBX. No warning that he was bringing anyone, let alone TLOHL. I shook her hand and made small talk about a band whose t-shirt she was wearing. The problem wasn't my reaction, but the kid's. She found out the same day which happened to be the first weekend visitation of the brand new custody order in month 5 of our separation. And then, she had a bad reaction to the next four gfs who were also TLOHL for the few weeks or months they dated while we waited for the divorce to be finalized through the first year. |
Anonymous
| Why in the world would you do a thing like that? |
Anonymous
| Don't do it! The kids have to process this new life and its not fair to them to introduce them to someone new, regardless of how close you are with the new SO. |
Anonymous
+1 Get your life in order, OP. More importantly, get your children's lives in order. Their world has been shattered. The last thing they need is to be introduced to a parent's new partner. FFS. |
Anonymous
| What does TLOHL mean? |
Anonymous
| What the hell is TLOHL? |
Anonymous
Figured it out I think. (The Love Of His Life?) |
Anonymous
| The love of his life? |
Anonymous
| whats the rush? I think it's family specific but just had a friend go through it. He did counseling for 9 months after her infidelity, then separated. Divorce filing was 9 months after that and then finalized 9 months after that. He started online dating sometime after separation and introduced kids after he filed but before it was final. It seemed reasonable to me. |
Anonymous
| Short for the love of his (or her) life. Sorry, use that on another board. |
Anonymous
|
Definitely not until the divorce is final. However, if the person is someone the kids already know and regularly encounter, like the parent of a friend, it may be more damaging to try and hide it.
How old are the kids? Is this an affair situation? |
Anonymous
Kida are in elementary school. Not an affair. Divorces can take a looooong time to finalize. That's my thinking, that it would be worse to keep it hidden for a long time and then introduce them and they find out it's been going on for a while. |
Anonymous
No. It's not worse. Besides they don't need to know when it started. You are just sick of seeing him every other weekend,get over it. Your kids are more important than your little relationship thing. |