Mom Cliques. I had no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday! LMAO! Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

I feel bad for this poster. You all assume she's some weird outsider and not legitimately friends with these people. Kind of proves the clique point, tbh. Clearly this isn't some random acquaintances - perhaps the poster has been supportive of them in the past. Yeah, so that would hurt anyone who isn't a stepford robot.

I also feel bad for her, but not for the same reasons. She mentioned how close she was to only a few. So, no, no legitimate friends. When in doubt, just add your own facts.

talk about adding your own "facts".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday! LMAO! Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

I feel bad for this poster. You all assume she's some weird outsider and not legitimately friends with these people. Kind of proves the clique point, tbh. Clearly this isn't some random acquaintances - perhaps the poster has been supportive of them in the past. Yeah, so that would hurt anyone who isn't a stepford robot.

No, it really wouldn’t. She is friends with 2 of them, and the rest are acquaintances. But that really doesn’t matter. If I ran into some of my friends out with others, I would not think anything of it whatsoever. I’d probably smile, wave, and go about the business meeting I was there for. I wouldn’t even go up to the table bc I wouldn’t want to interrupt them. I honestly cannot believe anyone’s feelings would be hurt over this

I have a feeling OP doesn’t have many friends outside these 2 neighbors, which is why she is all “who would have known my friends hang out with other people?!”

It reminds of when I was in the 1st grade and ran into my teacher at the grocery store. My little kid brain was so amazed that my teacher actually had to go buy food too.

If OP had lots of friends and was part of multiple friend groups, she would be totally unfazed by something like this. Sounds like it’s time for her to branch out and not be so reliant on just 2 people who obviously have a lot of other friends to fit into their schedule as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday! LMAO! Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

I feel bad for this poster. You all assume she's some weird outsider and not legitimately friends with these people. Kind of proves the clique point, tbh. Clearly this isn't some random acquaintances - perhaps the poster has been supportive of them in the past. Yeah, so that would hurt anyone who isn't a stepford robot.

I also feel bad for her, but not for the same reasons. She mentioned how close she was to only a few. So, no, no legitimate friends. When in doubt, just add your own facts.

talk about adding your own "facts".

OP literally said 2 lived in her neighborhood and 3 she considered friends. That's it. Out of 15. You/that PP made up a whole backstory of providing support. Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday! LMAO! Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

I feel bad for this poster. You all assume she's some weird outsider and not legitimately friends with these people. Kind of proves the clique point, tbh. Clearly this isn't some random acquaintances - perhaps the poster has been supportive of them in the past. Yeah, so that would hurt anyone who isn't a stepford robot.

I also feel bad for her, but not for the same reasons. She mentioned how close she was to only a few. So, no, no legitimate friends. When in doubt, just add your own facts.

talk about adding your own "facts".

OP literally said 2 lived in her neighborhood and 3 she considered friends. That's it. Out of 15. You/that PP made up a whole backstory of providing support. Give me a break.

Worse. Only 2 are friends. 3 she said are acquaintances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a private school, by any chance, OP?

OP—No. Fringe rural LCPS.

Is it your belief that if those other 2 families in your neighborhood ever do anything , even an activity that perhaps neither organized but were invited to, that they must include you?

How many knots are you going to twist yourself into to be "right" that OP is "wrong" about this?

You are so married to the idea that it is NEVER okay for a woman to feel left out or excluded, that when a woman says she felt that way, you are going to tear it apart until she admits she's the one in the wrong.

Why do you think you are like this? Why is it so hard for you to just think "yeah, I can see how that might have been uncomfortable for you"?

NP. Why are you trying to hard to get your feelings hurt? That PP never said that it was NEVER okay for a woman to feel left out of excluded, you did. MOST OF THE TIME you shouldn't have hurt feelings because people you know however tangentially are doing something that doesn't include you. Of course it's ok to be hurt if your best friend planned a trip for her 50th birthday with 10 other women and didn't invite you. But OP's situation? Where she knew a small amount of the people at the event and then decided to send a snarky text acting like it was an every Friday kind of invite-only activity from which she had been purposefully excluded? That's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a private school, by any chance, OP?

OP—No. Fringe rural LCPS.

Is it your belief that if those other 2 families in your neighborhood ever do anything , even an activity that perhaps neither organized but were invited to, that they must include you?

How many knots are you going to twist yourself into to be "right" that OP is "wrong" about this?

You are so married to the idea that it is NEVER okay for a woman to feel left out or excluded, that when a woman says she felt that way, you are going to tear it apart until she admits she's the one in the wrong.

Why do you think you are like this? Why is it so hard for you to just think "yeah, I can see how that might have been uncomfortable for you"?

You’re weirdly worked up about one person’s comment. Take a break from the thread if you’re taking it that personally.

Nope, not worked up, just baffled by the commitment to the idea that OP is unreasonable here. I've never been in OP's exact position but I get why it was awkward and weird and didn't immediately jump to the conclusion she is overreacting.

Well, you seem oddly invested in the idea that these women went out of their way to exclude OP because she, along with many other schools parents, wasn’t invited. OP never did say if she was planning to invite every one of these women to the event she is planning at the same winery.

NP. No, the PP is correct. So many people in this thread tying themselves into knots dreaming up scenarios to gaslight OP. And anyone who tries to be understanding towards her. You guys are the ones who are weirdly invested in defending mom cliques.

The lack of empathy and sometimes outright hostility on the part of some PPs lends credence to the idea of mom cliques. So desperate to defend your right to exclude.

Not any of the PPs to which you are replying, but it's funny to me that you don't see that you're the one tying yourself into knots. No one is defending mom cliques. People are saying that it's ok for a group of people to get together once without inviting every single person they've ever met. This is not a group of 15 that are in OP's circle that she is being excluded from. She doesn't even know most of the people who were there. Who in their right mind would be upset about not being invited to something like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a private school, by any chance, OP?

OP—No. Fringe rural LCPS.

Is it your belief that if those other 2 families in your neighborhood ever do anything , even an activity that perhaps neither organized but were invited to, that they must include you?

How many knots are you going to twist yourself into to be "right" that OP is "wrong" about this?

You are so married to the idea that it is NEVER okay for a woman to feel left out or excluded, that when a woman says she felt that way, you are going to tear it apart until she admits she's the one in the wrong.

Why do you think you are like this? Why is it so hard for you to just think "yeah, I can see how that might have been uncomfortable for you"?

You’re weirdly worked up about one person’s comment. Take a break from the thread if you’re taking it that personally.

Nope, not worked up, just baffled by the commitment to the idea that OP is unreasonable here. I've never been in OP's exact position but I get why it was awkward and weird and didn't immediately jump to the conclusion she is overreacting.

Well, you seem oddly invested in the idea that these women went out of their way to exclude OP because she, along with many other schools parents, wasn’t invited. OP never did say if she was planning to invite every one of these women to the event she is planning at the same winery.

I never said I thought that these women went out of their way to exclude OP. I think probably it was either an accident (a text chain about the gathering and the people who might have invited OP either forgot to include her or were added to the group late enough that they didn't invite anyone) or maybe this is how OP found out that she wasn't as close to these particular women (meaning the group from her neighborhood she is actually friends with) as she thought.

I just agree that the incident would be kind of awkward and believe OP that it felt awkward in the moment. And I don't think it's weird she felt that way, as I can imagine a similar situation where I would also feel awkward. That's all. I don't think it was some giant conspiracy to exclude OP, but she *was* excluded (whether simply by accident or maybe a bit more purposefully, but probably not maliciously) and it's reasonable that she would feel the sting of that when it happened.

I think the people who are calling OP crazy or delusional or acting like it's totally unreasonable to feel as she did are protesting a little too much. You can empathize with OP without casting the other women involved as vicious mean girls.

Or maybe, just maybe, those people who did know OP (and by the way, weren't even her close friends, but knew her), understand that when you are invited to something, you don't then get to invite additional people. Honestly, who acts like that? Do you extend invitations to whoever you like when you have been invited to something? If I'm invited to an event and I don't turn around and invite my three best friends, that's not an accident. I am purposefully not inviting people to something I am not in charge of. I am totally lost as to how you people don't understand this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a private school, by any chance, OP?

OP—No. Fringe rural LCPS.

Is it your belief that if those other 2 families in your neighborhood ever do anything , even an activity that perhaps neither organized but were invited to, that they must include you?

How many knots are you going to twist yourself into to be "right" that OP is "wrong" about this?

You are so married to the idea that it is NEVER okay for a woman to feel left out or excluded, that when a woman says she felt that way, you are going to tear it apart until she admits she's the one in the wrong.

Why do you think you are like this? Why is it so hard for you to just think "yeah, I can see how that might have been uncomfortable for you"?

NP. Why are you trying to hard to get your feelings hurt? That PP never said that it was NEVER okay for a woman to feel left out of excluded, you did. MOST OF THE TIME you shouldn't have hurt feelings because people you know however tangentially are doing something that doesn't include you. Of course it's ok to be hurt if your best friend planned a trip for her 50th birthday with 10 other women and didn't invite you. But OP's situation? Where she knew a small amount of the people at the event and then decided to send a snarky text acting like it was an every Friday kind of invite-only activity from which she had been purposefully excluded? That's ridiculous.

It's never useful to tell someone they "shouldn't" feel some way. You can tell OP that those women almost certainly didn't exclude her intentionally, and tell her the expectation of inclusion isn't really reasonable since of course not everyone can be invited to everything. And I'd agree.

But if OP feels left out, that's just how she feels. It doesn't matter if you think it's ridiculous or not. If that's how she feels, it likely reflects the broader context of how she fits into this school community and her neighborhood, and as others have noted, might be a result of her not having many friends. She also just might kind of long for a group of women to go out with in that way, and be sad to learn that some of her friends have a group like that... but she's not part of it.

I think it's strange how many posters (or a few posters, posting repeatedly) felt like OP had done something wrong by just feeling awkward or sad about this situation. She shouldn't have sent the bitter text message, but there's nothing wrong with just feeling hurt. It is what it is. Maybe it's a wake up call to OP to put herself out their more or cultivate her friendships more, so that seeing other women having fun together doesn't trigger her in this way.

[Anonymous]

You felt excluded. I get it. That's a crap feeling.

But that I don't see how that makes them a "clique". It's ok to have different friends than the moms at school.

[Anonymous]

Not reading all 39 pages. But OP is crazy. How did Monday go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a private school, by any chance, OP?

OP—No. Fringe rural LCPS.

Is it your belief that if those other 2 families in your neighborhood ever do anything , even an activity that perhaps neither organized but were invited to, that they must include you?

How many knots are you going to twist yourself into to be "right" that OP is "wrong" about this?

You are so married to the idea that it is NEVER okay for a woman to feel left out or excluded, that when a woman says she felt that way, you are going to tear it apart until she admits she's the one in the wrong.

Why do you think you are like this? Why is it so hard for you to just think "yeah, I can see how that might have been uncomfortable for you"?

NP. Why are you trying to hard to get your feelings hurt? That PP never said that it was NEVER okay for a woman to feel left out of excluded, you did. MOST OF THE TIME you shouldn't have hurt feelings because people you know however tangentially are doing something that doesn't include you. Of course it's ok to be hurt if your best friend planned a trip for her 50th birthday with 10 other women and didn't invite you. But OP's situation? Where she knew a small amount of the people at the event and then decided to send a snarky text acting like it was an every Friday kind of invite-only activity from which she had been purposefully excluded? That's ridiculous.

Yeah, I don't understand this either. Did OP come back and say she somehow found out all these 15 women were getting together every Friday? The text was strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a private school, by any chance, OP?

OP—No. Fringe rural LCPS.

Is it your belief that if those other 2 families in your neighborhood ever do anything , even an activity that perhaps neither organized but were invited to, that they must include you?

How many knots are you going to twist yourself into to be "right" that OP is "wrong" about this?

You are so married to the idea that it is NEVER okay for a woman to feel left out or excluded, that when a woman says she felt that way, you are going to tear it apart until she admits she's the one in the wrong.

Why do you think you are like this? Why is it so hard for you to just think "yeah, I can see how that might have been uncomfortable for you"?

NP. Why are you trying to hard to get your feelings hurt? That PP never said that it was NEVER okay for a woman to feel left out of excluded, you did. MOST OF THE TIME you shouldn't have hurt feelings because people you know however tangentially are doing something that doesn't include you. Of course it's ok to be hurt if your best friend planned a trip for her 50th birthday with 10 other women and didn't invite you. But OP's situation? Where she knew a small amount of the people at the event and then decided to send a snarky text acting like it was an every Friday kind of invite-only activity from which she had been purposefully excluded? That's ridiculous.

It's never useful to tell someone they "shouldn't" feel some way. You can tell OP that those women almost certainly didn't exclude her intentionally, and tell her the expectation of inclusion isn't really reasonable since of course not everyone can be invited to everything. And I'd agree.

But if OP feels left out, that's just how she feels. It doesn't matter if you think it's ridiculous or not. If that's how she feels, it likely reflects the broader context of how she fits into this school community and her neighborhood, and as others have noted, might be a result of her not having many friends. She also just might kind of long for a group of women to go out with in that way, and be sad to learn that some of her friends have a group like that... but she's not part of it.

I think it's strange how many posters (or a few posters, posting repeatedly) felt like OP had done something wrong by just feeling awkward or sad about this situation. She shouldn't have sent the bitter text message, but there's nothing wrong with just feeling hurt. It is what it is. Maybe it's a wake up call to OP to put herself out their more or cultivate her friendships more, so that seeing other women having fun together doesn't trigger her in this way.

I find posts like this amusing. You are criticizing PPs for saying OP shouldn't have felt hurt, but then you say that OP unreasonably assumed that she had been excluded and that she presumably felt hurt only because something is wrong in her life, i.e., she doesn't have many friends. That really is not meaningfully different than telling OP that she shouldn't have felt hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a private school, by any chance, OP?

OP—No. Fringe rural LCPS.

Is it your belief that if those other 2 families in your neighborhood ever do anything , even an activity that perhaps neither organized but were invited to, that they must include you?

How many knots are you going to twist yourself into to be "right" that OP is "wrong" about this?

You are so married to the idea that it is NEVER okay for a woman to feel left out or excluded, that when a woman says she felt that way, you are going to tear it apart until she admits she's the one in the wrong.

Why do you think you are like this? Why is it so hard for you to just think "yeah, I can see how that might have been uncomfortable for you"?

NP. Why are you trying to hard to get your feelings hurt? That PP never said that it was NEVER okay for a woman to feel left out of excluded, you did. MOST OF THE TIME you shouldn't have hurt feelings because people you know however tangentially are doing something that doesn't include you. Of course it's ok to be hurt if your best friend planned a trip for her 50th birthday with 10 other women and didn't invite you. But OP's situation? Where she knew a small amount of the people at the event and then decided to send a snarky text acting like it was an every Friday kind of invite-only activity from which she had been purposefully excluded? That's ridiculous.

It's never useful to tell someone they "shouldn't" feel some way. You can tell OP that those women almost certainly didn't exclude her intentionally, and tell her the expectation of inclusion isn't really reasonable since of course not everyone can be invited to everything. And I'd agree.

But if OP feels left out, that's just how she feels. It doesn't matter if you think it's ridiculous or not. If that's how she feels, it likely reflects the broader context of how she fits into this school community and her neighborhood, and as others have noted, might be a result of her not having many friends. She also just might kind of long for a group of women to go out with in that way, and be sad to learn that some of her friends have a group like that... but she's not part of it.

I think it's strange how many posters (or a few posters, posting repeatedly) felt like OP had done something wrong by just feeling awkward or sad about this situation. She shouldn't have sent the bitter text message, but there's nothing wrong with just feeling hurt. It is what it is. Maybe it's a wake up call to OP to put herself out their more or cultivate her friendships more, so that seeing other women having fun together doesn't trigger her in this way.

It's not a few posters, seems like the majority don't agree with you no matter how many ways you feel the need to try to make your point over and over again that they are all wrong and you're the only correct one. Just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a private school, by any chance, OP?

OP—No. Fringe rural LCPS.

Is it your belief that if those other 2 families in your neighborhood ever do anything , even an activity that perhaps neither organized but were invited to, that they must include you?

How many knots are you going to twist yourself into to be "right" that OP is "wrong" about this?

You are so married to the idea that it is NEVER okay for a woman to feel left out or excluded, that when a woman says she felt that way, you are going to tear it apart until she admits she's the one in the wrong.

Why do you think you are like this? Why is it so hard for you to just think "yeah, I can see how that might have been uncomfortable for you"?

You’re weirdly worked up about one person’s comment. Take a break from the thread if you’re taking it that personally.

Nope, not worked up, just baffled by the commitment to the idea that OP is unreasonable here. I've never been in OP's exact position but I get why it was awkward and weird and didn't immediately jump to the conclusion she is overreacting.

Well, you seem oddly invested in the idea that these women went out of their way to exclude OP because she, along with many other schools parents, wasn’t invited. OP never did say if she was planning to invite every one of these women to the event she is planning at the same winery.

NP. No, the PP is correct. So many people in this thread tying themselves into knots dreaming up scenarios to gaslight OP. And anyone who tries to be understanding towards her. You guys are the ones who are weirdly invested in defending mom cliques.

The lack of empathy and sometimes outright hostility on the part of some PPs lends credence to the idea of mom cliques. So desperate to defend your right to exclude.

Not any of the PPs to which you are replying, but it's funny to me that you don't see that you're the one tying yourself into knots. No one is defending mom cliques. People are saying that it's ok for a group of people to get together once without inviting every single person they've ever met. This is not a group of 15 that are in OP's circle that she is being excluded from. She doesn't even know most of the people who were there. Who in their right mind would be upset about not being invited to something like that?

Nope. No knots. There are some reasonable posts on here but even Jeff noted how people attacked the OP, esp. early on in the thread. I'm not arguing about OP's specific situation but rather the reactions to her post. Just fascinated in a sad way at how DCUM posters always always assume the worst about the OP and just make stuff up to justify tearing an OP down. It happens all the time on here. This thread was no different. Stop pretending it isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a private school, by any chance, OP?

OP—No. Fringe rural LCPS.

Is it your belief that if those other 2 families in your neighborhood ever do anything , even an activity that perhaps neither organized but were invited to, that they must include you?

How many knots are you going to twist yourself into to be "right" that OP is "wrong" about this?

You are so married to the idea that it is NEVER okay for a woman to feel left out or excluded, that when a woman says she felt that way, you are going to tear it apart until she admits she's the one in the wrong.

Why do you think you are like this? Why is it so hard for you to just think "yeah, I can see how that might have been uncomfortable for you"?

NP. Why are you trying to hard to get your feelings hurt? That PP never said that it was NEVER okay for a woman to feel left out of excluded, you did. MOST OF THE TIME you shouldn't have hurt feelings because people you know however tangentially are doing something that doesn't include you. Of course it's ok to be hurt if your best friend planned a trip for her 50th birthday with 10 other women and didn't invite you. But OP's situation? Where she knew a small amount of the people at the event and then decided to send a snarky text acting like it was an every Friday kind of invite-only activity from which she had been purposefully excluded? That's ridiculous.

It's never useful to tell someone they "shouldn't" feel some way. You can tell OP that those women almost certainly didn't exclude her intentionally, and tell her the expectation of inclusion isn't really reasonable since of course not everyone can be invited to everything. And I'd agree.

But if OP feels left out, that's just how she feels. It doesn't matter if you think it's ridiculous or not. If that's how she feels, it likely reflects the broader context of how she fits into this school community and her neighborhood, and as others have noted, might be a result of her not having many friends. She also just might kind of long for a group of women to go out with in that way, and be sad to learn that some of her friends have a group like that... but she's not part of it.

I think it's strange how many posters (or a few posters, posting repeatedly) felt like OP had done something wrong by just feeling awkward or sad about this situation. She shouldn't have sent the bitter text message, but there's nothing wrong with just feeling hurt. It is what it is. Maybe it's a wake up call to OP to put herself out their more or cultivate her friendships more, so that seeing other women having fun together doesn't trigger her in this way.

It's not a few posters, seems like the majority don't agree with you no matter how many ways you feel the need to try to make your point over and over again that they are all wrong and you're the only correct one. Just let it go.

DP. and it is sad that the majority are so cold hearted. The DCUM mantra = suck it up, buttercup.