So frustrated dealing with ADD teen's magical thinking

[Anonymous]

I understand this type of thinking is very common in kids with ADD. My kid has had a rough academic year his first year of high school. In spite of terrible grades and not doing homework consistently, he insists that he wants to take very high level courses next year. I feel that he is setting himself up for more failure. He feels that I am showing a lack of confidence and trust in his abilities.
Do you have any strategies to recommend? Or books I can read about this?

[Anonymous]

I'd like to know this also. Have a very anxious and demanding rising 8th grader who does well academically, but doesn't handle the stress well and is a total a-hole to us in every way imaginable. We want him to take less demanding classes, but he insists on the difficult ones.

[Anonymous]

No wisdom to share but dealing with something similar. I think it's funny that you call it magical thinking. Gave me a chuckle. Is it that your DS is capable of doing the work and enjoys the material but just isn't able to apply himself due to the ADD? I know this isn't what you are asking but can you get a 504 that can give him some modifications like no homework? Is he doing badly in the testing part of the classes too? Can you get him a tutor?

[Anonymous]

Is it because he thinks less of the students in less demanding classes? Could you help him work on this attitude? If this is it, then
his attitude will be much more of a detriment in life than a few lower level classes.

[Anonymous]

One of the things our high school did was provide parents with a list of expectations for each class that included how many hours of homework a day, how much writing was required, etc. They also had an evening program that I took my son to. When my son went through this phase, I put together a schedule of what his week would look like if he took the classes he was suggesting. He reached the conclusion that it wasn't realistic.

You will not get a modification of no homework for high level classes.

[Anonymous]

On the other hand, one of the hallmarks of ADHD is not that you can't focus, but that you have a hard time making yourself focus on the boring stuff. Is the challenging work something that your DC is much more interested in? If so, I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand.

Have some more honest, non-critical conversation with your teen. Try and understand why he wants to take these classes. I can see if he is not turning in homework because it is really boring, so he can't bring himself to do it. Then something more interesting and challenging may really be helpful. Alternatively, if he's doing the homework but can't get organized to turn it in, then you have to ask how things can be structured so he does turn it in. Most ADD kids need a lot of support both at home and in school to develop the habit (that others develop easily at a much younger age) of turning in homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the things our high school did was provide parents with a list of expectations for each class that included how many hours of homework a day, how much writing was required, etc. They also had an evening program that I took my son to. When my son went through this phase, I put together a schedule of what his week would look like if he took the classes he was suggesting. He reached the conclusion that it wasn't realistic.

You will not get a modification of no homework for high level classes.

Wrong. In public school, it would be illegal to deny an accommodation for a high level class for a disabled student. (Probably in private school also, but there is more leeway there.) Modifications of homework can be done in many ways. Kids can do alternate problems. Kids can have more time to turn homework in. Kids can have homework scribed for them. Kids can turn in alternative projects (like a video explanation of a chemistry experiment instead of a written report).

Saying, "we refuse to modify homework for high level classes," is denying disabled students the opportunities available to non-disabled students.

Modified homework is absolutely an available accommodation. You might have to fight for it, but it is an option. Keep going up the chain and complaining if you are denied this kind of accommodation.

Signed, the mom of 2 different SN kids in magnet programs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the things our high school did was provide parents with a list of expectations for each class that included how many hours of homework a day, how much writing was required, etc. They also had an evening program that I took my son to. When my son went through this phase, I put together a schedule of what his week would look like if he took the classes he was suggesting. He reached the conclusion that it wasn't realistic.

You will not get a modification of no homework for high level classes.

Wrong. In public school, it would be illegal to deny an accommodation for a high level class for a disabled student. (Probably in private school also, but there is more leeway there.) Modifications of homework can be done in many ways. Kids can do alternate problems. Kids can have more time to turn homework in. Kids can have homework scribed for them. Kids can turn in alternative projects (like a video explanation of a chemistry experiment instead of a written report).

Saying, "we refuse to modify homework for high level classes," is denying disabled students the opportunities available to non-disabled students.

Modified homework is absolutely an available accommodation. You might have to fight for it, but it is an option. Keep going up the chain and complaining if you are denied this kind of accommodation.

Signed, the mom of 2 different SN kids in magnet programs.

Sorry, should add I am not addressing "no" homework, but the fact that homework can be modified in such a way as to reduce it (but, admittedly, not reduce it to zero).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the things our high school did was provide parents with a list of expectations for each class that included how many hours of homework a day, how much writing was required, etc. They also had an evening program that I took my son to. When my son went through this phase, I put together a schedule of what his week would look like if he took the classes he was suggesting. He reached the conclusion that it wasn't realistic.

You will not get a modification of no homework for high level classes.

Wrong. In public school, it would be illegal to deny an accommodation for a high level class for a disabled student. (Probably in private school also, but there is more leeway there.) Modifications of homework can be done in many ways. Kids can do alternate problems. Kids can have more time to turn homework in. Kids can have homework scribed for them. Kids can turn in alternative projects (like a video explanation of a chemistry experiment instead of a written report).

Saying, "we refuse to modify homework for high level classes," is denying disabled students the opportunities available to non-disabled students.

Modified homework is absolutely an available accommodation. You might have to fight for it, but it is an option. Keep going up the chain and complaining if you are denied this kind of accommodation.

Signed, the mom of 2 different SN kids in magnet programs.

And what's your game plan here for college and life beyond in the work world? When does all this accommodating end, exactly?

These 24 year olds who've been propped up their entire academic career are a pain to manage when they discover that yes, they do have to deliver to the client on time without extra time, and no, we are not going to assign their pre-work to their office mate and double her work because Mr Accommodated has difficulty with all that organization

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the things our high school did was provide parents with a list of expectations for each class that included how many hours of homework a day, how much writing was required, etc. They also had an evening program that I took my son to. When my son went through this phase, I put together a schedule of what his week would look like if he took the classes he was suggesting. He reached the conclusion that it wasn't realistic.

You will not get a modification of no homework for high level classes.

Wrong. In public school, it would be illegal to deny an accommodation for a high level class for a disabled student. (Probably in private school also, but there is more leeway there.) Modifications of homework can be done in many ways. Kids can do alternate problems. Kids can have more time to turn homework in. Kids can have homework scribed for them. Kids can turn in alternative projects (like a video explanation of a chemistry experiment instead of a written report).

Saying, "we refuse to modify homework for high level classes," is denying disabled students the opportunities available to non-disabled students.

Modified homework is absolutely an available accommodation. You might have to fight for it, but it is an option. Keep going up the chain and complaining if you are denied this kind of accommodation.

Signed, the mom of 2 different SN kids in magnet programs.

And what's your game plan here for college and life beyond in the work world? When does all this accommodating end, exactly?

These 24 year olds who've been propped up their entire academic career are a pain to manage when they discover that yes, they do have to deliver to the client on time without extra time, and no, we are not going to assign their pre-work to their office mate and double her work because Mr Accommodated has difficulty with all that organization

So well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the things our high school did was provide parents with a list of expectations for each class that included how many hours of homework a day, how much writing was required, etc. They also had an evening program that I took my son to. When my son went through this phase, I put together a schedule of what his week would look like if he took the classes he was suggesting. He reached the conclusion that it wasn't realistic.

You will not get a modification of no homework for high level classes.

Wrong. In public school, it would be illegal to deny an accommodation for a high level class for a disabled student. (Probably in private school also, but there is more leeway there.) Modifications of homework can be done in many ways. Kids can do alternate problems. Kids can have more time to turn homework in. Kids can have homework scribed for them. Kids can turn in alternative projects (like a video explanation of a chemistry experiment instead of a written report).

Saying, "we refuse to modify homework for high level classes," is denying disabled students the opportunities available to non-disabled students.

Modified homework is absolutely an available accommodation. You might have to fight for it, but it is an option. Keep going up the chain and complaining if you are denied this kind of accommodation.

Signed, the mom of 2 different SN kids in magnet programs.

I have two special needs kids too but only one in advanced classes. I stand by what I said. You will never get a modification of no homework. You can get extended time. You can get tutors. But you won't get no homework.

[Anonymous]

Mine just graduated, but this battle was fought every year with little success. She even got AP scholar with honors award after 11grade. DC tested well, but gpa was nothing to write home about. She was right to take high level classes, it helped her in the end a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And what's your game plan here for college and life beyond in the work world? When does all this accommodating end, exactly?

These 24 year olds who've been propped up their entire academic career are a pain to manage when they discover that yes, they do have to deliver to the client on time without extra time, and no, we are not going to assign their pre-work to their office mate and double her work because Mr Accommodated has difficulty with all that organization

On the off chance this is a serious question and this person is not just nuts and open to learning more about special needs I'll take a stab at this.

Most people I know who had ADHD as children grew out of it in their 20s or became mature enough to come up with strategies to manage their time and get their work done. I can assure you that these people are highly successful in their chosen careers. There are a couple of parents I know who have told me they still have ADHD symptoms as adults but they chose careers that are a good match and play on their strengths and not their weaknesses. Remember that many people with ADHD can hyperfocus on things they are really interested in and in real life as a grown up you don't need to do anything involving English Lit if it bores the pants off you. You can CHOOSE to focus on computer programming, real estate or the environment or whatever actually moves you. So, no, getting accommodations in high school for ADHD will not doom you for life.

[Anonymous]

"And what's your game plan here for college and life beyond in the work world? When does all this accommodating end, exactly?

These 24 year olds who've been propped up their entire academic career are a pain to manage when they discover that yes, they do have to deliver to the client on time without extra time, and no, we are not going to assign their pre-work to their office mate and double her work because Mr Accommodated has difficulty with all that organization


So well said."

Don't be a jerk. There's a difference between providing a kid with an education and requiring a private sector employer to provide accommodations that are not in line with the law. Once someone gets his education, he can then decide what type of job would be a good fit for him. But that doesn't mean that we should deny a bright kid with disabilities the ability to learn to his potential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the things our high school did was provide parents with a list of expectations for each class that included how many hours of homework a day, how much writing was required, etc. They also had an evening program that I took my son to. When my son went through this phase, I put together a schedule of what his week would look like if he took the classes he was suggesting. He reached the conclusion that it wasn't realistic.

You will not get a modification of no homework for high level classes.

Wrong. In public school, it would be illegal to deny an accommodation for a high level class for a disabled student. (Probably in private school also, but there is more leeway there.) Modifications of homework can be done in many ways. Kids can do alternate problems. Kids can have more time to turn homework in. Kids can have homework scribed for them. Kids can turn in alternative projects (like a video explanation of a chemistry experiment instead of a written report).

Saying, "we refuse to modify homework for high level classes," is denying disabled students the opportunities available to non-disabled students.

Modified homework is absolutely an available accommodation. You might have to fight for it, but it is an option. Keep going up the chain and complaining if you are denied this kind of accommodation.

Signed, the mom of 2 different SN kids in magnet programs.

And what's your game plan here for college and life beyond in the work world? When does all this accommodating end, exactly?

These 24 year olds who've been propped up their entire academic career are a pain to manage when they discover that yes, they do have to deliver to the client on time without extra time, and no, we are not going to assign their pre-work to their office mate and double her work because Mr Accommodated has difficulty with all that organization

So well said.

It's sad that people still don't understand this.

Parents and the medical community have fought for decades to get laws enacted, such as IDEA, to serve children with special needs and get them to fulfill whatever potential they have.
As young adults, they will not be spoiled people who require accommodations, nor will helping them along in school make them unable to adapt in the real world.
On the contrary, children who would have been brow-beaten by the system and would have flunked out, gotten depressed or suicidal, now have the opportunity to show what they can do and go as far as they possibly can. Employment will be challenging for some of them, but teaching them about their disability/disorders, how to be self-aware and what their limits are, helps them to choose careers that work for them.

My son with severe ADHD has a gifted IQ. Without meds and extended time, he failed a grade. With meds and extended time, he's top in his class. He understands he won't be able to work at a job that requires super fast productivity, like a journalist working to a deadline. He's a born academic, just like his research scientist father - where deep thinking is what's needed, no matter how slow. There is no one size fits all in job opportunities and careers - you have to find what's right for you.