I don't think my husband respects me

[Anonymous]

Something minor happened the other day, and according to my son (teenager) my husband called me a "F-up" behind my back. Then, the other night we had some pretty major issues with our son, ongoing thing, and I was crying about it and he flat out mocked me in front of my son. It was unbelievably hurtful. In general there is a lot of eye rolling in my direction. Anyway, I really don't know what to do about it. In the past, if I tried to talk to him about these things he would say I was overly sensitive. I may be pretty sensitive, but if you know that about someone you love, don't you try to not do things like that? This may seem odd, but part of the dynamic is that my husband is a CEO, and while I am well -educated, I stepped away from my career after our third child was born, and now stay at home. There a quite a few issues with our kids, and my husband travels a lot, so this is the best arrangement and I don't plan to return to work, which he has been clear he doesn't want me to do. However, I do think the difference in our worlds plays a part in all of this. Advice welcome.

[Anonymous]

OP - Your DH is the fock up! And a terrible example for your kids! Hope you clean up when you finally divorce this jerk.

[Anonymous]

Look at the bright side. When you get divorced, you will get a big payout.

I think when we live in vastly different worlds we look down on each other. Doesn't matter what it is, when your lives are not relatable, it's trouble.

[Anonymous]

OP Thanks. I try to make it work, but this kind of stuff is eating at me. To be totally honest, my son has a lot of emotional issues, and I fear a divorce or separation would make his situation worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Thanks. I try to make it work, but this kind of stuff is eating at me. To be totally honest, my son has a lot of emotional issues, and I fear a divorce or separation would make his situation worse.

Tough it out with your asshole husband. When he gets old, stick him in a cheapo nursing home and NEVER visit him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something minor happened the other day, and according to my son (teenager) my husband called me a "F-up" behind my back. Then, the other night we had some pretty major issues with our son, ongoing thing, and I was crying about it and he flat out mocked me in front of my son. It was unbelievably hurtful. In general there is a lot of eye rolling in my direction. Anyway, I really don't know what to do about it. In the past, if I tried to talk to him about these things he would say I was overly sensitive. I may be pretty sensitive, but if you know that about someone you love, don't you try to not do things like that? This may seem odd, but part of the dynamic is that my husband is a CEO, and while I am well -educated, I stepped away from my career after our third child was born, and now stay at home. There a quite a few issues with our kids, and my husband travels a lot, so this is the best arrangement and I don't plan to return to work, which he has been clear he doesn't want me to do. However, I do think the difference in our worlds plays a part in all of this. Advice welcome.

Nope. That isn't minor. Calling you a f-up behind your back, mocking you in front of your son, and rolling his eyes in your direction? TOTAL disrespect. You need to tell him this is unacceptable behavior. He's teaching your sons how to treat women badly. Ug.

When he treats you like that you need to call him out. "Please don't roll your eyes at me" or "Please don't call me names" or "You are hurting me by mocking me like that" etc. etc. You'll be able to tell what to do by his reaction to you standing up for your dignity.

Ask him what is wrong that he is having problems respecting you in public.

YES. If you love somebody you don't do that. Sometimes it slips out, but that should be rare rare rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something minor happened the other day, and according to my son (teenager) my husband called me a "F-up" behind my back. Then, the other night we had some pretty major issues with our son, ongoing thing, and I was crying about it and he flat out mocked me in front of my son. It was unbelievably hurtful. In general there is a lot of eye rolling in my direction. Anyway, I really don't know what to do about it. In the past, if I tried to talk to him about these things he would say I was overly sensitive. I may be pretty sensitive, but if you know that about someone you love, don't you try to not do things like that? This may seem odd, but part of the dynamic is that my husband is a CEO, and while I am well -educated, I stepped away from my career after our third child was born, and now stay at home. There a quite a few issues with our kids, and my husband travels a lot, so this is the best arrangement and I don't plan to return to work, which he has been clear he doesn't want me to do. However, I do think the difference in our worlds plays a part in all of this. Advice welcome.

Nope. That isn't minor. Calling you a f-up behind your back, mocking you in front of your son, and rolling his eyes in your direction? TOTAL disrespect. You need to tell him this is unacceptable behavior. He's teaching your sons how to treat women badly. Ug.

When he treats you like that you need to call him out. "Please don't roll your eyes at me" or "Please don't call me names" or "You are hurting me by mocking me like that" etc. etc. You'll be able to tell what to do by his reaction to you standing up for your dignity.

Ask him what is wrong that he is having problems respecting you in public.

YES. If you love somebody you don't do that. Sometimes it slips out, but that should be rare rare rare.

Thanks. I agree. FWIW, I do call him on this. I told him the other night that while my parents had a very troubled marriage and my father was an alcoholic, I don't ever remember him saying something like she was an "F-up" or anything close to that or vice versa. He agreed that one was out of line, but the other behavior continues, though I call him on the eye rolling, etc. he will apologize but still do it. I think your point about asking him why he is having a hard time respecting me in public is a good one. In some ways, I am sure I don't really want the answer. I think he is unhappy at home, things are hard with our one child, and I get the sense he doesn't really want to be around much. It's hard for me too, and I wish I had a partner in all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something minor happened the other day, and according to my son (teenager) my husband called me a "F-up" behind my back. Then, the other night we had some pretty major issues with our son, ongoing thing, and I was crying about it and he flat out mocked me in front of my son. It was unbelievably hurtful. In general there is a lot of eye rolling in my direction. Anyway, I really don't know what to do about it. In the past, if I tried to talk to him about these things he would say I was overly sensitive. I may be pretty sensitive, but if you know that about someone you love, don't you try to not do things like that? This may seem odd, but part of the dynamic is that my husband is a CEO, and while I am well -educated, I stepped away from my career after our third child was born, and now stay at home. There a quite a few issues with our kids, and my husband travels a lot, so this is the best arrangement and I don't plan to return to work, which he has been clear he doesn't want me to do. However, I do think the difference in our worlds plays a part in all of this. Advice welcome.

Nope. That isn't minor. Calling you a f-up behind your back, mocking you in front of your son, and rolling his eyes in your direction? TOTAL disrespect. You need to tell him this is unacceptable behavior. He's teaching your sons how to treat women badly. Ug.

When he treats you like that you need to call him out. "Please don't roll your eyes at me" or "Please don't call me names" or "You are hurting me by mocking me like that" etc. etc. You'll be able to tell what to do by his reaction to you standing up for your dignity.

Ask him what is wrong that he is having problems respecting you in public.

YES. If you love somebody you don't do that. Sometimes it slips out, but that should be rare rare rare.

Thanks. I agree. FWIW, I do call him on this. I told him the other night that while my parents had a very troubled marriage and my father was an alcoholic, I don't ever remember him saying something like she was an "F-up" or anything close to that or vice versa. He agreed that one was out of line, but the other behavior continues, though I call him on the eye rolling, etc. he will apologize but still do it. I think your point about asking him why he is having a hard time respecting me in public is a good one. In some ways, I am sure I don't really want the answer. I think he is unhappy at home, things are hard with our one child, and I get the sense he doesn't really want to be around much. It's hard for me too, and I wish I had a partner in all of this.

This might be a series of very difficult conversations, and you might want to get the help of a counselor. But the sooner the better, because you are courting disaster right now.

[Anonymous]

Why does he think you are a "F up?"

[Anonymous]

But the money is good, amiright? DH must not be bad enough to get a job.

[Anonymous]

You think staying in a marriage in which you are constantly disrespected is going to help your son's issues. How do you know it is isn't making things worse? I'm sure it is certainly eroding your sense of self-esteem. How can you be strong and help your son and when you are constantly being disrespected. Sounds like emotional abuse.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean you "think" he doesn't respect you? He doesn't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But the money is good, amiright? DH must not be bad enough to get a job.

I debated responding, but I really enjoyed working and had a successful career. Our situation necessitated that one of us stay home.

[Anonymous]

Affair.

[Anonymous]

I'm really sorry you're going through this, OP. I'm a SAHM and doesn't sound like I was as successful as you before DH and I made the decision for me to stay home. That being said, he respects me as a spouse and makes sure our kids respect me as a mother. I think it's a red flag that your DH is behaving this way in front of your children. Even when DH and I fight, he doesn't try to tear me down. Your husband should respect your sacrifices, intelligence, and role in the family. I honestly think that any parent who speaks poorly about their partner to their children deserves the boot.