Dreading family get together
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Anonymous
| This weekend most of one side of my family is getting together for an informal family reunion and I am dreading it. They are a very narcissistic group of people-very status oriented and into name dropping, bragging, are obsessed with social media, etc. My husband, son and I are low key and really don't connect with the vast majority of family members. I don't have personal "beefs" with any of them-I just don't have much in common. However, they get under my skin and I end up allowing myself to feel badly because I don't feel like I fit in with them, they have more money than we do, etc. I feel ridiculous that I get so bothered by it. For various reasons, we have to go-I can't bow out. Any suggestions as to how to cope effectively and not let people get to me? I really don't want to be irritated or self flagellating the whole time? |
Anonymous
| This is the OP-the question mark at the end of the last sentence was a mistake (should have been a period). |
Anonymous
I learned a new word! 
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Anonymous
| Just stay detached and observe their antics. |
Anonymous
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Detach and give yourself a time limit. Or, if you have to stay overnight -- make a drinking game or bingo out of it. Every name drop - take a drink. Every gratuitous comment about wealth - take a drink.
Make your own bingo card and put it on your phone -- play all day with DH: https://appsolutelyapril.com/2015/07/21/create-a-custom-bingo-game-and-play-on-your-ipad-or-computer/ |
Anonymous
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I suggest figuring out a way to have some time to decompress/ take care of yourself after the event. The stress of worrying about a family event, being "on" during the event itself, and mentally going over things afterwards takes a toll.
I have realized that I can be tired or irritable for a few days afterwards and addressing it by taking some time to recover can be helpful. Good luck, OP! |
Anonymous
| Op use humor and sarcasm to overcome it. Make fun of them in their face when they get that way. I'll love pulling the, you know senator who, well I know Jesus personally, so yeah I'm more special and important than you. I love playing mind games with people like that. It's so fun to mess with narcissists. You should try it! You'll end up enjoying yourself. |
Anonymous
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I agree with the PP saying be sure to schedule some decompression time for yourself afterward.
Also, does this involve an overnight stay for your family? If so, is it possible to do it in a hotel and not in a relative's house? If you're already set to stay with a relative and can't reasonably do a hotel instead, be sure you have a reason to go to bed a bit early (and then watch something on whatever device you bring with you--a distracting movie in your own room with headphones on, if everyone else is up and yakking to all hours of the night). If you do get to stay in a hotel and your family, like some families, wants you back in the reunion fold bright and early the next day for breakfast etc., just plead that your son isn't an early riser or whatever, and don't rejoin the group until after breakfast. If this is a one-day affair, so you're not overnighting, will there be any activities at all during the day/evening? Is it just sitting around talking or does someone have anything organized--a trip to a local site of interest, a meal out that's not at someone's home, a game, throwing a ball outdoors, even a family walk--? Activities are a good distraction and let you focus your own attention, and draw others' attention, to things outside the normal "I've got money, I bought this, Kid did this amazing thing" conversations. It's hard to jaw about that stuff if everyone's touring someplace. If it is indeed a day of sitting around and yakking, I wouldn't meet them with snark or sarcasm. That only lowers you and it might be fun for a time but will quickly turn the whole group against you. Just nod a lot, practice saying "Mmm-hmm, that's good news" or whatever works, and offer to get your conversation partner a drink or snack; that lets you walk away at least for a few moments and provides a natural break after which you can return and introduce some neutral topic. You have my sympathies, OP. Since you really do have no beef with these folks, but they are tediously self-centered, it doesn't hurt to turn up and maintain some contact with them this way. They might be OK in other ways, or might be there for you someday. My own sibling is pretty self-centered, but I've learned that if I nudge the conversation toward other people we mutually know, and I have some news about how they're doing, he turns out to be pretty understanding, and will start asking questions about others rather than just talking about himself. It's shown me over the years that he can get off the topics of his house, his income, his business, connections, etc. if nudged. |
Anonymous
| You don't HAVE to go. There is no gun to your head. You CAN bow out; you choose not to. If you choose to go, suck it up and live your choice. |
Anonymous
Don't do this. This person is so irritating. Rise above. Say "that's nice" and walk away. They may just have terrible social skills and not know how else to interact. |
Anonymous
| So the real issue is they all have more money than you and you feel insecure and ashamed. The problem is you not them OP. Get over yourself. |
Anonymous
This. Think of ridiculous things that have been said in the past. Play a game where you "win" anytime someone one ups, or name drops, or says something snooty. You are an anthropologist observing a strange species of person and you must engage lightly and not interfere with their natural course of events. Making it a game is much more fun. I do this with my inlaws. How soon until MIL complains about the food? How soon until SIL blatantly ignores someone for her phone screen? How long until FIL mentions his weight and/or his diet? These things used to irritate me, but now I find them pretty amusing. |
Anonymous
This. Play Bingo. You win each time they status check you or name-drop. Half a point for their "looks." I also like to pretend I'm on a reality tv show and Andy Cohen will be doing a reunion show with all of us. I want to come off well to the audience. So I will smile serenely when a relative looks me up and down and then rolls their eyes and smirks. |
Anonymous
| Don't go. |
Anonymous
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You be the most charming you can possibly be. And keep the get-togethers to a minimum. |