Would you switch your kid's church/synagogue preschool in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Not from DC.

My religious community, which is far away from us, started a preschool last year. We wanted a faith-based school for our daughter and are really involved in the community, so we put her in, and I accepted a board position. The tuition was really too much but we applied for and got a scholarship by doing a very rigorous application with a ton of financial disclosures. The school started for 2-3 year olds, and she was a little young but they were operating under a variance at the time so they put her in the 2 year old class a few months early. We switched her away from a perfectly good school that we liked and that was much more convenient and a bit more affordable, out of desire to support the religious community.

That was a year ago. In general everything is fine, and if it were a convenient/affordable school we would not be considering switching. But to be honest, I expected better in a number of respects, one of which is that they are planning on holding her back and repeating the 2 year old class again, which will likely cause her potty training to regress and she's verbally way more advanced than the new 2 year olds. And the commute is worse than I expected--about 30 minutes one way in the morning and can be up to 45 in the afternoon, meaning that between the two of us DH and I are in the car for over 2 hours a day. Also, the board is a bit dysfunctional and the dynamic makes me nervous--not that this affects my kid's day to day, but there's this undercurrent of, is this place going to make it? And air of anxiety that I just don't think is helpful.

The main reasons not to switch are (1) more transition for DD - after we already switched her a year ago. (2) we care about the faith-based aspect of the school, and the alternative school is a secular school (but we would have a lot more time and money to give her religious education if we switched). (3) it could get awkward with me being on the board and us being so involved in the community, but I would offer to stay on the board or leave as they preferred.

Thanks all!

[Anonymous]

I'd switch out of it. It doesn't seem worth it. She can learn her faith at home, later in childhood, etc.

[Anonymous]

Why are they holding her back? Age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are they holding her back? Age?

In theory yes, though they are just being really weird about the whole thing. They claim that they think it would be better for her, and their reasons are puzzling to me. They say she tends to get frustrated more often (though not having behavioral PROBLEMS) and gets into conflicts with other kids more often (well yes, that's kind of what we want to happen so she can learn how to work them out). The only actual example they gave of this was that she couldn't use a pair of scissors and was upset about it (which is probably going to be easier for her when she's 3/almost 3 anyway) and that she talks about her observations more with adults when she is around the younger kids (not unexpected given that the other kids are not verbal yet).

It's not the end of the world, just not something I'm willing to drive 2 hours a day and pay too much for, you know?

[Anonymous]

At two she should not know how to use scissors. I would not keep her there.

[Anonymous]

There is a HUGE difference in developmemt between a kid who is still two and not yet potty trained and 3-4 year olds.

The school is probably too polite to be honest with you that your toddler is very different developmentally than her preschool classmates.

Let her do the age appropriate class next year. If she is as bright as you seem to think it will not hold her back.

Besides, you are saying that kids her same age or a few months younger are problematic for her, yet your un potty trained toddler who might be more than a year younger than the 4 year olds belongs with the older kids who should be prepping for K.

It takes a lot more attention to manage a two year old, even an advanced two year old than it does a four year old.

She needs to be with her age group.

[Anonymous]

I would leave skid marks to get out of there. No way would I commute 30 or 45 minutes for *preschool*.

[Anonymous]

I don't think the transition would be too much to go back to the other preschool or to a different one. I think your objective reasons, commute time and cost, are enough to make a decision.

The decision by the current preschool to keep her in the 2s class is probably sensible, especially considering if her birthday is before or after the cutoff for K -- she's going to be the youngest or the oldest, and better to repeat a 2s year than a 4s year, IMO. I don't know about using scissors, I wouldn't expect a 2 year old or 3 year old to use them proficiently, although some 3 year olds can. And working out the kinks of a brand new school, getting the teachers settled, the board settled, etc., I wouldn't be surprised by some behind-the-scenes drama, but that wouldn't put me off the school if I liked it, otherwise.

I think deciding to go or stay is fine, but I think you may need to adjust your expectations for preschool and for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

1. Too expensive
2. Too long of a commute
3. You aren't WOWed by the program

Leave. No question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a HUGE difference in developmemt between a kid who is still two and not yet potty trained and 3-4 year olds.

The school is probably too polite to be honest with you that your toddler is very different developmentally than her preschool classmates.

Let her do the age appropriate class next year. If she is as bright as you seem to think it will not hold her back.

Besides, you are saying that kids her same age or a few months younger are problematic for her, yet your un potty trained toddler who might be more than a year younger than the 4 year olds belongs with the older kids who should be prepping for K.

It takes a lot more attention to manage a two year old, even an advanced two year old than it does a four year old.

She needs to be with her age group.

To be clear, the older class has kids who are barely 3 in it as well, and I think the oldest kid would turn 4 in December. She is on the borderline of age, I'm not asking her to be put in pre-K

[Anonymous]

Op, you are allowed a preference. It's a preference. And, by the way, it's a long parenting road ahead - get comfortable with you as boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the transition would be too much to go back to the other preschool or to a different one. I think your objective reasons, commute time and cost, are enough to make a decision.

The decision by the current preschool to keep her in the 2s class is probably sensible, especially considering if her birthday is before or after the cutoff for K -- she's going to be the youngest or the oldest, and better to repeat a 2s year than a 4s year, IMO. I don't know about using scissors, I wouldn't expect a 2 year old or 3 year old to use them proficiently, although some 3 year olds can. And working out the kinks of a brand new school, getting the teachers settled, the board settled, etc., I wouldn't be surprised by some behind-the-scenes drama, but that wouldn't put me off the school if I liked it, otherwise.

I think deciding to go or stay is fine, but I think you may need to adjust your expectations for preschool and for your daughter.

All of those reasons are reasonable - and frankly if it were a larger school with more kids I wouldn't worry at all about the developmental thing because there would at least be some kids who would be close to her development-wise. It just so happens that there aren't here... and I don't want to pay too much and drive too far for something that's just ok.

To be clear about the scissors it wasn't that she didn't know how to use them, it was just their best example of "she gets more frustrated with the older kid activities."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are allowed a preference. It's a preference. And, by the way, it's a long parenting road ahead - get comfortable with you as boss.

I'm not sure what you mean by any of this... are you saying that the school doesn't have any obligation to adhere to my preference? I totally agree, and if the school were convenient/not so expensive I wouldn't take her out just for the placement reason for sure. I don't get the "you as boss" thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the transition would be too much to go back to the other preschool or to a different one. I think your objective reasons, commute time and cost, are enough to make a decision.

The decision by the current preschool to keep her in the 2s class is probably sensible, especially considering if her birthday is before or after the cutoff for K -- she's going to be the youngest or the oldest, and better to repeat a 2s year than a 4s year, IMO. I don't know about using scissors, I wouldn't expect a 2 year old or 3 year old to use them proficiently, although some 3 year olds can. And working out the kinks of a brand new school, getting the teachers settled, the board settled, etc., I wouldn't be surprised by some behind-the-scenes drama, but that wouldn't put me off the school if I liked it, otherwise.

I think deciding to go or stay is fine, but I think you may need to adjust your expectations for preschool and for your daughter.

All of those reasons are reasonable - and frankly if it were a larger school with more kids I wouldn't worry at all about the developmental thing because there would at least be some kids who would be close to her development-wise. It just so happens that there aren't here... and I don't want to pay too much and drive too far for something that's just ok.

To be clear about the scissors it wasn't that she didn't know how to use them, it was just their best example of "she gets more frustrated with the older kid activities."

Don't push her. Find her another 2s class in another preschool that's cheaper and closer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are allowed a preference. It's a preference. And, by the way, it's a long parenting road ahead - get comfortable with you as boss.

+1