Divorce and the Dream Retirement Location

[Anonymous]

I will be divorced within a few months and am in my early 50s. I had been married just over 30 years ... learned my husband had been cheating on me the entire time (with a man no less).

So. We had always dreamed of retiring to a lovely island in the SC low country. It is an island populated by seemingly happy retired couples. I still long to retire there in another 8-10 years, but I wonder how it will be to be single in a community of couples. For those already retired and living in such a community, do you have any advice for me?

I am not even sure what my hesitation is. Are singles welcomed? Will I be odd woman out all the time? Maybe by then I will be more used to being single and these thoughts will seem completely ridiculous. Definitely not what I envisioned for my golden years.

[Anonymous]

You don't know that you will be single in 8-10 years. It may be hard to imagine right now, but there may very well be another long term relationship, if maybe not a marriage, in your future. Deal with the immediate impact of your divorce and try not to worry about the future beyond taking care of your financial interests. The rest will sort itself out over time.

[Anonymous]

In 8-10 years, you could be remarried. Or some of the people in those happy couples could have dropped dead from a heart attack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't know that you will be single in 8-10 years. It may be hard to imagine right now, but there may very well be another long term relationship, if maybe not a marriage, in your future. Deal with the immediate impact of your divorce and try not to worry about the future beyond taking care of your financial interests. The rest will sort itself out over time.

+1 Also, check out Fairhope, AL as a possible place to retire. It's a lovely small coastal town with a great mix of retirees and locals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In 8-10 years, you could be remarried. Or some of the people in those happy couples could have dropped dead from a heart attack.

Well, neither one of those possibilities are very happy ones.

[Anonymous]

My parents lived in a similar community in coastal NC where the vast majority of people were retired and coupled. It was very difficult for a single woman. Widows (who had moved there with their husbands) faired better as they had already established their social circle, but many still moved back to be closer to children. Widowers had their pick.

[Anonymous]

Don't give up your dream, you may just have to shift it to another location in 8-10 years. I have been divorced for 7 years (59) and my dream place keeps shifting with my interests, and less upon a social life with other couples since that all but disappeared with my separation. Plus I am now less tolerant of couples and their dynamics now that I am in charge of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be divorced within a few months and am in my early 50s. I had been married just over 30 years ... learned my husband had been cheating on me the entire time (with a man no less).

So. We had always dreamed of retiring to a lovely island in the SC low country. It is an island populated by seemingly happy retired couples. I still long to retire there in another 8-10 years, but I wonder how it will be to be single in a community of couples. For those already retired and living in such a community, do you have any advice for me?

I am not even sure what my hesitation is. Are singles welcomed? Will I be odd woman out all the time? Maybe by then I will be more used to being single and these thoughts will seem completely ridiculous. Definitely not what I envisioned for my golden years.

Sorry about this. How did you finally figure this out? Did you suspect at all? How are you emotionally?

[Anonymous]

I know of a coastal community you would love, Habersham near Beaufort, SC. It's a new development so all transplants and extremely social. The homes are beautiful and plenty to do. It would be a terrific retirement spot. Also nice that it's not only retirees. The development has its own marsh docks, community gardens, restaurants, specialty markets etc. is also around ten minutes from downtown Beaufort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be divorced within a few months and am in my early 50s. I had been married just over 30 years ... learned my husband had been cheating on me the entire time (with a man no less).

So. We had always dreamed of retiring to a lovely island in the SC low country. It is an island populated by seemingly happy retired couples. I still long to retire there in another 8-10 years, but I wonder how it will be to be single in a community of couples. For those already retired and living in such a community, do you have any advice for me?

I am not even sure what my hesitation is. Are singles welcomed? Will I be odd woman out all the time? Maybe by then I will be more used to being single and these thoughts will seem completely ridiculous. Definitely not what I envisioned for my golden years.

Sorry about this. How did you finally figure this out? Did you suspect at all? How are you emotionally?

OP here. I always knew he was lying to me about his whereabouts and activities. But because the lies never seemed to be about women, I figured it was odd behavior but not a threat to our marriage. Learning that he was bisexual cast all the lies in a completely new light ... it was the key that opened one thousand locks. It is a shocking revelation, obviously, and has completely tainted past happy memories, destroyed the present, and completely changed my future dreams. Taking immediate action to remove him from my life has been the most helpful in regaining my emotional health. Years and years of lying was effecting me more than I realized, so having him gone has improved life in many unexpected ways.

Thanks to all for the location suggestions ... I will check them out! Ironically, I already live just outside of Fairhope and I agree it is lovely. But it is too far from my family and many friends so I would very much like to move "back north" when I can.

[Invictus]

Brevard County, Florida(Space Coast, as in Cape Canaveral).