Does counseling make me weak?

[Anonymous]

I am a man in a shitty marriage. I believe my wife has lost attraction for me, and views me as weak. She is professionally accomplished, and I have been a stay-at-home dad, based on our own joint decision that it would best for the kids. That was a huge adjustment for me but I'm so glad I did it and got that time with my kids. But now it seems she is a million miles from me. We have drifted apart, and I feel like she has lost respect for me. I feel she is attracted to ambition and professional accomplishment, which of course I have put aside to be home with our kids. I fear she sees me as weak, which pisses me off since I have done so much and worked my ass off for the kids. I am at the end of my rope and I want to talk to a counselor, but then I think... will she think I am weak if I need to talk to a counselor? Should I even care what she thinks at this point? Should I just go without letting her know?

[Anonymous]

You're not weak.

You shouldn't care what she thinks.

Tell her or not. What feels better to you.

I can relate. Good luck.

-a sahd with an accomplished wife

[Anonymous]

1. you're assuming you know how she views you, but you don't know. what if you're wrong? I'm attracted to blonde guys. my husband has brown hair. I'm very attracted to him despite that.

2. no, counseling doesn't make you weak.

P.S. I know several stay-at-home-dads. I don't view them as weak, but they've all had side projects not involving the kids. One revitalized an abandoned library, one wrote a book, one started a non-profit, etc.

[Anonymous]

You did a wonderful thing by sacrificing your career to take some time off to be a full-time father.

If she doesn't appreciate all you have done for her + the family at this point, then she is just a very selfish and naïve person.

She should be appreciating how lucky she is that her husband is such a keeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not weak.

You shouldn't care what she thinks.

We project to others how to see us...if you care about her seeing you as weak - if you get your sense of self from that - she will see you as weak. If you pretty much see yourself as a guy who sacrificed and worked his ass off for his kids, and see that as strong, and reject her judgement of you, then she will see you as strong. Strong==self-validation/confidence.

I'm doubtful she sees you as weak though.

See a counselor - you don't have to necessarily tell her - but there is no shame in it. Owning up to needing help takes balls and real guts.

[Anonymous]

Not at all. It makes you mentally strong, the opposite of weak. People who don't deal with their issues, make dumb choices because they are weak.

[Anonymous]

No, it doesn't.

And honestly, even if it did, what have you got to lose? Could you be worse off? It doesn't sound like it.

[Anonymous]

No shame in getting help.

[Anonymous]

Counseling makes you more mentally healthy. Which is always stronger, no matter what she thinks.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry for your situation. While your situation is kind of unique, it is to be applauded that you and your wife came to this decision for the kids. Please seek a counselor's advice. It is not weak to look for professional advice. He will help you determine where your marriage went off track and how to work at getting it back. I hope that it works out for you!

[Anonymous]

Counseling never makes a person weak. On the contrary, it takes tremendous strength.

[Anonymous]

Choosing to sweep your problems under the rug goes nowhere. Choosing therapy to see if you can change things is moving towards growth- admitting you need to grow is never weak.

[Anonymous]

Yup, welcome to the stay-at-home parent's life. Most of us are seen as weaker than our working spouses.
The issue is whether the working spouse acknowledges how much work you've done to make this family happy, and whether that's a turn-on or a turn-off.
I would try to have a serious series of discussions with her before stepping in to a counselor's office, because the risk is that you might run into a few bad ones. Do it only if nothing else has worked.