furious that we can't seem to get out of this trip

[Anonymous]

We're supposed to spend a week with my ILs at the end of July. We initially had plans in early July, but when the late July trip came up, we cancelled the first trip, b/c it was too much money and time with them. MIL insisted on paying for all of us to go on the first trip. DH couldn't object. So that's a total of almost 2 weeks out of July that we'll be spending with them.

I'm pissed. I work 6 - 7 days a week and I work really long hours and have been looking forward to July for months because I know it's going to be slow for me work wise and I wanted to spend the time with my family. But it seems that every single break I get I end up being with my in-laws. Although at times we have a good time with them, my MIL and SIL are really passive aggressive towards me and talk about me behind my back, they hint that I'm not a good wife or mom, so I really just try NOT to see them, but I'm failing at it for this exact reason. They constantly pressure us to get together and they insist on paying when we try to avoid it, and then they lay guilt trips about the money or how we didn't buy so and so a good father's day gift or what the fuck ever.

I'm mad that my husband didn't put his foot down, especially because after discussing the issue a few weeks ago, he had made it seem like he was going to get us out of it. I just found out a few minutes ago that he was too chicken to go against his mom. I'm pissed.

[Anonymous]

Paying for it shouldn't have mattered. You and DH are going to have to give them a couple hard "no"s so they start to grasp that you can't be manipulated.

What to say: "It's not the money, it's the time. We need some time just as our little family. We're sure you understand."

And however much they bluster keep to your plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Paying for it shouldn't have mattered. You and DH are going to have to give them a couple hard "no"s so they start to grasp that you can't be manipulated.

What to say: "It's not the money, it's the time. We need some time just as our little family. We're sure you understand."

And however much they bluster keep to your plans.

I agree. But what do I do when DH doesn't have the cahunas to say that?

I'm tempted to stay behind and keep DC with me, but then I feel like they think I'm a worse wife/mom.

[Anonymous]

No advice, I just relate. Deeply.

[Anonymous]

Who cares what they think? Do what's best for you and your family.

By the way, if my husband told me we'd be vacationing with his family twice in one month, I'd fall out of my chair laughing.

Just don't do it, OP! JUST DON'T. Let him take DC on his own--and watch how fast he will never vacation without you again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Paying for it shouldn't have mattered. You and DH are going to have to give them a couple hard "no"s so they start to grasp that you can't be manipulated.

What to say: "It's not the money, it's the time. We need some time just as our little family. We're sure you understand."

And however much they bluster keep to your plans.

I agree. But what do I do when DH doesn't have the cahunas to say that?

I'm tempted to stay behind and keep DC with me, but then I feel like they think I'm a worse wife/mom.

What about YOUR cajones? Nut up and YOU tell HIM "no way"!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Paying for it shouldn't have mattered. You and DH are going to have to give them a couple hard "no"s so they start to grasp that you can't be manipulated.

What to say: "It's not the money, it's the time. We need some time just as our little family. We're sure you understand."

And however much they bluster keep to your plans.

I agree. But what do I do when DH doesn't have the cahunas to say that?

I'm tempted to stay behind and keep DC with me, but then I feel like they think I'm a worse wife/mom.

What about YOUR cajones? Nut up and YOU tell HIM "no way"!

oh trust me. I"ve tried. he'll be sleeping on the couch tonight, I've been very upset. I've debated a hotel room even....

[Anonymous]

Just back out of one trip and tell them something came up at work. Make DH take the kid(s).

[Anonymous]

Agree that you should bail on the trip and let DH take your child and go without you.

[Anonymous]

How old is your kid OP?

[Anonymous]

They paid for the first trip?

Cancel your reservations for the second trip and book a family (nuclear) trip somewhere else that week.

It is worth flight change fees.

[Anonymous]

I finally just told MIL "No.. we won't be going." And we haven't gone since. (An annual thing she figures everyone needs to make a priority) She spent about half an hour blathering on about how "if she" was in our position, she wouldn't do X, Y, or Z so we could be at the annual thing. I smiled and said "but you aren't making those decisions, we are. "

You tell her. Then it's been said. If your dh thinks he should still go then he can go.

[Anonymous]

Don't. Go.

He can take your child on his own.

He can pack the bags. Travel with a child. Deal with his family on his own. Spend sleepless nights. And he will return, and he will never want to travel solo with a kid again, so he will say no to his family when needed!

[Anonymous]

OP here. The problem is that I want to see my child. I'm okay with him going, but not with DC.. He's furious about this now.

[Anonymous]

This is why I sit next to DH while he is on the phone with his parents when he has to tell them something they don't want to hear. He is better about breaking bad news, but in the past he has chickened out about stuff. I would be livid and have him call his mother immediately and explain the situation. You are exhausted and over worked and thanks very much for the offer, but you will not be going on (x) trip and you're looking forward to (y) trip. Offer to reimburse them for any deposits they've lost.