How long should I give it to decide if the new nanny is working out?

[Anonymous]

We hired a new nanny ten weeks ago. It's been a bit traumatic because my children, my son in particular, was very attached to the previous nanny. Not only was she a family member of his first nanny ( so he had known her and it was an easy transition) she was with us for nearly three years and that's half his life. but my husband and I decided she had to go. She was fine when they were toddlers but as they got older she just ran out of gas. Despite my explicit intructions, the TV was always on when we came home, there was no reading going on, she never followed my instructions to help them practice their instruments and she never lifted a finger around the house. after months of searching we finally found a new nanny whom we all liked..she does not have that much child care experience but she is smart, educated, tech savvy and energetic , flexible and attentive. BUT now my son cannot stand her and we aren't sure why. he calls her names and clearly sad when she is around. I have no idea why. my daughter does not seem to have these issues (they are twins) and I have asked them what's wrong and their teachers to be on the lookout for anything amiss . The teachers confirmed that his demeanor changed when she was mentioned but they could never get to the bottom of it eitehr. Should I just pull the plug? i don't want my son to think he has so much power to run our household BUT I also think maybe there's something wrong he just cannot articulate. I am really stumped here. any advice would be very much appreciated.

[Anonymous]

How old is your son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your son?

3.5 = 1/2 his life
3.5 = 1/2 z
z = 3.5 x 2
z = 7

[Anonymous]

I think there's a balance between letting your child run the household and letting him know that his feelings matter. If his teachers also sensed that something is off - I would consider switching nannies. Something does not seem right. Maybe the nanny favors the girl more than the boy? If it's been 10 weeks, I think that should've been enough time to make the transition to a new nanny (and that this isn't just about missing the old nanny).

[Anonymous]

Your children have already had too many primary caregivers.

I wonder how your new nanny is so tech savvy, other than being online quite a bit?

See if the old nanny would be willing to come back?
Get rid of the tv.
Get a housekeeper to clean the house.

[Anonymous]

This should be posted over on the nanny forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your son?

3.5 = 1/2 his life
3.5 = 1/2 z
z = 3.5 x 2
z = 7

Where are you getting the 3.5? There was a first nanny, for indeterminate length of time. Then the loved second nanny for "almost 3 years," which is "half is life."

Anyway, I was just trying to figure out if he was in kindergarten, since that's often a tough transition year for a boy anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP, If you think that getting rid of the tv might be too extreme, than you are not serious about your stated concerns.

[Anonymous]

I think I would pull the plug. If your DS is school age, can you enroll him in an afterschool program instead? that way you are sure there is no TV and that thre is accountability/cross checking to make sure all is okay.

[Anonymous]

I think after 2.5 months there's probably a personality issue involved that may not resolve even if he learns to behave better towards her.

The reality is that even with a great nanny and a great child (or set of children) not everyone is going to bond with or like the other.

Some people simply don't get along, and that's true of any relationship including nanny/child.

It doesn't mean the nanny did or is doing anything wrong, she may be perfect in every sense of the word...but if your child hasn't bonded with her and is actively hostile/upset by her presence than I'd say for the sake of everyone involved you need to give the nanny a lot of notice and do what you can to help her find a new position and move on.

That said- do NOT, and i repeat, do NOT tell the child it's because of how they felt/responded to her/etc. THAT will give him the power, and you may find he suddenly starts reacting badly to any caregiver he dislikes or even making up lies about them to control the situation. Trust me, even young school aged children are more intelligent and manipulative than we tend to give them credit for. You're shooting yourself in the foot to give him that power at an age where he cannot possibly be expected to handle it responsibly. Many adults don't even handle that power well.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. Kids can be resistant to the new nanny when they were so bonded with the old one. Can your son tell you what the problem is exactly? Is she just not as nice as the former one? Is he resisting bonding with the new one? I think the change resisting is just a personality thing. Some people are better at change than others.

If someone changed one of the biggest things in my life, I would be pretty mad too. I think nanny switching is similar to moving and changing schools for kids. Ask your children what they want to do and give them some control in the situation. If he or his sister cannot answer you, it may be a personality issue. Listen to what they would prefer and make a decision together.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he doesn't like that the new nanny is laying down the law by forbidding tv, enforcing homeowrk and reading, etc. Does your daughter have any insight?

[Anonymous]

How about a nanny cam to peek in on them? It is your children to consider. I had a nanny with my baby, and my baby didn't like her at all. I watched them on the nanny cam, and my nanny didn't do anything wrong, but my baby just cried and cried when the nanny was there. Luckily for me, the nanny quit because she needed more hours. I was about to have to fire her because I couldn't have my baby so unhappy all the time. It's just hard for us to say what you should do in this situation because no one really knows why your son isn't happy. It does seem like he should have adjusted by now though.

[Anonymous]

I agree on the nannycam. I think you need to find out whether there is a valid reason for your son not to like her or if it's just a case of not liking the nanny who won't let him watch tv all day. If it's the latter, firing her and getting a new nanny won't help you (or him).

[Sabray]

Your son is probably reacting to the shock of getting a new nanny. And boys do react very differently than girls. He may feel betrayed that the other nanny left and so on.

DO NOT hire another nanny...Give it time.

Talk to your Nanny...OPEN communication with your Nanny is key and should be mutual on both sides. Ask her what she thinks and how she feels as well. It is not an easy thing to come in as a new nanny to children who have been with another nanny prior.

Kids form great bonds with nannies...After all they are a key/major part part in raising and caring for your children. Love, trust and so on is built just as it is with parents.

And although your son is young TALK to him..Help him figure out what is going on, how he feels...

Help your son and the nanny find some things they may have in common...

I am the mother of two girls and one son...I have also worked as a nanny and specialize in early childhood development. I am happy to offer help if you would like to contact me directly......