A friend is posting very personal stuff on Facebook

[Anonymous]

She posted something about regretting her one night stands now that's she's a Christian. Another post lecturing people to save sex for marriage. And a third post about being raped in college. I remember that night because she left me at a club alone to leave with some random guy and it was like 9:30pm when she left. We didn't even have drinks!I found out hours later when she called me to tell me that she left. This is the first time I am hearing about rape and we're now in our thirties. I'm not sure how to respond. She's never really been active on Facebook until recently. Any words of advice? Would these posts hurt her in anyway when she is looking for employment?

[Anonymous]

I guess she's processing stuff in her own way. Depending on her age and the line of work she's in those types of lists could definitely hurt her some day, but I'm sure she's done that math. All of that preaching would probably cause me to hide her from my timeline for a while.

[Anonymous]

I think if you wanted to say something to her, the safest way would be to frame it how you have here in terms of her work.

Something like "My company just revised its social media policy - with all these new platforms, it's so hard to keep up. It's got to be tough when you're job hunting - making sure your privacy settings are enough that potential employers checking your social media presence won't see anything you don't want them to?"

That way you aren't criticizing what she's posting, but making sure she is aware that there may be potential consequences.

[Anonymous]

You should DM her and see if she wants to talk about anything over the phone. And if you do get to talk to her over the phone, tell her to set strong privacy setting on her FB account because while what she said was important, she should also be aware that there are bad people out there who can use that type of information to hurt her.

[Anonymous]

If the postings are Public, then yes they could cast her in an unfavorable light for a future potential employer.

This stuff is not for Facebook at all.
It's much too personal & heavy to announce to such a large group of people.

Most people would be extremely uncomfortable hearing that kind of stuff.

[Anonymous]

People are entitled to be open about their stuff. They should just know that not everyone out there appreciates such candor.

[Anonymous]

Dunno, if it were me and she was a friend, I would want to talk to her about the night she was raped out of concern for her, and because you were there. I would think that worth of about her employment prospects would be a distant, distant second. You sound like you are still kind of annoyed with her about her behavior that night though, so maybe don't get in touch unless you can be compassionate about it.

[Anonymous]

*worries about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dunno, if it were me and she was a friend, I would want to talk to her about the night she was raped out of concern for her, and because you were there. I would think that worth of about her employment prospects would be a distant, distant second. You sound like you are still kind of annoyed with her about her behavior that night though, so maybe don't get in touch unless you can be compassionate about it.

I reached out to her yesterday on the phone and she said everything is cool. She also posted this morning about how she's fine and she will continue posting about personal experiences. She suggested people not read if they are uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dunno, if it were me and she was a friend, I would want to talk to her about the night she was raped out of concern for her, and because you were there. I would think that worth of about her employment prospects would be a distant, distant second. You sound like you are still kind of annoyed with her about her behavior that night though, so maybe don't get in touch unless you can be compassionate about it.

I reached out to her yesterday on the phone and she said everything is cool. She also posted this morning about how she's fine and she will continue posting about personal experiences. She suggested people not read if they are uncomfortable.

This may be harsh but in that case, if she's fine and isn't asking for help but just wants to put this stuff out there, I would hide her from my feed but not unfriend her. My reading the awful things she's been through doesn't help her and if she doesn't want to talk about it, there is no reason for me to read it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She posted something about regretting her one night stands now that's she's a Christian. Another post lecturing people to save sex for marriage. And a third post about being raped in college. I remember that night because she left me at a club alone to leave with some random guy and it was like 9:30pm when she left. We didn't even have drinks!I found out hours later when she called me to tell me that she left. This is the first time I am hearing about rape and we're now in our thirties. I'm not sure how to respond. She's never really been active on Facebook until recently. Any words of advice? Would these posts hurt her in anyway when she is looking for employment?

The Stanford case has brought up a lot of feelings for some rape victims. I think for some they feel courage to speak their truth after reading the woman's incredibly courageous victim statement from the trial. She's in her 30's, she hardly needs a lecture on how to process her feelings and what she should/shouldn't share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She posted something about regretting her one night stands now that's she's a Christian. Another post lecturing people to save sex for marriage. And a third post about being raped in college. I remember that night because she left me at a club alone to leave with some random guy and it was like 9:30pm when she left. We didn't even have drinks!I found out hours later when she called me to tell me that she left. This is the first time I am hearing about rape and we're now in our thirties. I'm not sure how to respond. She's never really been active on Facebook until recently. Any words of advice? Would these posts hurt her in anyway when she is looking for employment?

The Stanford case has brought up a lot of feelings for some rape victims. I think for some they feel courage to speak their truth after reading the woman's incredibly courageous victim statement from the trial. She's in her 30's, she hardly needs a lecture on how to process her feelings and what she should/shouldn't share.

She's also posting about her promiscuous life before she apparently found God. It's just too much. And she wonders why people in college stopped talking to her because she's crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She posted something about regretting her one night stands now that's she's a Christian. Another post lecturing people to save sex for marriage. And a third post about being raped in college. I remember that night because she left me at a club alone to leave with some random guy and it was like 9:30pm when she left. We didn't even have drinks!I found out hours later when she called me to tell me that she left. This is the first time I am hearing about rape and we're now in our thirties. I'm not sure how to respond. She's never really been active on Facebook until recently. Any words of advice? Would these posts hurt her in anyway when she is looking for employment?

The Stanford case has brought up a lot of feelings for some rape victims. I think for some they feel courage to speak their truth after reading the woman's incredibly courageous victim statement from the trial. She's in her 30's, she hardly needs a lecture on how to process her feelings and what she should/shouldn't share.

She's also posting about her promiscuous life before she apparently found God. It's just too much. And she wonders why people in college stopped talking to her because she's crazy.

So defriend her. It doesn't sound like you're really a friend to her, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dunno, if it were me and she was a friend, I would want to talk to her about the night she was raped out of concern for her, and because you were there. I would think that worth of about her employment prospects would be a distant, distant second. You sound like you are still kind of annoyed with her about her behavior that night though, so maybe don't get in touch unless you can be compassionate about it.

I reached out to her yesterday on the phone and she said everything is cool. She also posted this morning about how she's fine and she will continue posting about personal experiences. She suggested people not read if they are uncomfortable.

While that may be her suggestion, since it IS public, why would she think potential employers wouldn't read it? People are nuts. If social media like Facebook and MySpace didn't exist, what would she do, scream about herself and her experiences on the street corner?

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[Anonymous]

It sounds as if she is very damaged/traumatized, poor woman. I think you can definitely bring up how publicizing this is further damaging for her, but also go to the root of the problem - it's a cry for help! This person needs urgent psychiatric help.