What to do about having her GF sleep over?

[Anonymous]

My almost 13 year old has recently come out, I'm fine with it. She has a girlfriend, very nice girl, same age.

WWYD if the kids want to have a sleep over? I wouldn't let my DD have a boyfriend sleep over at this age. Probably not til college actually.

I have let other girls sleep over, with whom my DD does not have a romantic relationship. Just this past weekend a platonic friend slept over actually.....

I don't think the two girls are sexually active but, parents are not always correct about that, right? So,

Do you let your gay 13 year old kid have their romantic interest sleep over? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I think you have your answer right here:

WWYD if the kids want to have a sleep over? I wouldn't let my DD have a boyfriend sleep over at this age. Probably not til college actually.

[Anonymous]

Yes, regardless of gender, I would not permit my child's romantic interest to sleep over before college.

[Anonymous]

I have a DD about the same age as yours who is a lesbian too. It hasn't come up because DD doesn't much like sleepovers, but I'm pretty sure I'd say no and shed respect that. We have considered that she could try to hide a relationship in order to be allowed sleepovers, but I hope she'd be more respectful than that.

[Anonymous]

I would not allow it. Treat them the same, regardless whether gay or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not allow it. Treat them the same, regardless whether gay or not.

Agree

[Anonymous]

Friend who is a girl, sure. Separate room. Romantic interest, no.

[Anonymous]

Between 13 and 16, there is a lot of same sex activity. Even if both are straight and are interested in the opposite sex, there'll be a lot of hormones and a willing partner in your basement at night, and things are going to happen. It's part of growing up. I know my 15 yo went from losing any interest in sleepovers after about 9 or 10 to suddenly there are a lot more with DC's same sex friends. It's harmless for the most part, but you need to be realistic about what they are doing down there in the basement.

[Anonymous]

I slept over my girlfriend's house a lot at age 15. Her parents didn't mind and apparently it didn't count for mine. Definitely lots of hanky panky (I.e., lesbian sex ), but what's it hurt? I think it maaaay be slightly different because the risk of life changing stupid decisions is much lower for teen lesbians. I don't think respectful sexual experimentation is a bad thing in teen relationships, I just wouldn't trust any teen to practice safe sex consistently.

TL;DR - I would probably allow it bc I'm concerned with pregnancy and STDs, not the sex itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I slept over my girlfriend's house a lot at age 15. Her parents didn't mind and apparently it didn't count for mine. Definitely lots of hanky panky (I.e., lesbian sex ), but what's it hurt? I think it maaaay be slightly different because the risk of life changing stupid decisions is much lower for teen lesbians. I don't think respectful sexual experimentation is a bad thing in teen relationships, I just wouldn't trust any teen to practice safe sex consistently.

TL;DR - I would probably allow it bc I'm concerned with pregnancy and STDs, not the sex itself.

I would be concerned about the sex when we are talking about a 12 year old. Also, I wouldn't set double standards just because one can't get pregnant. Lesbians can and do get STDs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Between 13 and 16, there is a lot of same sex activity. Even if both are straight and are interested in the opposite sex, there'll be a lot of hormones and a willing partner in your basement at night, and things are going to happen. It's part of growing up. I know my 15 yo went from losing any interest in sleepovers after about 9 or 10 to suddenly there are a lot more with DC's same sex friends. It's harmless for the most part, but you need to be realistic about what they are doing down there in the basement.

I never hooked up with any of my friends who are girls at sleepovers.

In any event, I wouldn't allow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Between 13 and 16, there is a lot of same sex activity. Even if both are straight and are interested in the opposite sex, there'll be a lot of hormones and a willing partner in your basement at night, and things are going to happen. It's part of growing up. I know my 15 yo went from losing any interest in sleepovers after about 9 or 10 to suddenly there are a lot more with DC's same sex friends. It's harmless for the most part, but you need to be realistic about what they are doing down there in the basement.

Interesting. We were constantly sleeping over at friend's houses in high school and this never came up.

At any rate, to answer the OP, I would treat the situation exactly like you would if she were in a relationship with a boy.

[Anonymous]

Definitely wouldn't let them have their romantic interest sleep over.

To be honest, I'd probably try to minimize sleepovers in general so I didn't have to deal with the issue. I wouldn't trust that my kid was always telling me who they were interested in, so just like I wouldn't allow mixed gender sleepovers (even if no romantic interest), I'd probably just say I didn't want to do sleepovers in most circumstances anymore. Someone she has been friends with a long time and you know what the real deal I? Fine. But probably not new friends and I'd be dropping in a lot, sleep in public area/door open, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, regardless of gender, I would not permit my child's romantic interest to sleep over before college.

This. Especially at 13. It's just too young for the really complex emotional fallout that sexual activity can cause (I know it doesn't always).

[Anonymous]

Time for a talk with the other girls parents