Will I regret taking money from my parents?

[Anonymous]

a first world problem, I know.

DH and I are successful and happy, the kind of "middle class" that only DCUM thinks is middle class. We have 2 kids and can take great care of them. My dad and his wife are wealthy by most standards. Parents paid for college but not much past that. I've always been fine as my career has been great and now DH is the same so I've always just been grateful I got a great education and never wanted anything more.

Recently my dad started slipping me checks. Not huge but significant. I've long suspected my step siblings were getting money from them, I never needed it although in DC with kids you can always use money. I accepted this and used it for plane tickets to visit them, then a couple of maintenance projects for our old house.

I am wondering if anyone has regretted taking money from their parents. Did you get dependent on it? My dad seems to expect nothing and has always been a good guy so I don't really worry about manipulation. I've thanked him each time. I'm mostly concerned about getting weirdly dependent on this in case they one day stop.

[Anonymous]

Nope. He probay has more than he can shelter from
Taxes when he dies, so he's giving it to you now. Doesn't sound like he has any strings attached.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. He probay has more than he can shelter from
Taxes when he dies, so he's giving it to you now. Doesn't sound like he has any strings attached.

+1. My Dad has started to do this more, giving us checks under the annual tax-free gifting limit. We're pretty careful never to depend on his generosity and to only use it as additional savings and/or for luxuries. My siblings seem to ask him more directly for things that they wouldn't otherwise spend money on. I have a suspicion that he sometimes gives me random checks etc to even things out.

[Anonymous]

My guess is he wants you to enjoy it/ use it to visit him while he's alive/ not pay inheritance taxes. If you don't want to become dependent on it, put his checks in a separate account and use it for something in the future.

[Anonymous]

So long as you have a good relationship, I wouldn't worry about it.

[Anonymous]

How much are we talking? A couple of hundreds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much are we talking? A couple of hundreds?

No, much more than that, but still under the gift tax threshold. Guessing other posters mentioning him wanting to divest some tax free now rather than after death are probably right although I have no idea for sure as it is so new (it started this calendar year)

[Anonymous]

If it isn't coming with strings attached, doesn't seem to be any harm, as long as you don't come to expect/need it.

[Anonymous]

I took money from my parents. About $125K in total that went to our down payment. It has allowed me and my husband (who also has a modest trust fund from his family) to live a comfortable life despite working in fields with modest salaries. I work as a legal aid attorney and my husband works in a similar field. Honestly, I get why others find taking the money distasteful, but I don't regret the decision to accept the money. My parents continue to give us generous gifts, but at this point we don't assume the gifts are coming. We are grateful for their generosity while being financially independent at this point. If the money stopped now, we'd be fine.

The one thing that the money does for me is mean that without hesitation, I will be responsible for my parents when they age. I would have been no matter what, but my parents have made explicit to me that this is their expectation. That is fine with me, as I would have accepted this responsibility even without the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I took money from my parents. About $125K in total that went to our down payment. It has allowed me and my husband (who also has a modest trust fund from his family) to live a comfortable life despite working in fields with modest salaries. I work as a legal aid attorney and my husband works in a similar field. Honestly, I get why others find taking the money distasteful, but I don't regret the decision to accept the money. My parents continue to give us generous gifts, but at this point we don't assume the gifts are coming. We are grateful for their generosity while being financially independent at this point. If the money stopped now, we'd be fine.

The one thing that the money does for me is mean that without hesitation, I will be responsible for my parents when they age. I would have been no matter what, but my parents have made explicit to me that this is their expectation. That is fine with me, as I would have accepted this responsibility even without the money.

How much do you make?

[Anonymous]

If it's under the gift threashold, then he's not "slipping" you checks, he is allowed to give you the $$ (something like 13.5K or so). And he can give your DH another $13.5 and each kid 13.5, each year. And your mom can, too.

My DH and I are both successful in our own right, and my mom does this. We are not dependent on it--but that is my personality--I won't be dependent on others besides my DH, but even then, I have thought out and invested so if he were to die, the kids and I will be ok.

So you just keep living your life as if you are not getting the money, but using it as you have (on a trip to visit your parents, or a vacation that's a little more luxe than you would have done normally) and all will be fine.

[Anonymous]

My wife's brother has taken any handout he could get. My wife and I made it clear we didn't want anything. I started a business and borrowed money from a bank to do it. We wanted to sink or swim on our own. I moved out after college and only took my clothes, no furniture or anything. We are now in our 40's and have a nice house, good investments, etc. For me it was about accomplishing something on my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. He probay has more than he can shelter from
Taxes when he dies, so he's giving it to you now. Doesn't sound like he has any strings attached.

+1. My Dad has started to do this more, giving us checks under the annual tax-free gifting limit. We're pretty careful never to depend on his generosity and to only use it as additional savings and/or for luxuries. My siblings seem to ask him more directly for things that they wouldn't otherwise spend money on. I have a suspicion that he sometimes gives me random checks etc to even things out.

+1

What an AMAZING parent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. He probay has more than he can shelter from
Taxes when he dies, so he's giving it to you now. Doesn't sound like he has any strings attached.

+1. My Dad has started to do this more, giving us checks under the annual tax-free gifting limit. We're pretty careful never to depend on his generosity and to only use it as additional savings and/or for luxuries. My siblings seem to ask him more directly for things that they wouldn't otherwise spend money on. I have a suspicion that he sometimes gives me random checks etc to even things out.

Similar situation here. One of my brothers has taken, taken, and taken even more from my parents since he turned 19. I honestly don't know what his family lives on aside from what they get from my parents; neither one of them has had a job in YEARS. So every once in a while my other brother and I will get a check. No strings, ever.

[Anonymous]

DH's family wants everything to be equal. So if they gave his brother money to help with a down payment, they'll give the other kids the same amount. Maybe that's what he's doing?