Ex glomming onto my family

[Anonymous]

I divorced this guy after many years of enduring his controlling and emotionally abusive ways. Immediately his family (with whom I had been close) would no longer talk to me. Meanwhile, the ex keeps reaching out to my family members, who are nice and so don't reject his ass. He's doing this, as usual, to one-up me but it's succeeding and I want my siblings and cousins not to return his overtures. He invites them to parties to which he doesn't invite me. Am I being ridiculous to feel like telling my family to cut him off?

[Anonymous]

No not at all, I deal with this with mine. He still wants to "be the right one". He recently reached out to my sister (we've been divorced for 15 years) to trash me. Our kids are all over 18... I feel for him.

[Anonymous]

Does your family know he was controlling and emotionally abusive?

[Anonymous]

They know because Ive told them, but I dont think they know how bad it was. He's an extrovert and they are charmed by his attention.

[Anonymous]

They should absolutely be having nothing to do with him, if only because you are family and are uncomfortable with it - for valid reasons! You have every right to put your foot down.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not!!

Kindly ask your family to sever ties w/your ex as it is entirely disrespectful to you.

I am quite sure that they have more than enough acquaintances in their lives that they don't need him.

[Anonymous]

That's creepy, I'd be concerned...stalking imo.

You need to make it clear to them, if they refuse you cut them off.

[Anonymous]

I think you just have to get over it. Yes, I'm in the same boat.

[Anonymous]

For me the line would be:

1. No family members are allowed to talk to me about the ex and their relationship with him. I cannot control what relationship they have with him.

2. No family members are allowed to invite him to a family gathering which includes me without first deferring to my opinion on the matter.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to let it go. Your relationship with him is different than their relationship with him. I think it's controlling and out of line when one relationship dissolves, and one or more of the individuals wants you to pick sides.

[Anonymous]

I have a sister who got divorced, and she's furious that my parents and I all hang out with the ex-brother-in-law. But really, it comes down to the following:

1. My ex-BIL is a great guy, and has tons of business connections that have really hooked me up over the years.

2. My sister really let herself go after the second kid. Plus, my ex-BIL's business took off and his market value went up a ton. I can't blame him for looking around when neither she nor he were in the same boat as when they got married.

3. My ex-BIL hosts my parents for a month every summer at his vacation home, along with his kids (their grandkids). It's a lot more fun seeing the kids there with my ex-
BIL and his new wife and baby, rather than dealing with my shrew of a sister telling us all how to eat and drink.

You're family from birth, but at some point you choose who you want to be with. My ex-BIL is much more fun to be around, and I'm really just done with my sister and all her drama. Sorry to lay it out there like that, but that's just how it is.

[Anonymous]

You're not ridiculous. Put out the word.

I'm close with my ex, but we are on very good terms.

[Anonymous]

This is where family sticks together. They do NOT talk to an ex that was abusive and you've asked them not to.

You do not let it go, dumb advice.

You may have to let a few relatives or friends go that continue to keep him in the circle. There is no excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I divorced this guy after many years of enduring his controlling and emotionally abusive ways. Immediately his family (with whom I had been close) would no longer talk to me. Meanwhile, the ex keeps reaching out to my family members, who are nice and so don't reject his ass. He's doing this, as usual, to one-up me but it's succeeding and I want my siblings and cousins not to return his overtures. He invites them to parties to which he doesn't invite me. Am I being ridiculous to feel like telling my family to cut him off?

I hope you're not talking to him in any way. Your siblings? You need to tell your family to STOP, not ridiculous at all. Tell them the truth about what a creep he is. Not acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a sister who got divorced, and she's furious that my parents and I all hang out with the ex-brother-in-law. But really, it comes down to the following:

1. My ex-BIL is a great guy, and has tons of business connections that have really hooked me up over the years.

2. My sister really let herself go after the second kid. Plus, my ex-BIL's business took off and his market value went up a ton. I can't blame him for looking around when neither she nor he were in the same boat as when they got married.

3. My ex-BIL hosts my parents for a month every summer at his vacation home, along with his kids (their grandkids). It's a lot more fun seeing the kids there with my ex-
BIL and his new wife and baby, rather than dealing with my shrew of a sister telling us all how to eat and drink.

You're family from birth, but at some point you choose who you want to be with. My ex-BIL is much more fun to be around, and I'm really just done with my sister and all her drama. Sorry to lay it out there like that, but that's just how it is.

Aren't you a lovely sibling!