Attending wedding is too expensive

[Anonymous]

Cousin is getting married and after estimating the cost the plane, hotel, gift, etc it will set me back way too much. I'm trying to save for 1. dental work I really need and 2. a downpayment on house. I also don't she'll miss me not being there. Her parents will, but probably not her. How do you decline an invite without hurting feelings? I don't want them to know it's about the money either.

[Anonymous]

It's tough to think of any excuse that won't offend. Since her parents are the ones that might be offended, maybe tell them that you are having financial difficulties right now? I just think honest is the only thing that will be taken well.

[doodlebug]

just rsvp no and leave it at that. if pressed for a reason say it's not in the budget and not a good time to take time off work oryou don't have vacation. but start w/ a simple no.

[Anonymous]

I think anyone would understand your reasons. Proper dental work and saving for a house are way up there in importance. Don't lose any sleep over it, your making a sound decision so just live with it.

[Anonymous]

You realize that you still need to send them a small gift, right?

[Anonymous]

I've never explained why I couldn't attend a wedding-and I didn't question it when someone replied no to mine-especially when they lived far away. Life gets in the way of a lot of things.

[Anonymous]

When we had a newborn (pumping 8 to 10 times a day) and a 2.5 yr old, DH's 2 cousins (siblings) were getting married out of state weeks apart. Neither location was convenient to a direct flight and we had no reliable child care. We called his aunt/uncle who we are closer to than the cousins and explained our situation (although I'm sure they would have preferred it if we came anyway) and then sent nice gifts to both couples.

When I received the bridal shower invite for the boy cousin's (i've only met this cousin once in 10 years of marriage to DH) future wife I laughed (b/c I did think it was more about her side soliciting for presents), but I picked something off the registry and ordered a small gift (about $25).

This is the best we could do.

If you have dental care expenses, it's totally understandable that you can't afford the trip. I would reach out and just let your uncle/aunt know this. Send a small gift if you can. If not, just a card wishing them well should be fine.

[doodlebug]

Anonymous wrote:You realize that you still need to send them a small gift, right?

gifts are NEVER required for anything.

[Anonymous]

Just RSVP no. It's tacky for them to follow up and ask why you can't come, and I can't imagine they would. Send a gift (or at least a card) with a heartfelt note telling them how much you wish you could be there to celebrate their special day blah blah and it will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just RSVP no. It's tacky for them to follow up and ask why you can't come, and I can't imagine they would. Send a gift (or at least a card) with a heartfelt note telling them how much you wish you could be there to celebrate their special day blah blah and it will be fine.

+1

I have never given an explanation for declining an invitation to a wedding like that. Send a card and a small gift, tell them that you're sorry you couldn't make it and you will be thinking of them on their wedding day, etc. It's fine.

[Anonymous]

just rsvp No and send the cheapest thing on the registry-if nothing cheap or no free shipping pick out and send something cheap {$25] that goes with the registry stuff.

If anyone asks why you're not going say vacation time issues and am getting massive dental work done.

[Anonymous]

I just got an invitation to a wedding, when I specifically told my friend I couldn't attend 6 months ago. No, I am not sending a gift. I only send gifts when I attend weddings. I'm declining another wedding actually because the groom sent me a text (after I received the save the date but begore I got the wedding invite) telling me where they are registered but that they also wanted cash in addition to the registry. Yeah no, I'm not participating in tacky gift grabs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You realize that you still need to send them a small gift, right?

+1. Since she is close family, send a gift

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just got an invitation to a wedding, when I specifically told my friend I couldn't attend 6 months ago. No, I am not sending a gift. I only send gifts when I attend weddings. I'm declining another wedding actually because the groom sent me a text (after I received the save the date but begore I got the wedding invite) telling me where they are registered but that they also wanted cash in addition to the registry. Yeah no, I'm not participating in tacky gift grabs!

I wouldn't assume the first invitation is a gift grab. Your friend likely sent it just in case you end up being available.

[Anonymous]

I realize that the cost sounds daunting, but consider that this may be the last family gathering with a number of relatives who may not be there at the next.

I cannot believe how many relatives who attended my wedding were dead within five to ten years.