Do your kids listen?

[Anonymous]

How well do your kids listen to you? Mind what you say? I'm on vacation with family and my nieces (3 & 5YO) do not listen to their parents, not at all. Don't even pretend to. They're very sweet girls, and lots of fun, but they seem to be a bit out of control. That said, I have a 13MO so I don't know whether their behavior is typical and this is what I have to look forward to in a few years, or if it's avoidable. They'll be told "eat your dinner, don't sing at the table, take a nap or you don't go to the beach" and they don't eat their dinner, they sing at the table and they don't take a nap but go to the beach. Just curious what I have in store for me in the future (and whether or not I should stop judging my SIL )!

[Anonymous]

Why would they listen to their parents? Sounds like there's no follow thru

[Anonymous]

Some kids are born to be more compliant than others. And some parents have follow-through and some don't.

If my kids don't listen, their world stops until they do. They are newly 3 and 4.5. Both like being happy and having others around them happy. My older one needs a bit more finesse to feel incentivized to follow directions, but I'm both creative and quick so it's not a big deal.

Also, if one of them pitches a fit in public or in front of company, they're whisked away.

[Anonymous]

One does, one does not. They are parented exactly the same way. Everyone is an awesome parent until they, you know, have kids to parent. So, yes, stop judging. My son was a dream at 13 months - sweetest smiley-est baby, and at 4, has significant ADHD and an actual defiance problem. So, while follow through is good, parenting does not a compliant child make most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One does, one does not. They are parented exactly the same way. Everyone is an awesome parent until they, you know, have kids to parent. So, yes, stop judging. My son was a dream at 13 months - sweetest smiley-est baby, and at 4, has significant ADHD and an actual defiance problem. So, while follow through is good, parenting does not a compliant child make most of the time.

Spot on, stop judging until you are in it. We give threats to our son, in hopes that he will comply. We also take him out of the tantrum or whatever if we say you won't go X,Y,z if you keep doing that. And we will pull him aside for a few minutes from doing X, Y, Z activity until he realizes there's a consequence. He's 2.75 yo and in the scheme of the world, still young and has a lot to learn about actions and consequences.

Not following up with an empty threat could make them not want to listen more, but your SIL might know that it is not the right hill to die on this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One does, one does not. They are parented exactly the same way. Everyone is an awesome parent until they, you know, have kids to parent. So, yes, stop judging. My son was a dream at 13 months - sweetest smiley-est baby, and at 4, has significant ADHD and an actual defiance problem. So, while follow through is good, parenting does not a compliant child make most of the time.

Have you tried screeching and screeching at them until they permanently hate you? If not you are a worse parent than me.

[Anonymous]

They used to be better but nowadays, it is 50/50. Sucks so bad. We need to read 1-2-3 Magic again!

[Anonymous]

Those sound like random things to tell kids to do and not the kid. Of things you'd really expect them to listen to. The nap thing, maybe they were too excited to sleep. They shouldn't have threatened no beach without a nap, because that would be pretty difficult to enforce. Eat your dinner? Like clean your plate? That sounds more like a suggestion, I wish you'd eat dinner or have 3 more bites. At 3 and 5, that's a normal convo that doesn't really come with the expectation that kids eat every bite. Don't sing at the table? Was it really disruptive? Telling a 3yo not to sing sounds like a sure way to get her to sing more, especially if you're not really paying attention to her and trying to keep her quiet to have an adult conversation. When kids are on vacation, they tend to be over excited and over tired, neither of which makes for good listening skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How well do your kids listen to you? Mind what you say? I'm on vacation with family and my nieces (3 & 5YO) do not listen to their parents, not at all. Don't even pretend to. They're very sweet girls, and lots of fun, but they seem to be a bit out of control. That said, I have a 13MO so I don't know whether their behavior is typical and this is what I have to look forward to in a few years, or if it's avoidable. They'll be told "eat your dinner, don't sing at the table, take a nap or you don't go to the beach" and they don't eat their dinner, they sing at the table and they don't take a nap but go to the beach. Just curious what I have in store for me in the future (and whether or not I should stop judging my SIL )!

The children are listening very well.
Do you mean to say "obey"?

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. Depends on the kids and the parents. There may be a lack of follow through on the parents part and may be the kids personalities. You won't know until you get there.

I also think on a vacation things are different. You are in a different location with different people and schedules.
I might not have the energy to enforce rules in front of an audience on vacation while I am trying to not go crazy with family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How well do your kids listen to you? Mind what you say? I'm on vacation with family and my nieces (3 & 5YO) do not listen to their parents, not at all. Don't even pretend to. They're very sweet girls, and lots of fun, but they seem to be a bit out of control. That said, I have a 13MO so I don't know whether their behavior is typical and this is what I have to look forward to in a few years, or if it's avoidable. They'll be told "eat your dinner, don't sing at the table, take a nap or you don't go to the beach" and they don't eat their dinner, they sing at the table and they don't take a nap but go to the beach. Just curious what I have in store for me in the future (and whether or not I should stop judging my SIL )!

The children are listening very well.
Do you mean to say "obey"?

Nailed it.

OP, it's scary that you think kids who don't eat their dinner or stop singing at the table on command are out of control.

[Anonymous]

Mine don't realy listen either 2 and 5. The problem with what they are doing is that they don't follow through. I never give a consequence that I can't/won't enforce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How well do your kids listen to you? Mind what you say? I'm on vacation with family and my nieces (3 & 5YO) do not listen to their parents, not at all. Don't even pretend to. They're very sweet girls, and lots of fun, but they seem to be a bit out of control. That said, I have a 13MO so I don't know whether their behavior is typical and this is what I have to look forward to in a few years, or if it's avoidable. They'll be told "eat your dinner, don't sing at the table, take a nap or you don't go to the beach" and they don't eat their dinner, they sing at the table and they don't take a nap but go to the beach. Just curious what I have in store for me in the future (and whether or not I should stop judging my SIL )!

The children are listening very well.
Do you mean to say "obey"?

Nailed it.

OP, it's scary that you think kids who don't eat their dinner or stop singing at the table on command are out of control.

Agree that the dinner and singing examples are very silly. Its true their parents shouldn't have threatened no beach trip if they weren't willing to follow through, but most parents have bluffed at some point and gotten called on it.

[Anonymous]

My son rarely listens the first or second time, drives me nuts. He's 4, and we are working on it. Also, during family gatherings and vacation s, I'm more likely to let things go because they're not in their element; and I'd rather spare YOU the tantrum (like a pp also mentioned). Especially such small things like you mention. You cannot force a young child to eat their dinner or take a nap, especially on vacation!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those sound like random things to tell kids to do and not the kid. Of things you'd really expect them to listen to. The nap thing, maybe they were too excited to sleep. They shouldn't have threatened no beach without a nap, because that would be pretty difficult to enforce. Eat your dinner? Like clean your plate? That sounds more like a suggestion, I wish you'd eat dinner or have 3 more bites. At 3 and 5, that's a normal convo that doesn't really come with the expectation that kids eat every bite. Don't sing at the table? Was it really disruptive? Telling a 3yo not to sing sounds like a sure way to get her to sing more, especially if you're not really paying attention to her and trying to keep her quiet to have an adult conversation. When kids are on vacation, they tend to be over excited and over tired, neither of which makes for good listening skills.

I think this is spot on. I also think these things "sound" different to child free adults or parents of younger kids. I was sort of listening to myself and DH with the ears of my child free BIL this week (just got back from staying with him). I think we are very consistent and at least moderately firm with our dd, age 3, but it's not like we tell her to do something exactly once and she immediately complies or faces punishment. It's truly not because we are wimps-- listen to yourselves and you'll hear it too-- not talking about wheedling or giving a million chances, but sometimes it takes 2-3 kind repetitions for things to get through to a kid (who is not really acting up).

And then again-- I try not to phrase things as commands if I feel they are optional (and am okay with my kid figuring it out via natural consequences), but not everyone picks up on that. Recently was on a family trip and would say something like, "Hm, the way you're stepping on that doesn't seem very stable" and some family members would be like, "Hey, your mom told you to get down!" (Which I very consciously did not want to do-- I was giving info and giving my dd a chance to figure it out, since she wasn't actually doing something non-negotiable.) Or sometimes they seemed to think I was being too "lax" by saying those things, and they needed to step up and correct something really inconsequential IMO (not eating perfectly over the plate-- I would make a suggestion but not a command, and I think they though she wasn't "listening" to me when my goal was not actually immediate compliance). Really felt some of them assumed I was half-assing it rather than making a conscious choice to pick battles and guide vs. nitpick literally everything.