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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Those sound like random things to tell kids to do and not the kid. Of things you'd really expect them to listen to. The nap thing, maybe they were too excited to sleep. They shouldn't have threatened no beach without a nap, because that would be pretty difficult to enforce. Eat your dinner? Like clean your plate? That sounds more like a suggestion, I wish you'd eat dinner or have 3 more bites. At 3 and 5, that's a normal convo that doesn't really come with the expectation that kids eat every bite. Don't sing at the table? Was it really disruptive? Telling a 3yo not to sing sounds like a sure way to get her to sing more, especially if you're not really paying attention to her and trying to keep her quiet to have an adult conversation. When kids are on vacation, they tend to be over excited and over tired, neither of which makes for good listening skills.

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I think this is spot on. I also think these things "sound" different to child free adults or parents of younger kids. I was sort of listening to myself and DH with the ears of my child free BIL this week (just got back from staying with him). I think we are very consistent and at least moderately firm with our dd, age 3, but it's not like we tell her to do something exactly once and she immediately complies or faces punishment. It's truly not because we are wimps-- listen to yourselves and you'll hear it too-- not talking about wheedling or giving a million chances, but sometimes it takes 2-3 kind repetitions for things to get through to a kid (who is not really acting up).

And then again-- I try not to phrase things as commands if I feel they are optional (and am okay with my kid figuring it out via natural consequences), but not everyone picks up on that. Recently was on a family trip and would say something like, "Hm, the way you're stepping on that doesn't seem very stable" and some family members would be like, "Hey, your mom told you to get down!" (Which I very consciously did not want to do-- I was giving info and giving my dd a chance to figure it out, since she wasn't actually doing something non-negotiable.) Or sometimes they seemed to think I was being too "lax" by saying those things, and they needed to step up and correct something really inconsequential IMO (not eating perfectly over the plate-- I would make a suggestion but not a command, and I think they though she wasn't "listening" to me when my goal was not actually immediate compliance). Really felt some of them assumed I was half-assing it rather than making a conscious choice to pick battles and guide vs. nitpick literally everything. [/quote]

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