How did you navigate childcare with two demanding careers?
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Anonymous
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We are expecting our first child in January. My husband works long and somewhat unpredictable hours. I typically travel 1-2 days a week (meaning very long days or a night away), though I do have some control over when those days are. We have no family in the area.
It is hard for me to picture us making regular daycare hours work. I'm open to a nanny or nanny share, but even that would need to be more than 8 hours on some days to make this work. Did you have two demanding/unpredictable careers? How did you make childcare work? (Sorry if this is the wrong board--not really specifically a daycare or nanny question) Thanks! |
Anonymous
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A standard nanny's hours are usually around 10 hours assuming the parents work 8 hours and commute 1 hour each way.
You could do day care for core hours and have a nanny pick up from daycare and work the remaining hours. Maybe you or DH could cut back hours for a while |
Anonymous
| Nanny for sure. Hopefully it's within your budget because it's worth it. |
Anonymous
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I have 2.5 yo and some experience with this but we don't travel (well 2x in 2.5 years, not regularly). It was a big adjustment at first. We went with daycare because we have a great daycare 2 blocks from us and we knew people who loved it. I couldn't initially (pre baby and with a newborn) wrap my head around how to screen a nanny and like the accountability of multiple caregivers. I also like not having a single point of failure. They are open 7:30-6 and while we prefer not to have our DD there all that time, it's an option on some days. If you can afford a nanny, that is hands down the most convenient. A nanny usually works 40-45 hours and any hours over 40 are overtime (1.5x). They will also often do dishes, kid laundry and keep things tidy. This is pretty freaking amazing if you ask me. That said, the single point of failure issue is real. Many friends have babies who call out sick last minute and won't drive if there is any snow even forecasted. If my kid'sday care teacher is sick I often don't even have to know. While we did have some sickness in the first year and every late fall/early winter, it hasn't been as bad as I feared.
On the how to handle it front, you just do. You figure out how to split up drop off/pick up or who meets the nanny am/pm and then when you have to leave you just have to leave. You can pick things up after bedtime if you need to. The travel can be a challenge but that is something that my friends with spouses who travel just roll with. One friend has a DH who travels 2-3 nights a week most weeks and they could not do it without a nanny. Both have very demanding jobs and they just make it work. You carve out the flexibility because you have to. Having young kids is not forever. You have worked hard in your career and now your work requirements are a little different in terms of what you can and can't do. You just have to roll with it. It's an adjustment but it is totally doable. |
Anonymous
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In the real world, even with a nanny, someone decides to step back a little. It's part of the reality of deciding to become parents -- you are not first anymore. It's a good reminder that you should be working to live, not living to work.
Sorry if that seems harsh, but so many people seem to think that having kids means nothing's got to give. The big change over the years means that it's not necessarily the mother who has to do the stepping back. |
Anonymous
OP here--that's not harsh at all, it's very real and also part of our math here. I'm just trying to understand the spectrum of what people do, because even with us both stepping back some, neither of us is likely to have a predictable 40 hour week every week in anything resembling our current roles. |
Anonymous
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Daycare + nanny. Hope you earn high salaries for your long hours.
Personally, I would not want my kid in someone else's care for that long, but if I had no choice that's what I'd go with. |
Anonymous
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I would try very hard to prioritize having a single provider during the first two years. You can find a nanny willing to work 11 hour days if you pay well. If you set those hours at, say 8 a.m. to 7 p.m. could you arrange things so one of you is always home by 7? Alternating late days or something?
I had my kid in daycare, and it was fine, but if you're talking about that long a day, it's exhausting. Napping at home, and a slightly quieter environment will make it worth the cost of a nanny. After 2, I'd think about a 1/2 day preschool and an au pair. Arrange your schedules so you take turns having breakfast together, and taking the child to school, then the au pair picks up at noon, and the child can have a nice long nap at home. Arrange your schedule so that each of you is home for a nice bedtime routine a few days a week, and outsource everything you can to provide family time on the weekends. |
Anonymous
| We have a nanny who works more than 8 eight hours four days a week. |
Anonymous
| You can find nannies willing to work 50 hrs/week but you will pay a lot because that will be 10 hrs of overtime. Other families with two big careers I know of have an au pair and a nanny, or an au pair and daycare. Personally I think frequent travel AND long hours are just a bad combination for parenting, no matter what kind of care situation you have, so I'd try to move to a new job. |
Anonymous
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Someone in sort of your position. We have a nanny who is willing to take on extra hours but the biggest things are 1)
Being more mindful about which commitments are truly essential and what can be done at home after the kids are asleep (or early in the morning) and 2) staggering our schedules to minimize the times care is needed outside of regular hours. Especially essential for travel I think this is standard for 2 big career couples. Good luck |
Anonymous
If you are both willing to step back a bit and coordinate, that may be workable. For example, you travel twice a week. If those are set days and DH can make it so he cuts back his hours on those days and only those days, then you could make that work. Then on the days you are not traveling, he can work longer and you would do all the baby care. He could do some of his work on weekends or in the evenings after baby is in bed. Etc. Obviously this depends a great deal on what his career is (and yours). If he's an electrician and he must go when called, it may not work as well as if he is a law firm partner who can work his long hours when it suits him, or a doctor who can cut back on first-call shifts. As an example, my husband and I are both government lawyers, so we work relatively standard hours. However we are both the go-to people in our respective departments, acting for the boss when the boss is out. For me this generally means I am in charge of the office for one to two weeks at a time because my boss takes off for large chunks of time perhaps 3 times a year. For DH, his boss takes days here and there, so he will randomly be in charge of the office for a day or two every few weeks. We have worked out an "on call" system where we decide on Sunday night who is "on call" each day that week if DS gets sick and can't go to day care. Usually I am on call MWF and DH takes TTh. But some weeks we flip it. Some weeks he takes 3 consecutive days if I am preparing for oral argument. Etc. And we both work at night or on weekends (from home) if necessary. It was tough at first but we eventually worked it out, and you will too. But it's good that you're thinking of this stuff up front. |
Anonymous
| A lot of people I know with schedules like yours have a nanny for the first two years and then an au pair + preschool combo. The au pair lives with you and I believe that you can pay her extra for babysitting hours outside of what is in her contract. |
Anonymous
| I also know people who have two nannies. You can either split the week or split each day. |
Anonymous
| You get a nanny and one of you sets some hard boundaries at work. |