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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In the real world, even with a nanny, someone decides to step back a little.  It's part of the reality of deciding to become parents -- you are not first anymore. It's a good reminder that you should be working to live, not living to work.

Sorry if that seems harsh, but so many people seem to think that having kids means nothing's got to give. The big change over the years means that it's not necessarily the mother who has to do the stepping back. [/quote]

OP here--that's not harsh at all, it's very real and also part of our math here. I'm just trying to understand the spectrum of what people do, because even with us both stepping back some, neither of us is likely to have a predictable 40 hour week every week in anything resembling our current roles. [/quote]

If you are both willing to step back a bit and coordinate, that may be workable. For example, you travel twice a week. If those are set days and DH can make it so he cuts back his hours on those days and only those days, then you could make that work. Then on the days you are not traveling, he can work longer and you would do all the baby care. He could do some of his work on weekends or in the evenings after baby is in bed. Etc. Obviously this depends a great deal on what his career is (and yours). If he's an electrician and he must go when called, it may not work as well as if he is a law firm partner who can work his long hours when it suits him, or a doctor who can cut back on first-call shifts.

As an example, my husband and I are both government lawyers, so we work relatively standard hours. However we are both the go-to people in our respective departments, acting for the boss when the boss is out. For me this generally means I am in charge of the office for one to two weeks at a time because my boss takes off for large chunks of time perhaps 3 times a year. For DH, his boss takes days here and there, so he will randomly be in charge of the office for a day or two every few weeks. We have worked out an "on call" system where we decide on Sunday night who is "on call" each day that week if DS gets sick and can't go to day care. Usually I am on call MWF and DH takes TTh. But some weeks we flip it. Some weeks he takes 3 consecutive days if I am preparing for oral argument. Etc. And we both work at night or on weekends (from home) if necessary. It was tough at first but we eventually worked it out, and you will too. But it's good that you're thinking of this stuff up front.[/quote]

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