How's 3rd grade going socially?

[Anonymous]

Trying to figure out what is normal. Now that we are toward the end of the year social dynamics seem more complicated. Please specify if you have a boy or girl and give examples if you are willing. Thanks. (Teacher is out to lunch about social dynamics so it isn't helpful to get her perspective).

[Anonymous]

I have a 3rd grade boy and he's very comfortable with his gang of friends in his class. He's known a couple of them since preschool. He completely ignores anyone outside his group of friends, though, but not because he's snubbing them. He tends to shut out anything that's unfamiliar to him including people he doesn't know very well.

[Anonymous]

They shouldn't be more complicated, OP. What are you seeing?

What's normal is that friendships change, cliques form and break up, former friends gang up on each other... and then are best friends again the year after.

What's not normal is if your child does not have ANY friends at all, or makes friends but can't keep them. Social red flags.

[Anonymous]

It is the same as 1st and 2nd grade. DS is super shy and has one or two tolerant and easygoing female friends that he sees from time to time outside of school. Has no problems with boys in his class, and will sit with them at lunch etc. but not really friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
They shouldn't be more complicated, OP. What are you seeing?

What's normal is that friendships change, cliques form and break up, former friends gang up on each other... and then are best friends again the year after.

What's not normal is if your child does not have ANY friends at all, or makes friends but can't keep them. Social red flags.

OP here. Seeing a lot of this. DC has a steady tried and true best friend and they rarely have issues. There's someone who was the best friend for 2 years who is now a frenemy-nice friend one week, mean the next. There are some friends who DC plays with now and then and there aren't issues, but they aren't close. There are a few girls and boys who can be real jerks yelling things like, "go away" "no you can't join our soccer game!" These same kids have been mean to other kids too and they have short fuses according to what I've seen, but they also are very into ganging up/trying to get other kids into exclusion. DC is fine with it all most days, but the days DC isn't break my heart and I just help DC problem solve.

[Anonymous]

OP you must have a girl.

The whole I'm your friend this week, but not next, is a girl thing.

My DD has the same - she likes most of the kids in her class (except the girl who frequently kicks her or shoves her when the teacher isn't looking!) and has one friend who is her best bestie and then her worst worstie.

The boys are more straightforward.

There is talk about "liking" people in class. Mainly I believe, motivated by some of the more mature girls in class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you must have a girl.

The whole I'm your friend this week, but not next, is a girl thing.

My DD has the same - she likes most of the kids in her class (except the girl who frequently kicks her or shoves her when the teacher isn't looking!) and has one friend who is her best bestie and then her worst worstie.

The boys are more straightforward.

There is talk about "liking" people in class. Mainly I believe, motivated by some of the more mature girls in class.

OP here. No, it's boys doing this. You did make me remember 2 girls last year shouted at him "go away! We are having a private conversation." The next day, one of them came up to him all nervous and asked him if he would be her boyfriend. He told her she already was his friend. She said he had to tell her he loved her and play with her at recess. He went along. It lasted about 2 weeks. She started talking marriage and he wasn't ready to think about that.

[Anonymous]

DD is in a small private. 14 kids in the class and most have been together since preK. I notice there was an issue with a new student at the begining of the year, but they are friends now. I notice more best friend talk and groupings. My DD is shy so I keep an eye on her social skills. I notice that her friends run to hug her when she comes in late or goes to a birthday party or outing. She told me about some drama but asked for a week to handle l before I involved the adults. They worked it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
They shouldn't be more complicated, OP. What are you seeing?

What's normal is that friendships change, cliques form and break up, former friends gang up on each other... and then are best friends again the year after.

What's not normal is if your child does not have ANY friends at all, or makes friends but can't keep them. Social red flags.

OP here. Seeing a lot of this. DC has a steady tried and true best friend and they rarely have issues. There's someone who was the best friend for 2 years who is now a frenemy-nice friend one week, mean the next. There are some friends who DC plays with now and then and there aren't issues, but they aren't close. There are a few girls and boys who can be real jerks yelling things like, "go away" "no you can't join our soccer game!" These same kids have been mean to other kids too and they have short fuses according to what I've seen, but they also are very into ganging up/trying to get other kids into exclusion. DC is fine with it all most days, but the days DC isn't break my heart and I just help DC problem solve.

PP you quoted. Really, it's fine. Unless your child is being routinely targeted, in which case it's bullying and you ask for teacher intervention - which I had to do in 3rd grade for my kiddo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
They shouldn't be more complicated, OP. What are you seeing?

What's normal is that friendships change, cliques form and break up, former friends gang up on each other... and then are best friends again the year after.

What's not normal is if your child does not have ANY friends at all, or makes friends but can't keep them. Social red flags.

OP here. Seeing a lot of this. DC has a steady tried and true best friend and they rarely have issues. There's someone who was the best friend for 2 years who is now a frenemy-nice friend one week, mean the next. There are some friends who DC plays with now and then and there aren't issues, but they aren't close. There are a few girls and boys who can be real jerks yelling things like, "go away" "no you can't join our soccer game!" These same kids have been mean to other kids too and they have short fuses according to what I've seen, but they also are very into ganging up/trying to get other kids into exclusion. DC is fine with it all most days, but the days DC isn't break my heart and I just help DC problem solve.

PP you quoted. Really, it's fine. Unless your child is being routinely targeted, in which case it's bullying and you ask for teacher intervention - which I had to do in 3rd grade for my kiddo.

Seeing all of this in 2nd with my DD. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you must have a girl.

The whole I'm your friend this week, but not next, is a girl thing.

My DD has the same - she likes most of the kids in her class (except the girl who frequently kicks her or shoves her when the teacher isn't looking!) and has one friend who is her best bestie and then her worst worstie.

The boys are more straightforward.

There is talk about "liking" people in class. Mainly I believe, motivated by some of the more mature girls in class.

OP here. No, it's boys doing this. You did make me remember 2 girls last year shouted at him "go away! We are having a private conversation." The next day, one of them came up to him all nervous and asked him if he would be her boyfriend. He told her she already was his friend. She said he had to tell her he loved her and play with her at recess. He went along. It lasted about 2 weeks. She started talking marriage and he wasn't ready to think about that.

Thanks for this. It always amazes me when parents assume this is a "girl thing". It's not. It's a "7-10 year old" thing.

In DD's class, the boys happen to be worse than the girls when it comes to social dynamics and cliques. But in some of the other classes, it's the reverse. Depends on the kids.

[Anonymous]

I don't get involved in engineering my kids social life, but my son is in 4th and has 3 good buddies he hangs with. Nothing complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you must have a girl.

The whole I'm your friend this week, but not next, is a girl thing.

My DD has the same - she likes most of the kids in her class (except the girl who frequently kicks her or shoves her when the teacher isn't looking!) and has one friend who is her best bestie and then her worst worstie.

The boys are more straightforward.

There is talk about "liking" people in class. Mainly I believe, motivated by some of the more mature girls in class.

OP here. No, it's boys doing this. You did make me remember 2 girls last year shouted at him "go away! We are having a private conversation." The next day, one of them came up to him all nervous and asked him if he would be her boyfriend. He told her she already was his friend. She said he had to tell her he loved her and play with her at recess. He went along. It lasted about 2 weeks. She started talking marriage and he wasn't ready to think about that.

You are bizarrely involved in your kid's social life. I'm thinking you must be socially awkward yourself and are living your own social anxieties through your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you must have a girl.

The whole I'm your friend this week, but not next, is a girl thing.

My DD has the same - she likes most of the kids in her class (except the girl who frequently kicks her or shoves her when the teacher isn't looking!) and has one friend who is her best bestie and then her worst worstie.

The boys are more straightforward.

There is talk about "liking" people in class. Mainly I believe, motivated by some of the more mature girls in class.

OP here. No, it's boys doing this. You did make me remember 2 girls last year shouted at him "go away! We are having a private conversation." The next day, one of them came up to him all nervous and asked him if he would be her boyfriend. He told her she already was his friend. She said he had to tell her he loved her and play with her at recess. He went along. It lasted about 2 weeks. She started talking marriage and he wasn't ready to think about that.

You are bizarrely involved in your kid's social life. I'm thinking you must be socially awkward yourself and are living your own social anxieties through your child.

Poster, that's plain rude. I expect you don't have any children yet, which would explain it, now buzz off.

[Anonymous]

We've got one bully who excludes certain people on purpose, and makes the whole class turn against this person for whatever time period he wants them to. All day, all week. He blackmails others for friendships, and the other kids listen. I don't get it. Even though he's mean to everyone, they fear him and yet still want to be his friend. He's been violent a few times, in sneaky ways.

OP as far as helping your kid with it, I teach mine to go find other friends to play with. I give him skills to help him go join in on games, or start games, etc. The one kid causing problems doesn't have as much power as he thinks he does, if nobody complies with him.