Sister has asked me to be a surrogate for her
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| My sister has struggled with infertility for years. Her DH has always wanted a baby, and since my DH and I had our little girl, she has wanted one more and more. While I feel positively horrible that she's infertile, I don't know if I can do it. We're very close and I really do want to help her bring a baby into the world. I know that it would be easier and more comfortable of a situation.. But going through my own pregnancy, I became so attached to my baby before she was even born. Feeling all the movements, seeing the ultrasounds, interacting with her. Does anyone have any experience with surrogacy? I don't know if it would feel different knowing I was doing it for her or not. But pregnancy is one of my favorite moments in my life. I don't know how I could give the baby up after 9 months of knowing it. |
Anonymous
| It's totally fine and normal that you don't want to do this. In fact, it would be extraordinary if you did want to do it. |
Anonymous
| Reading your post, you would not be a good candidate. |
Anonymous
| Does she have a child already? Is this a second marriage for her? Not sure from reading your post. |
Anonymous
| Are you still planning on having other children? I understand why you dont want to do this, and I think you need to be honest. Trying to ignore you feelings and go through with this would probably create a nightmare situation for everyone. |
Anonymous
|
I think your feelings are totally valid.
Honestly, I think your sister was wrong to ask you that puts an unfair amount of pressure on you, and puts you in an impossible position. It would be different if you offered. Maybe you can support her in choosing a surrogate from a qualified organization. There are other ways for she and her husband to become parents without them putting pressure on you. |
Anonymous
|
OP you need to be honest with her.
|
Anonymous
| You would not be a good candidate. You will both need to meet with a counselor before a clinic would consider it. I'm guessing the counselor would say no after talking to you. You need to talk to your sister |
Anonymous
| Yes, I have a friend who was a surrogate for a family member. Her DH was always lukewarm about the idea. She suffered from depression after the baby was born as well. The pregnancy was rough as was the depression afterward and took a serious toll on her own family and marriage. It ended up being one of the main reasons they eventually divorced a few years later. |
Anonymous
| This is not a good idea for you. Your sister should find another surrogate option. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| Thank you for your input on this. I didn't know if it was wrong of me to turn her down |
Anonymous
Of course it's not wrong. You don't have a baby for someone out of guilt. This wouldn't be an emotionally healthy situation for you, your spouse or your sister. Just be honest with her. Be prepared for her to be upset, infertility can cause people to be a little unreasonable at times. |
Anonymous
| It was wrong of your sister to ask. |
Anonymous
| Hell no I wouldn't do this. |