Graduation announcement from mom?

[Anonymous]

My husband's nephew is graduating from college this week. Nephew is the first in his family line to graduate from college, as his dad and brother were both college drop outs (just trying to set the stage that this is an important event, but not like, say, a first gen immigrant family whose kid goes to college). My husband broke this cycle himself twenty years ago and went to college, professional masters, and phd.

We were never super close with my husband's family, but DH did spend a lot of time with his brothers last year when his mom passed away - so he has been texting and closer with his family in the last year than at any other time since leaving home. I think he and his brothers (or their wives) send a few texts every month with any major news - compared with the last 20 years it was just a once a year catch up at xmas. We really don't know the nephews well at all, as we used to just see them every xmas - but even that has been cut back in the last 4 years (since we had a son, the nephews graduated high school and have their own lives etc). But DH has always stayed up to date on their major events from his brothers (like graduations etc).

The nephew who is graduating took 6 years to graduate - having dropped out briefly, moving cross state to go to a trade school, a year of community college and then back into full college in the last 1.5 years. There's no real excuse for why it took so long - they are solidly middle class, great family emotional support etc. They just don't seem to prioritize school much in their family. And his mom (Dh's brother's wife) is a bit overbearing in that she is crazy involved and loving, but her family all lives on one street, her nieces and nephews all went to shitty regional colleges so they could live at home despite having great grades. Again - just trying to set the stage as to this is important, but not exactly an astounding accomplishment. Nephew is going to grad school in the fall - which is great. Seems like the cycle has been fully broken and we are especially happy to hear nephew is moving across the country - so he can do some growing up.

I'll also add that where I grew up, we do not celebrate high school or college graduations in any way. Parents probably take you to dinner, but you wouldn't bring your extended family and no one gives money.

So we figure nephew is 24 or 25. And we got his graduation announcement last week - but weirdly (or I think weirdly) the envelope was addressed in his mom's handwriting. My husband and I both thought it was really weird that an undeniably grown man (24 or 25) didn't mail out his own announcements. It was a little offensive in that, the announcments are clearly a request for money - and he didn't have the etiquette to make the request himself? So first question is: is this normal or weird that a 25 year old didn't send out his own announcments?

Second question - more straight forward: we're obviously happy he graduated and is continuing on to school. Appropriate gift? We are wealthy, his family is very middle class (in that they don't have much money). They are in a working class geographic region where I suspect they don't see the kind of money and gifts we do in DC. DH is also self-conscious of looking too wealthy to his family and regularly goes out of his way to hide any evidence of money (like DH used to insist we drive the shitty beater VW to xmas instead of the audi). As said, I'm new to this graduation gift thing so just wondering what people think is appropriate here - no snark needed.

[Anonymous]

Send him a card with a check for whatever you are comfortable with, then put this behind you and stop the judging!

[Anonymous]

Omg your post is so judgmental. Whenever anyone graduates it's a huge accomplishment and milestone for them, even if it's expected and they're the 700th person in their family to graduate. Him being the first in his nuclear power family is big. I'm sure his parents are proud.

Etiquette doesn't dictate that you send a gift for announcements. Regional tradition may be different and they may be hoping for gifts. Just send a check, in a card with a nice personal note, for whatever amount you're comfortable with and be done with it. You've put a lot of thought into criticizing them for celebrating this milestone.

[Anonymous]

Wow. You are grossly over thinking this. And I thought I was judgmental, but you take the cake. 95% of your "stage setting" was completely pointless.

Send a card and a check for $100. Done. And maybe get a hobby so you have less time to ponder the college choices of your SON's extended family.

[Anonymous]

SIL, not SON

[Anonymous]

Send a gift or not. But get over yourself. I suggest $250.

[Anonymous]

Who cares who addressed the envelope? Are you for real?

You sound like a righteous bitch with too much time on her hands writing this novel about nothing.

[Anonymous]

You are one snotty rotten bitch.

[Anonymous]

TL;DR yes send a graduation gift.

[Anonymous]

Send a check for $100 in a card with a sentence congratulating him on his achievement. Done.

[Anonymous]

Wow, so his mom is happy/excited her son is graduating and she's probably the one who wanted to send the announcements out. Her son probably could have cared less either way. Do what you want - send a card and check (if you want), or send just a card. Not sure why it's such a big deal to you about who's hand writing it was in.

[Anonymous]

A card and $100 and I agree with pp's that you are TOTALLY overthinking this. The mom is proud and sending out announcements. The fact she did it vs her son is completely normal. I'd have found it odder if a 24 yo guy did his own graduation announcements.

[Anonymous]

You need something to do, OP.

[Anonymous]

Wow! You're pretty judgmental. I recommend you let your DH manage his family.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully the nephew is focusing on finals and graduating, not on grad announcements. I know when my DD graduated we, as parents, got the info about ordering grad announcements. I assume if we had ordered any I would have sent them out because they would have come to our house, not to DDs dorm. Can't believe you even care whose handwriting it is. Celebrate the event (if you can bring yourself to think about other people for a minute or two) and send a nice card and gift.