Graduation announcement from mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully the nephew is focusing on finals and graduating, not on grad announcements. I know when my DD graduated we, as parents, got the info about ordering grad announcements. I assume if we had ordered any I would have sent them out because they would have come to our house, not to DDs dorm. Can't believe you even care whose handwriting it is. Celebrate the event (if you can bring yourself to think about other people for a minute or two) and send a nice card and gift.

Meant to add - as an aunt and uncle you can't consider a grad announcement a gift grab. You should probably be giving a gift regardless of the form of announcement. My DDs aunts and uncles actually came to her graduation, and gave her gifts, and we didn't send announcements.

[Anonymous]

Very judgmental post! $200, nice card, done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's nephew is graduating from college this week. Nephew is the first in his family line to graduate from college, as his dad and brother were both college drop outs (just trying to set the stage that this is an important event, but not like, say, a first gen immigrant family whose kid goes to college). My husband broke this cycle himself twenty years ago and went to college, professional masters, and phd.

We were never super close with my husband's family, but DH did spend a lot of time with his brothers last year when his mom passed away - so he has been texting and closer with his family in the last year than at any other time since leaving home. I think he and his brothers (or their wives) send a few texts every month with any major news - compared with the last 20 years it was just a once a year catch up at xmas. We really don't know the nephews well at all, as we used to just see them every xmas - but even that has been cut back in the last 4 years (since we had a son, the nephews graduated high school and have their own lives etc). But DH has always stayed up to date on their major events from his brothers (like graduations etc).

The nephew who is graduating took 6 years to graduate - having dropped out briefly, moving cross state to go to a trade school, a year of community college and then back into full college in the last 1.5 years. There's no real excuse for why it took so long - they are solidly middle class, great family emotional support etc. They just don't seem to prioritize school much in their family. And his mom (Dh's brother's wife) is a bit overbearing in that she is crazy involved and loving, but her family all lives on one street, her nieces and nephews all went to shitty regional colleges so they could live at home despite having great grades. Again - just trying to set the stage as to this is important, but not exactly an astounding accomplishment. Nephew is going to grad school in the fall - which is great. Seems like the cycle has been fully broken and we are especially happy to hear nephew is moving across the country - so he can do some growing up.

I'll also add that where I grew up, we do not celebrate high school or college graduations in any way. Parents probably take you to dinner, but you wouldn't bring your extended family and no one gives money.

So we figure nephew is 24 or 25. And we got his graduation announcement last week - but weirdly (or I think weirdly) the envelope was addressed in his mom's handwriting. My husband and I both thought it was really weird that an undeniably grown man (24 or 25) didn't mail out his own announcements. It was a little offensive in that, the announcments are clearly a request for money - and he didn't have the etiquette to make the request himself? So first question is: is this normal or weird that a 25 year old didn't send out his own announcments?

Second question - more straight forward: we're obviously happy he graduated and is continuing on to school. Appropriate gift? We are wealthy, his family is very middle class (in that they don't have much money). They are in a working class geographic region where I suspect they don't see the kind of money and gifts we do in DC. DH is also self-conscious of looking too wealthy to his family and regularly goes out of his way to hide any evidence of money (like DH used to insist we drive the shitty beater VW to xmas instead of the audi). As said, I'm new to this graduation gift thing so just wondering what people think is appropriate here - no snark needed.

Jesus, you are a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, so his mom is happy/excited her son is graduating and she's probably the one who wanted to send the announcements out. Her son probably could have cared less either way. Do what you want - send a card and check (if you want), or send just a card. Not sure why it's such a big deal to you about who's hand writing it was in.

Exactly. The mom addressed them because she's the one who wanted them. And maybe you don't think it's a huge achievement, but maybe for this kid, it is. It sounds like there were some bumps on his road to graduation, and it's awesome that he got back on track.

[Anonymous]

I got my bachelor's at 30 because I dropped out of school for no good reason, went to a small state college, my own brother has done wayyyy better than me financially after having gone the traditional route. But Jesus, my parents were still proud, and even had a little catered party for me. And can you even believe it, my aunts and uncles gave me gifts! I certainly didn't send out my own announcements, do people do that?

OP, you are the oddball here in that nobody in your life ever celebrates graduations. That's fine, but what you're complaining about is no different than saying "In my family we don't celebrate birthdays, but my husband's family has parties with cake and balloons and I just cannot wrap my head around it." You just need to go with the flow sometimes.

[Anonymous]

What they did is totally normal and his achievement is admirable. Acknowledge him.

[Anonymous]

The guy probably has no clue his mom sent out the invite, and has no clue some people look upon it as a gift grab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got my bachelor's at 30 because I dropped out of school for no good reason, went to a small state college, my own brother has done wayyyy better than me financially after having gone the traditional route. But Jesus, my parents were still proud, and even had a little catered party for me. And can you even believe it, my aunts and uncles gave me gifts! I certainly didn't send out my own announcements, do people do that?

OP, you are the oddball here in that nobody in your life ever celebrates graduations. That's fine, but what you're complaining about is no different than saying "In my family we don't celebrate birthdays, but my husband's family has parties with cake and balloons and I just cannot wrap my head around it." You just need to go with the flow sometimes.

Ahh, but did your cousins go to shitty regional colleges?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got my bachelor's at 30 because I dropped out of school for no good reason, went to a small state college, my own brother has done wayyyy better than me financially after having gone the traditional route. But Jesus, my parents were still proud, and even had a little catered party for me. And can you even believe it, my aunts and uncles gave me gifts! I certainly didn't send out my own announcements, do people do that?

OP, you are the oddball here in that nobody in your life ever celebrates graduations. That's fine, but what you're complaining about is no different than saying "In my family we don't celebrate birthdays, but my husband's family has parties with cake and balloons and I just cannot wrap my head around it." You just need to go with the flow sometimes.

Ahh, but did your cousins go to shitty regional colleges?

Lol, I can't figure out how any of that is even relevant! My cousin went to community college, therefore we shouldn't get too puffed with pride that the other cousin went to X regional college? WTF, op?

[Anonymous]

If the grad had sent the announcements himself I feel like you would have been faux-horrified at the idea. Please get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

I always thought the main reason for graduation announcements was to get the $$$. Send a check (average check I received at graduation was $200) in a card and be done with it.

Also, I'd not think much about it not being addressed by him. I know my mom did my brother's announcements because he has atrocious handwriting. It also seemed like a theme among my male friends in college that their moms took charge and ordered/organized everything for graduation.

[Anonymous]

Since you are clearly judgemental over the whole thing just ignore it, because if you do anything you will make sure it's all about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's nephew is graduating from college this week. Nephew is the first in his family line to graduate from college, as his dad and brother were both college drop outs (just trying to set the stage that this is an important event, but not like, say, a first gen immigrant family whose kid goes to college). My husband broke this cycle himself twenty years ago and went to college, professional masters, and phd.

We were never super close with my husband's family, but DH did spend a lot of time with his brothers last year when his mom passed away - so he has been texting and closer with his family in the last year than at any other time since leaving home. I think he and his brothers (or their wives) send a few texts every month with any major news - compared with the last 20 years it was just a once a year catch up at xmas. We really don't know the nephews well at all, as we used to just see them every xmas - but even that has been cut back in the last 4 years (since we had a son, the nephews graduated high school and have their own lives etc). But DH has always stayed up to date on their major events from his brothers (like graduations etc).

The nephew who is graduating took 6 years to graduate - having dropped out briefly, moving cross state to go to a trade school, a year of community college and then back into full college in the last 1.5 years. There's no real excuse for why it took so long - they are solidly middle class, great family emotional support etc. They just don't seem to prioritize school much in their family. And his mom (Dh's brother's wife) is a bit overbearing in that she is crazy involved and loving, but her family all lives on one street, her nieces and nephews all went to shitty regional colleges so they could live at home despite having great grades. Again - just trying to set the stage as to this is important, but not exactly an astounding accomplishment. Nephew is going to grad school in the fall - which is great. Seems like the cycle has been fully broken and we are especially happy to hear nephew is moving across the country - so he can do some growing up.

I'll also add that where I grew up, we do not celebrate high school or college graduations in any way. Parents probably take you to dinner, but you wouldn't bring your extended family and no one gives money.

So we figure nephew is 24 or 25. And we got his graduation announcement last week - but weirdly (or I think weirdly) the envelope was addressed in his mom's handwriting. My husband and I both thought it was really weird that an undeniably grown man (24 or 25) didn't mail out his own announcements. It was a little offensive in that, the announcments are clearly a request for money - and he didn't have the etiquette to make the request himself? So first question is: is this normal or weird that a 25 year old didn't send out his own announcments?

Second question - more straight forward: we're obviously happy he graduated and is continuing on to school. Appropriate gift? We are wealthy, his family is very middle class (in that they don't have much money). They are in a working class geographic region where I suspect they don't see the kind of money and gifts we do in DC. DH is also self-conscious of looking too wealthy to his family and regularly goes out of his way to hide any evidence of money (like DH used to insist we drive the shitty beater VW to xmas instead of the audi). As said, I'm new to this graduation gift thing so just wondering what people think is appropriate here - no snark needed.

Jesus, you are a bitch.

Insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully the nephew is focusing on finals and graduating, not on grad announcements. I know when my DD graduated we, as parents, got the info about ordering grad announcements. I assume if we had ordered any I would have sent them out because they would have come to our house, not to DDs dorm. Can't believe you even care whose handwriting it is. Celebrate the event (if you can bring yourself to think about other people for a minute or two) and send a nice card and gift.

Meant to add - as an aunt and uncle you can't consider a grad announcement a gift grab. You should probably be giving a gift regardless of the form of announcement. My DDs aunts and uncles actually came to her graduation, and gave her gifts, and we didn't send announcements.

+1 We aren't very close to DH's family and I still sent $100 and a card to each of his nieces and nephews when they graduated from high school. I'd do the same for my brother and sister's kids and want to treat them all the same, even if there is distance in our relationship with the ILs.

[Anonymous]

What everyone else has already said times a million. Good grief.