My husband is Captain Obvious
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Anonymous
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My husband feels the need to remind me of the most obvious stuff CONSTANTLY. This is just this morning:
1. He told me to be sure to give the dog clean water before I leave for work. 2. I had to take his debit card today because mine expired before the new one came. He felt the need to tell me to be sure to put it back in my wallet after I use it. 3. He told me not to forget to put a check for DD's lunch account in her backpack, even though I handled it last week and I'm the only one who ever deals with DD's lunch account. 4. We can't let the dog's medication run out I am not forgetful and I've never given him any reason not to trust that I'll do these things. I give the dog water every single morning. I've never misplaced a debit/credit card. I've never allowed our daughters lunch account to get below $20.00. I picked up the dog's medicine from the vet last Saturday. We have a full bottle. It seems like he's doing this more and more lately. I'm not sure where it's coming from, but if he doesn't stop...I'm going to lose it. Advice? Words of wisdom? |
Anonymous
| Talk to your husband about your feelings. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like he has untreated anxiety. |
Anonymous
| Does he do it in a nagging tone or is it more like he's telling you as he's going through his own list of stuff to do? I know this may not be what you want to hear, but I'm impressed. My husband is great and does a lot of the actual work around the house but I'm the one that has to remember everything. Women typically have to do a lot of the management work. If he is just a checklist-style thinker and hats how he feels like he's on top of what's going on I don't see why that's a problem. If it's bothering you and you want to do something about it, I'd keep it lighthearted and joking, if you can. Either do a really dramatic victory dance and announce "already done--where's my gold star?", or go in for the high five, or say in a really ditzy voice while twirling your hair. "We have a dog?! I forgot!" That might make him see how the dynamic of him telling you what to do is a bit ridiculous. |
Anonymous
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Read 'dancing in the dark: the shadow side of intimate relationships' by Douglas and Naomi moseley.
They're a husband wife psychologist team who do therapy together and the book is about how all couples can face parent child relationship dynamics. It talks about why they happen and hiw to stop them. It's a really interesting read. It's a serious issue that creeps up in lots of marriages. Happy, in love, passionate and wham all the sudden one of you is acting like the others parent which makes the other subconsciously act like the child. Even if only on subconscious levels it messes up a lot of marriages. |
Anonymous
| My mom is like this. I am also sort of like this. It just makes me feel better to know that I've said out loud something that I need to make sure is done. It's not a trust issue. It's not really a nag issue. It just makes me feel better about it. I try to never say it in a patronizing way. If your husband is demeaning when he says it, or talks to you like you're stupid, I'd be mad. But I don't think this is an abnormal or worrisome behavior. |
Anonymous
| If you are already doing it, why does it bother you so much? Just say "sure" and move on. Don't you have bigger "real" issues to deal with? |
Anonymous
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I get confused when people post things like this on here. Have you spoken to your HUSBAND about it, rather than a group of people that can't do anything to really help you? Not sure if you're just venting or if you want solutions.
My advice (if that's what you're looking for) is to say: Husband - why are you reminding me to give Fido water? And see what he responds. There may be a deeper issue, as others alluded to. Otherwise, he may just be annoying - in which case, I'd remind him that you give Fido water every single morning, so you don't need a reminder. Or, use the sarcasm technique above - like OMG THANK YOU for the reminder that we have a dog, or tell him that he can now take that job on since he seems to want to control it, or whatever it takes. Just talk to him! |
Anonymous
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I sometimes slip into doing this with my husband. I'm an admitted control freak, which I am working on getting better about.
When I start sliding into "remember this, don't forget that" crap, DH is good about just calling me on it. "I already did that. Is there a reason you're reminding me of it now?" and similar responses. It lets me know I'm slipping into jerk territory without me getting defensive. However, these subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) cues only work because DH and I have talked about it and agreed it's not appropriate behavior. |
Anonymous
It is abnormal. And very annoying. Thank your husband for tolerating it. |
Anonymous
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That isn't captain obvious that's just a bag and you feel annoyed because you think you would do those things without a reminder. He will probably respond by saying when he doesn't remind you, things don't get done. You can discuss this with him. He gets bothered when things don't get done and you are bothered by nagging and the fact that he doesn't trust you to do it. My husband and I remind each other of stuff all the time and we choose to view it as supportive. Either you can change how you ciew this or talk to him about not doing it. But be prepared to discuss what happens when you forget to do something he didn't nag you about.
FWIW captain obvious is more like saying things like "it's hot out", "wow Trump is obnoxious", "smoking is bad for you" |
Anonymous
| He sounds like he has a lot of anxiety. He feels something is out of control. It may be something going on in himself, or it may be external issues or stress. Talk to him and ask him if he's noticing himself doing this, and maybe see if the two of you can figure out what's behind it. |
Anonymous
+1 It's not you, OP, it's him. He is anxious. I know this because I struggle with the same thing. |
Anonymous
| Just a thought- I know I remind my husband of things, not because HE forgets- but because I do and I mention things as they occur to me (I can be absent minded). |
Anonymous
| I agree it sounds like anxiety. My mother also does this, and it annoys me to no end. |