Is it uncomfortable for married women to hang out with divorced women?

[Anonymous]

Maybe I am paranoid, but I could swear I am not as "popular" as I was before I told my acquaintances that I was divorcing.
So... is it or not? And if it is, why? Is there anything I could do about it?

[Anonymous]

Well, were you one of those married types who only liked to hang out with couple friends or married women? Now you know how it feels. It's very isolating. Hopefully for you you didn't diss all your single female friends when you got married, otherwise good luck making new friends.

[Anonymous]

Not uncomfortable for me at all. If we connect and get along, your marital status has no bearing on our friendship. If you're in the process of divorcing or recently divorced, you might have a lot on your plate and maybe aren't as friendly and enthusiastic about new friendships/social gatherings as you used to be? That might be one explanation for not feeling as "popular." You might also feel more vulnerable right now, which is making you read too much into stuff.

Good luck with everything!

[Anonymous]

I have a few close friends who are divorced. Makes no difference to me.

[Anonymous]

My best friend is recently divorce.... Separated 3yrs prior. Didn't affect us. Although I didn't have the time to hang out when she started dating bc of family Commitments with my own kids. She had a lot of extra time I found bc of shared custody over those three yrs. I didn't have 3-4 evenings just free to myself. However we both got that and we are still good friends. I always felt bad I couldn't be more available bc my children were so young at that time, 2under 5. But we didn't end our friendship and any space between us was bwewe were in different life stages and not out of relatabilty a d she totally rest that. pect

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I am paranoid, but I could swear I am not as "popular" as I was before I told my acquaintances that I was divorcing.
So... is it or not? And if it is, why? Is there anything I could do about it?

Nope, not at all. I mostly hang out with only my women friends though not as a couple.
Some of my friend group has rooted for one gal to divorce her DH and they were disappointed when they reconnected actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I am paranoid, but I could swear I am not as "popular" as I was before I told my acquaintances that I was divorcing.
So... is it or not? And if it is, why? Is there anything I could do about it?

Oh, and what you 'do' if people treat you shabbily is get new friends.

[Anonymous]

When I was getting divorced, I had many friends tell me that they didn't want to "catch" my divorce. Like it was an air born virus and they couldn't be in the same room with me. Another friend told me I couldn't talk about my divorce with her and that I needed therapy, which was funny because my therapist at that times aid I should talk to my friends about it (but not too much!). I'm remarried now, and some of those friends who treated me like a leper had tried to come crawling back but they showed me their true colors.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're paranoid or that this is in your head. I've had the exact same experience with my married friends. I can come up with a few potential reasons:
1) They're scared that divorce is 'contagious' and they'll catch it if they're too close to you
2) They're afraid that you'll go after their husband
3) Couples prefer to socialize with couples

I suggest you try meetup groups and other avenues for making new friends. The ones who are your real friends will become obvious. The rest - well, you don't need them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was getting divorced, I had many friends tell me that they didn't want to "catch" my divorce. Like it was an air born virus and they couldn't be in the same room with me. Another friend told me I couldn't talk about my divorce with her and that I needed therapy, which was funny because my therapist at that times aid I should talk to my friends about it (but not too much!). I'm remarried now, and some of those friends who treated me like a leper had tried to come crawling back but they showed me their true colors.

WTF??? Wow.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single parent, and i much prefer to hang out with other single friends -- because they are available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was getting divorced, I had many friends tell me that they didn't want to "catch" my divorce. Like it was an air born virus and they couldn't be in the same room with me. Another friend told me I couldn't talk about my divorce with her and that I needed therapy, which was funny because my therapist at that times aid I should talk to my friends about it (but not too much!). I'm remarried now, and some of those friends who treated me like a leper had tried to come crawling back but they showed me their true colors.

I actually agree with this thinking. If my friends were divorcing it might be the impetus I need to divorce, whereas if I stick it out around married people I might stick it out and make it work with DH.

I'd rather have the married influence to help me stay married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was getting divorced, I had many friends tell me that they didn't want to "catch" my divorce. Like it was an air born virus and they couldn't be in the same room with me. Another friend told me I couldn't talk about my divorce with her and that I needed therapy, which was funny because my therapist at that times aid I should talk to my friends about it (but not too much!). I'm remarried now, and some of those friends who treated me like a leper had tried to come crawling back but they showed me their true colors.

There is actually a known phenomenon that the couples that orbit a divorce (friends and family) are more likely to divorce than other couples. Not necessarily defending your friends but that is a real thing.

[Anonymous]

Not uncomfortable for me. I have a couple friends who are divorced and I still love their company!

[Anonymous]

I've watched circles of divorce start up from one taking the plunge too. Some might not know how to share their marital happiness with you either. Some people just scare off when life gets too real.

As for what to do about it - if there's one or two that you particularly miss be open and tell them acknowledging that you are in a tough space and miss them. Plan some outings or have them for dinner and let them get to know the new you. Divorce changes people and it might take some time and effort on your part if they're worth keeping. Be who you are and accept not all will be able to connect the same way they used too. New paths can do that to relationships and i hope a few good ones are still there for you.