Ugh, salary negotiations!

[Anonymous]

So, as a woman, for the first time in my life I tried to stand up for myself and negotiate more money after receiving an offer for a new job. I thought I handled things with tact and care, and sought careful professional advice on how best to approach the negotiation (for the first time!). But all I got was attitude and a "put you in your place" approach from the employer. I feel like crying and like I was being slapped for trying to have a voice. I am a highly trained and educated professional with years of experience, and the employer is respectable organization. Anyway, I feel like there is a lot of lip-service to the whole "stand-up-for-yourself approach", but at the end of the day people really don't want women to speak up for themselves. The worst part? The people who put me in my place were also women.

[Anonymous]

You need some assertiveness practice.

[Anonymous]

OP I've never negotiated salary before so take my comments with a grain of salt. My first impression was that you might have done everything right, and the attitude from the employer was part of the "game."

[Anonymous]

At the end of the day, you can always say no to the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I've never negotiated salary before so take my comments with a grain of salt. My first impression was that you might have done everything right, and the attitude from the employer was part of the "game."

I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Would they rescind my offer for having negotiated back and forth probably more than they are used to? I really was super polite and careful but did ask about many things.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I always negotiate EVERY time I get a new job. It's how you make the most of your salary increases.

Sounds like you did everything right. Sometimes they will budge and sometimes they won't.

And no, they won't rescind the offer for you asking for more. Remember that men usually get more over the course of their careers because they aren't worried about negotiating a bit (even at the same company year over year). Be proud of your skills and negotiate whenever you can -- new job, promotion, etc.

P.S. I once got none of the things I asked for. I once got a 20% pay hike by negotiating. Usually it's somewhere in between. So yes, keep it up in the future!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I always negotiate EVERY time I get a new job. It's how you make the most of your salary increases.

Sounds like you did everything right. Sometimes they will budge and sometimes they won't.

And no, they won't rescind the offer for you asking for more. Remember that men usually get more over the course of their careers because they aren't worried about negotiating a bit (even at the same company year over year). Be proud of your skills and negotiate whenever you can -- new job, promotion, etc.

P.S. I once got none of the things I asked for. I once got a 20% pay hike by negotiating. Usually it's somewhere in between. So yes, keep it up in the future!

I agree with this. My mother taught me a long time ago, always, always negotiate your starting salary. The company has already decided (maybe after 1 or 4 interviews) that they want YOU for the job. Try to get the best deal you can -it is very very unlikely they will rescind the offer.

Also, as an employer now, once we have decided on a candidate, I don't ever want to spend the time or money to go back to the drawing board. Good Luck.

[Anonymous]

You have the most leverage before you start working for them and right when you are leaving. Understand that. If they don't budge now, it'll be worse when you're looking for promotions / raises.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel fore you. However, as a guy, I don't think you were a victim of 'a woman standing up for herself" if the ones on the opposite side of the desk were women also.
Hopefully there was some general discussion, idea, about comp before you went in to meet in person. Like, if you were expecting a $500K base, and they came in at $175K, well, big problem. You can always ask for more. You can even demand it, to an extent. But at some point the bluffing stops, and, the rubber hits the road. As for crying, c'mon. You are in the workplace. If you felt so insulted, tell them to fuck off, and walk out of there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, as a woman, for the first time in my life I tried to stand up for myself and negotiate more money after receiving an offer for a new job. I thought I handled things with tact and care, and sought careful professional advice on how best to approach the negotiation (for the first time!). But all I got was attitude and a "put you in your place" approach from the employer. I feel like crying and like I was being slapped for trying to have a voice. I am a highly trained and educated professional with years of experience, and the employer is respectable organization. Anyway, I feel like there is a lot of lip-service to the whole "stand-up-for-yourself approach", but at the end of the day people really don't want women to speak up for themselves. The worst part? The people who put me in my place were also women.

I know this is your first time negotiating, so good for you for doing it. But you're taking this way to personal. This is how negotiations work. They don't have to concede to your wishes. And you don't need to accept their job. I think men are perceived as successful negotiators because they don't get emotional.

I think the PPs suggestion of assertivness training is a really good recommendation. If you are going to perform in senior roles, you'll need to be able to advocate without getting hurt feelings if you do not achieve what you or your company wanted.

Dust yourself off and move forward, the fact that you did negotiate is a wonderful achievement. It will get easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Would they rescind my offer for having negotiated back and forth probably more than they are used to? I really was super polite and careful but did ask about many things.

My employer would evaluate and may rescind. We have a package (quite a good one) but it is non-negotiable. If you tried too much we would worry that you wouldn't be happy with us and we'd rather find someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Would they rescind my offer for having negotiated back and forth probably more than they are used to? I really was super polite and careful but did ask about many things.

My employer would evaluate and may rescind. We have a package (quite a good one) but it is non-negotiable. If you tried too much we would worry that you wouldn't be happy with us and we'd rather find someone else.

Let's pretend for a minute you're not lying. Because maybe you're not.

I would never work somewhere with a "non-negotiable" package. That sounds like a very backwards organization that doesn't value getting the best talent and retaining/growing people.

And rescinding offers for those who attempt to negotiate? No wonder you ended up with such backward policies -- the best talent ALWAYS negotiates because they know they will get offers from many employers, so you've obviously been stuck with the low-talent folks who don't feel they can negotiate. You're literally finding a way not to hire the best people. What an incredibly stupid policy.

But then again, I know you're lying. Still, it's hilarious trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, as a woman, for the first time in my life I tried to stand up for myself and negotiate more money after receiving an offer for a new job. I thought I handled things with tact and care, and sought careful professional advice on how best to approach the negotiation (for the first time!). But all I got was attitude and a "put you in your place" approach from the employer. I feel like crying and like I was being slapped for trying to have a voice. I am a highly trained and educated professional with years of experience, and the employer is respectable organization. Anyway, I feel like there is a lot of lip-service to the whole "stand-up-for-yourself approach", but at the end of the day people really don't want women to speak up for themselves. The worst part? The people who put me in my place were also women.

Yup. Yes, women need to speak up more and try to negotiate for themselves, but that's not the only reason why we are paid less. Employers respond differently to is than men when we try to negotiate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Would they rescind my offer for having negotiated back and forth probably more than they are used to? I really was super polite and careful but did ask about many things.

My employer would evaluate and may rescind. We have a package (quite a good one) but it is non-negotiable. If you tried too much we would worry that you wouldn't be happy with us and we'd rather find someone else.

Let's pretend for a minute you're not lying. Because maybe you're not.

I would never work somewhere with a "non-negotiable" package. That sounds like a very backwards organization that doesn't value getting the best talent and retaining/growing people.

And rescinding offers for those who attempt to negotiate? No wonder you ended up with such backward policies -- the best talent ALWAYS negotiates because they know they will get offers from many employers, so you've obviously been stuck with the low-talent folks who don't feel they can negotiate. You're literally finding a way not to hire the best people. What an incredibly stupid policy.

But then again, I know you're lying. Still, it's hilarious trolling.

Lol, WHY in the world would you think this person is lying? or is a troll?! good lord!

I also know of an employer (female) who rescinded because the candidate was aggressively negotiating pay and was unreasonable in her expectations. This is not common, but it occasionally happens. OP, I think it's weird you think it's because you're female. i hope you have a better attitude when you start your job! If so, you'll be fine.