How handle out-of-area move possibility when divorcing with children

[Anonymous]

If there's shared custody, how is the possibility of moving out of state at any point in the future handled in the agreement? Do couples usually agree that there won't be out-of-state moves until the youngest child is X years old, or what?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are usually barred from leaving until they are out of high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are usually barred from leaving until they are out of high school.

'

This is not true. OP, you should talk to an attorney if you might want to keep open this possibility.

I was told that I could move if I got remarried, or got a better job elsewhere, or even if I needed to move closer to family. My ex could take me back to court to protest it, but I would win. I have joint custody, and I am the primary custodial caretaker.

Do NOT get advice from here. Talk to an attorney. Two attorneys gave me the same information - don't believe that you can never leave. Don't let that language go into any divorce agreement.

And remember, Everything is Negotiable. Everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are usually barred from leaving until they are out of high school.

'

This is not true. OP, you should talk to an attorney if you might want to keep open this possibility.

I was told that I could move if I got remarried, or got a better job elsewhere, or even if I needed to move closer to family. My ex could take me back to court to protest it, but I would win. I have joint custody, and I am the primary custodial caretaker.

Do NOT get advice from here. Talk to an attorney. Two attorneys gave me the same information - don't believe that you can never leave. Don't let that language go into any divorce agreement.

And remember, Everything is Negotiable. Everything.

What makes you believe that you would win if your ex were to protest? And what if your ex remarries or wants to take another job and wants to move out of town? Could s/he take the children to live with him/her at that point? Or do you have the privilege of keeping them with you either way because they are living with you the majority of the time now? And if that's the case, I wonder what would prevail if the living arrangments were split 50/50?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are usually barred from leaving until they are out of high school.

'

This is not true. OP, you should talk to an attorney if you might want to keep open this possibility.

I was told that I could move if I got remarried, or got a better job elsewhere, or even if I needed to move closer to family. My ex could take me back to court to protest it, but I would win. I have joint custody, and I am the primary custodial caretaker.

Do NOT get advice from here. Talk to an attorney. Two attorneys gave me the same information - don't believe that you can never leave. Don't let that language go into any divorce agreement.

And remember, Everything is Negotiable. Everything.

Your attorney gave you bad advice. He has no way of knowing how a judge would rule on your case. Most judges would rule that it would be best for the children to see both children regularly.

[Anonymous]

When I got divorced I anticipated an out of state move, so it was addressed in our parenting plan. I was the primary custodial parent at the time, and I made some economic concessions in order to secure the right to relocate out of state, instead of bringing it up later. fwiw, our divorce decree was negotiated with the help of a mediator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are usually barred from leaving until they are out of high school.

'

This is not true. OP, you should talk to an attorney if you might want to keep open this possibility.

I was told that I could move if I got remarried, or got a better job elsewhere, or even if I needed to move closer to family. My ex could take me back to court to protest it, but I would win. I have joint custody, and I am the primary custodial caretaker.

Do NOT get advice from here. Talk to an attorney. Two attorneys gave me the same information - don't believe that you can never leave. Don't let that language go into any divorce agreement.

And remember, Everything is Negotiable. Everything.

Your attorney gave you bad advice. He has no way of knowing how a judge would rule on your case. Most judges would rule that it would be best for the children to see both children regularly.

No, multiple attorneys all gave me the same sound advice.

I guess I should add that I actually am moving, more than 200 miles away. My three children are moving with me. All finalized.

OP, go and talk to three attorneys at least. They will give you definitive answers. And even though their answers will basically be the same, they will approach the situation from different angles sometimes, and that can be so helpful as you move forward.

Good luck to you. Also, you can check out surviving infidelity.com, divorce forum, for more stories from people who have been through this. Lots of people there have moved from one place to another after divorce. In fact, ten years after a divorce, it's rare to see a family situation that looks like the divorce agreement. People get new jobs, remarried, have babies with new wives, go bankrupt - all sorts of things happen in life. Things change, and you can't always stay in one place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I got divorced I anticipated an out of state move, so it was addressed in our parenting plan. I was the primary custodial parent at the time, and I made some economic concessions in order to secure the right to relocate out of state, instead of bringing it up later. fwiw, our divorce decree was negotiated with the help of a mediator.

Very smart.

[Anonymous]

It must be hard, though, for the children to lose regular (every week) in-person contact with one parent, assuming both parents are good parents and there is joint custody. At what age is that less of an issue?

[Anonymous]

Covered by statute in many states, so check there too, but if it's pre-finalized divorce you cover it on your agreement. Post-decree statutes deal with the factors that a judge will consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It must be hard, though, for the children to lose regular (every week) in-person contact with one parent, assuming both parents are good parents and there is joint custody. At what age is that less of an issue?

+1 My ex-spouse and I are both stuck in a state that wouldn't be our first choice, but that's better than the alternative for our kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are usually barred from leaving until they are out of high school.

'

This is not true. OP, you should talk to an attorney if you might want to keep open this possibility.

I was told that I could move if I got remarried, or got a better job elsewhere, or even if I needed to move closer to family. My ex could take me back to court to protest it, but I would win. I have joint custody, and I am the primary custodial caretaker.

Do NOT get advice from here. Talk to an attorney. Two attorneys gave me the same information - don't believe that you can never leave. Don't let that language go into any divorce agreement.

And remember, Everything is Negotiable. Everything.

Your attorney gave you bad advice. He has no way of knowing how a judge would rule on your case. Most judges would rule that it would be best for the children to see both children regularly.

No, multiple attorneys all gave me the same sound advice.

I guess I should add that I actually am moving, more than 200 miles away. My three children are moving with me. All finalized.

OP, go and talk to three attorneys at least. They will give you definitive answers. And even though their answers will basically be the same, they will approach the situation from different angles sometimes, and that can be so helpful as you move forward.

Good luck to you. Also, you can check out surviving infidelity.com, divorce forum, for more stories from people who have been through this. Lots of people there have moved from one place to another after divorce. In fact, ten years after a divorce, it's rare to see a family situation that looks like the divorce agreement. People get new jobs, remarried, have babies with new wives, go bankrupt - all sorts of things happen in life. Things change, and you can't always stay in one place.

Your poor kids. Is their father really so awful that you would have them separated from him full time?

Maybe it can be done, but in most cases it shouldn't be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are usually barred from leaving until they are out of high school.

'

This is not true. OP, you should talk to an attorney if you might want to keep open this possibility.

I was told that I could move if I got remarried, or got a better job elsewhere, or even if I needed to move closer to family. My ex could take me back to court to protest it, but I would win. I have joint custody, and I am the primary custodial caretaker.

Do NOT get advice from here. Talk to an attorney. Two attorneys gave me the same information - don't believe that you can never leave. Don't let that language go into any divorce agreement.

And remember, Everything is Negotiable. Everything.

Your attorney gave you bad advice. He has no way of knowing how a judge would rule on your case. Most judges would rule that it would be best for the children to see both children regularly.

No, multiple attorneys all gave me the same sound advice.

I guess I should add that I actually am moving, more than 200 miles away. My three children are moving with me. All finalized.

OP, go and talk to three attorneys at least. They will give you definitive answers. And even though their answers will basically be the same, they will approach the situation from different angles sometimes, and that can be so helpful as you move forward.

Good luck to you. Also, you can check out surviving infidelity.com, divorce forum, for more stories from people who have been through this. Lots of people there have moved from one place to another after divorce. In fact, ten years after a divorce, it's rare to see a family situation that looks like the divorce agreement. People get new jobs, remarried, have babies with new wives, go bankrupt - all sorts of things happen in life. Things change, and you can't always stay in one place.

Your poor kids. Is their father really so awful that you would have them separated from him full time?

Maybe it can be done, but in most cases it shouldn't be.

If it's because of a better job or to be near her family then it sounds like a great idea. No ex has the right to dictate where the other lives. My friend moved to another state to be closer to her family, the court approved it and they redid the visitation etc. All good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are usually barred from leaving until they are out of high school.

'

This is not true. OP, you should talk to an attorney if you might want to keep open this possibility.

I was told that I could move if I got remarried, or got a better job elsewhere, or even if I needed to move closer to family. My ex could take me back to court to protest it, but I would win. I have joint custody, and I am the primary custodial caretaker.

Do NOT get advice from here. Talk to an attorney. Two attorneys gave me the same information - don't believe that you can never leave. Don't let that language go into any divorce agreement.

And remember, Everything is Negotiable. Everything.

Your attorney gave you bad advice. He has no way of knowing how a judge would rule on your case. Most judges would rule that it would be best for the children to see both children regularly.

No, multiple attorneys all gave me the same sound advice.

I guess I should add that I actually am moving, more than 200 miles away. My three children are moving with me. All finalized.

OP, go and talk to three attorneys at least. They will give you definitive answers. And even though their answers will basically be the same, they will approach the situation from different angles sometimes, and that can be so helpful as you move forward.

Good luck to you. Also, you can check out surviving infidelity.com, divorce forum, for more stories from people who have been through this. Lots of people there have moved from one place to another after divorce. In fact, ten years after a divorce, it's rare to see a family situation that looks like the divorce agreement. People get new jobs, remarried, have babies with new wives, go bankrupt - all sorts of things happen in life. Things change, and you can't always stay in one place.

Your poor kids. Is their father really so awful that you would have them separated from him full time?

Maybe it can be done, but in most cases it shouldn't be.

If it's because of a better job or to be near her family then it sounds like a great idea. No ex has the right to dictate where the other lives. My friend moved to another state to be closer to her family, the court approved it and they redid the visitation etc. All good.

Interesting and scary that people really think it is ok to cut dad out of the kids lives for a better job. Holy smokes.

[Anonymous]

I think the dad or mom should move where they need to for jobs, family, etc.